AIBU to want my DD's with my family this Christmas.

[Zacsbird]

It's my ex's weekend this Christmas, which means I won't wake up with the DD's again, as it was his weekend last year too.

I have to admit that Christmas hasn't been shared between us in the way that many couples do, mostly due to the fact that he couldn't be arsed or he didn't have the space for our two lively dd's. The offer was always there and he eventually took an interest when he met his now wife.

I just really want to say no to him this time, I really missed them last year, I live alone and woke up alone and very sad. Also my mum is pretty ill and 76 now so every Christmas is more precious, she adores the DD's and has looked after them since they were babies, she is more of a parent to them than he ever was.

So would I be unreasonable to tell him they are staying with me this year?

Do you live close enough to be able to pick them up just after midday and take them to your Mum then?

If you have an amicable enough arrangement he might be happy to do this.

To be honest, Christmas should not be classed as a weekend as it is a once a year time, and in fairness each year should be swapped.

How old are you DD's and what do they want?

I think it's pretty normal to 'wipe' weekend turns and just go with alternate Christmases isn't it?

I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your ex now, but the way you've written it 'I just really want to say no to him this time' and 'tell him they are staying with me this year' maybe sounds as though you've already decided it and he'll have to go along with you.

If you could talk/discuss how you feel and why you'd like them with you perhaps it would sound better?

How's he likely to react to you saying it?

'If you could talk/discuss how you feel and why you'd like them with you perhaps it would sound better?'

That looks such a wet thing to say I know it's not as easy as all that, hopefully YKWIM.

If its his weekend then its his perogative to have them. You could try talking to him though

If he had them last year I think it's your turn this. Special occasions should definitely be shared out rather than it being the luck of the draw depending on when they fall.

Suggest alternating Christmases with him. If he doesn't go for it, you could remind him thar the next 4 years, Christmas is on a weekday (assuming he only has them on weekends), so it's in his long term interests to alternate.

We have alternated Christmas and New year for six years now, and it works well for us.

If i have DD Christmas Eve/Christmas Day, then my ExH has her NYs Eve/NYs Day.

The next year, I have her NYs Eve/Day, and he has her over Christmas.

This also means that every other New Years, I know im free to celebrate without looking for a babysitter.

I don't think xmas should work the same as other weekends, I think you should suggest that xmas arrangements should change going forward. Highlight to him that after this year xmas will not fall on the weekend for a few years, so that if he wants to keep it strictly to whose weekend it is then he won't have them on xmas day for a while.

How old are your DD's? depending on their ages maybe they could be involved in the decision and discussions.

I agree with Worra, Christmas falls outside of the norm and should be alternated separately.

No matter whose weekend it is it's Christmas, he could have them for New Year instead!