Where should we spend Xmas? Wwyd?

[Snufflebabe]

Sorry, another Xmas related thread...

Dp and I had our DD last September. DP mum and dad live just 5 mins walk away from us. My dad and partner live 40 mins drive away. My dad works 400 miles away during the week, so I tend to see him and his DP once a week, sometimes every second week. Inlaws have, very kindly, been looking after DD 3 days a week since my return to work in September this year.

The question has arose...."what's your plans for Christmas". Gulp.

Prior to DD, OH and I spent Christmas apart at our respective families. Last Christmas, DD's first Christmas, wes spent Christmas morning( well, up until 2pm) at inlaws, then drove down to my dads house for the rest of the day.

So, onto this year....my brother has recently got married, and will be at my dads in the morning, then at inlaws in the afternoon. My dads partner will be at the house in the morning too, then plans to go to her brothers, 40 miles away as is usually the case every odd year. That leaves my dad, and my grandmother at my dads house alone.

At my inlaws, they have 2 other children, as well as DP. However, the other children are married to OHs who don't celebrate Christmas( different religions). Therefore, without fail both the other children, and their respective other halfs will ALWAYS be at the inlaws at Christmas, no matter what.

Oh and I are stuck As to what to do re Christmas Day. My dad and gran would be welcome at inlaws, but I know that they wouldn't be comfortable. Also, they would have to drive back at the end of the night, 40 miles or so.

Our house just isn't big enough to accommodate everyone.

Oh loves his massive 4 hour long leisurely dinner with his family. I've said that even if we do go to the inlaws, a long dinner is out of the question as our 15 month old will not sit still for more than 2 mins, and I don't want to spend my entire Christmas day alone with her in the front room, listening to everyone having a good time!

Any advice? We are both very understanding of each others point of view, but need to make a decision.

I think there comes a point when you have small children and lots of people to try and please, that the easiest thing to do is to stay at home and tell everyone that they are welcome to call over to swap pressies, sherry etc. In another couple of years time, your DD will want to stay at home with ALL of her new toys and whilst of course Christmas isn't all about the material stuff, neither is it about dividing yourself in 5 and trying to please everyone.
My sister invites all of her in laws over for a meal on Christmas Eve and then the other side of the family on Boxing Day. Would something like that work ?
this year I can't wait to lock the doors and spend the whole day with just me and the kids. We'll see the rest of the family around and about but won't have any time constraints or stress.

I don't think you could really relax knowing your DF and DGM are knocking around at home on their own! If your dad's partner was there, then... maybe... but as she is not, I do think your OH has to man up this year, that you should visit his family in the morning then dedicate the rest of the day to your dad and grandma with you hosting Christmas dinner at your house. If your OH is still missing his family he could pop over in the evening to his family, maybe, as well. Or they could come over to join you for drinks after DD gone to bed.

Next year, hopefully your brother can spend Christmas with your Dad and you can go to your ILs for the main meal and anyway your dad's partner will be there, so that will be OK. You should arrange to see them Boxing Day.

You can't split yourselves all over, esp now you have a small child. People have to realise that things change. They will expect it to a certain degree.

How important is it to see your DB/SIL and your Dad's partner on Xmas day? How do you feel about your Dad and grandmother being by themselves in the afternoon?

Ultimately, though, I'd go with what will work for your DD. Not that I think the world should revolve around children, but equally unhappy children tend to lead to unhappy parents - planning a day that accommodates your children's limitations (such as an inability to sit at the table for 4 hours at 15 months ) can enable everyone to have a much better time.

For us, when our first DC was born, we decided that we'd do Christmas at our own house, and other family could come over to ours, this is our way of simplifying things, and as we've stated our position and stuck to it for years now everyone knows what to expect. MIL was upset at first as she always had a big family do at her place, but DH and I felt that we had our own family now we'd do it our own way. Usually only my mum does come to stay and we always visit DH's family afterwards, usually on boxing day. We have similar family complexity i.e. grandparents divorced, and we're all further apart (my relatives 600 miles away, DH's 100 miles away). DH has lots of siblings but his mum has a big house so usually on boxing day the whole extended family from his side go there, which works really well for us, we get lots of visiting and catching up done all at once. Now that all DH's siblings have children, they all also do their own thing on Christmas itself. A downside of this arrangement is that I seldom see my DBro/DSil as they're also hundreds of miles away, but my Bro often works away at Christmas anyway, and his wife DSil has lots of family nearby who she's close to.

So could you have your Dad and Gran to yours on Xmas, then see the in-laws on boxing day?

We stay at home as everyone is too spread out to visit in the space of 3 days.

My dad is very involved in the music at his church and so cannot travel at that time of year and he lives in the wilds of scotland so too far for us to go, my inlaws don't like us -me and the DCs- going there as we upset the proper order of things and expect to have fun and my mum has been recently widowed. She will come to us this year, the others know they are invited......

Could you have the day with your dad and head over to your partners parents for the evening and stay over?

Stay at home, invite everyone to visit you either at different times or all at once?

When you have kids, it's time to think of your own family. I live 250 miles away from both my parents and my in-laws (and they live 60 miles apart) and every year we bust a gut driving up the motorway, then all over the damn country trying to keep everyone happy. We are EXHAUSTED afterwards and the kids are DREADFUL. Too much change, too much attention and Christmas just bloody drags on for about a week - last year, every house we visited the kids got presents and they just began expecting it and seemed to forget their manners.

I so badly want to spend this year at home, doing our own thing and actually relaxing and enjoying our days off (we both work hard all year, it's our holiday too!). But, FIL has been poorly this year so I feel that we may have to make the effort to go and spend Christmas with the inlaws. Not that I begrudge poor FIL for being ill, it's just that by the end of the year I am so knackered I just want to lock the doors and gather my brood around me and enjoy them, all to myself