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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

When my DP has been in New York for a week

19 replies

Justfeckingdoit · 04/11/2011 17:42

and I have been looking after our 5 month daughter and he texts at 5.30 to say he is "going for a pint."

Hummmmmm

OP posts:

bebemoojem · 04/11/2011 17:46

I really hate when Dh does this too.
At home with the screaming 3m and toddler and I get...'having a scrummy dinner out...'
I know it's not him 'trying' to be mean. But it sure as hell feels like a dig when I haven't even managed a shower and have been shovelling cookies into my mouth all day haven't had a proper bite to eat myself...

rubyslippers · 04/11/2011 17:48

Have a glass of something when your DD is in bed

My DH travels a lot

It does irk me at times when he is having a most civilised child free dinner!

Swankyswishing · 04/11/2011 18:14

My DH travels a lot through work too and often texts me to say he's "eating at Jamie Oliver's restaurant" or "this hilton hotel is lovely". I'm glad he enjoys his work but am secretly jealous that he travels so much.

Flubba · 04/11/2011 18:22

Does the OP not mean that her DP has been in NY, but is now back home and therefore could be home with her and 5mo, but has decided to go out for a pint?

Original poster

Justfeckingdoit · 04/11/2011 18:31

Ah sorry. Yes he flew back in this am and was at work until 5.30. And then told me he was going for a pint.

Grrrrr. He is normally great, but before mat leave I also travelled with work a lot and if I had been away for a week would have been straight home and not out for a pint.

He has just called to say be is on his way home.

AIBU To kick him in the shins? Or the the bollocks?

OP posts:

Flubba · 04/11/2011 18:37

I would be but, with the gift of time to think about it, would play the oh-so-slightly-disappointed-but-not-angry card ~ makes them feel much guiltier :o

MrsUnassumingTroll · 04/11/2011 18:38

OP, I've been there, both as the traveller and the wife/mother waiting at home.

I suggest that you have a lost of particularly unpleasant jobs waiting for him when he gets home, that simply cannot wait until the morning. Any drains need unblocking? Save the next nappy change for him, definitely.

Oh, and he is definitely on duty first in the morning. If he lies in it will just make his jet lag worse. Best that he gets up with the baby and adjusts back to UK time properly .

LuckyRocketshipUnderpants · 04/11/2011 18:38

YANBU- It sounds like it has only been for an hour, but it would irritate me too if he felt a need to go for a pint on his first day back rather than getting home asap. Kind of makes you feel like you rank low on the priority list.

Can you hand him the baby when he gets in and go do something relaxing for yourself for an hour?

Original poster

Justfeckingdoit · 04/11/2011 18:39

Ha totally agree. Baby has just done a nice big poo. His problem methinks.

OP posts:

Hissy · 04/11/2011 19:08

if he's been in the states, it's better he stays up rather than goes home and crashes out to sleep.

it's 5.30, not 11.30. Your DD will be asleep soon and then you and your H will have quiet time together. [stroke-stroke]

heleninahandcart · 04/11/2011 19:45

Text him just after he has arrived and tell him you are just off for a long bath

slavetofilofax · 04/11/2011 19:49

Depends what he brought you back from NY.

MrsUnassumingTroll · 04/11/2011 19:57

slave has an excellent point. Anything from Sephora or Kiehl's or Saks or Tiffany and the MN jury might forgive him.

Anything hastily bought at the airport or on the plane and he is sooooooo on the early shift in the morning!

Am a bit at my own DH as I have been struggling with DCs and a chest infection all week and he has similarly headed for a pint or three this evening.

FabbyChic · 04/11/2011 19:59

Really don't get the I've been looking after our daughter, AND? He has been working, probably needs to chill out after working, wants to relax.

YOu could do that tomorrow night when he is home, go out and chill, have some peace.

When you have kids it is what you do as a mother put them first.

If you were single you wouldnt have a partner anyway and would have to do it all yourself.

MrsUnassumingTroll · 04/11/2011 20:10

ChitChattingWithKids · 04/11/2011 20:15

Really Fabby? And husbands/fathers aren't supposed to put their wives/children first then?

She's NOT single and shouldn't have to live as though she is!

LuckyRocketshipUnderpants · 04/11/2011 20:16

So, looking after a baby all week on our own without a break isn't working???!!

And I really don't get how statements like "if you were single, you'd have to do it yourself" adds anything to the issue. The OP is not single. She has a DP who has apparently prioritised (without so much as a "do you mind if I go for a quick pint") his need to chill out and relax after work over the need to get his arse home and do his bit. Or I guess maybe that's OK because fathers don't have to put their kids first?

Hissy · 04/11/2011 21:24

FFS, let him have a pint, then when he comes back, he can do a feed or a change or something while OP takes a bath, chills etc.

It's hardly a bender and a strip club is it?

vigglewiggle · 04/11/2011 21:32

Unless you have a DP who works away a lot, I don't think you would understand where the OP is coming from.

I do, and I do!

Flip