to --force-- encourage dd to keep doing activities?

[dundeemarmalade]

DD is 4 at new year.she's always found social things hard, going from uber confident at home/with family to profoundly shy at parties, nursery (though that's fine now) & activities. Since dd2 appeared over summer has got worse, to the extent that she now refuses to do any activities - and we're not one of those doing heaps families anyway.will no longer go to music and movement, parent & toddler, and today has refused to go to the activity class she's been doing for nearly 3 yrs. Am at end of tether.
Do I let her stop everything out of the home environment or do I insist on keeping up with something. She's not going to be ble to back out of school, after all. Have poured out quiet supportive love for my often awkward girl over past 4 years, and seem to have got nowhere.now I don't know whether to carry on like this or to stand no more nonsense.

If you have to force her then it's not an activity that's in her interests or benefit. What about telling her that you'd like to do a few activities together each week and what would she like to do? Take it from there.

Nothing worse than being forced, better no activities than that.

Wny not talk to her about new and different activities she might like to try?

Please don't force her to do stuff she doesn't want to do. She is only 4, she doesn't need to do anything other than bimble around at home if that is what she wants.

If it helps my DD was the original cling-on velcro baby. She didn't go to nursery or a childminder (I work from home and could take care of her myself) and we effectively did what she felt comfortable with. I certainly didn't force her into doing things she didn't want to do - it would hacve been completely counter-productive imo.

She is now 6, in Y2 at school and is amazingly confident and happy to do things without me. She started school at the normal age and was much more settled more quickly than the vast majority of her peer group (despite having never been in this sort of situation before). Don't despair, and don't worry either, your DD will be fine.

Sadly there's bog all to do locally, apart from what had already been refused.we tried dance thing at her suggestion but as soon as she realised she'd have to do something on her own refused to go again. And I'm racked with guilt that I had pnd a bit and have made her thus.

If she is going to nursery happily then I would not worry. She may frankly be bored with some of the activites after so long. I would offer something new like swimming but if she says no then just leave it.

She's 4, she's a bit shy, she doesn't want to do stuff on her own yet. Can't you take her and her sister somewhere to do something? It doesn't have to be a 'learning' activity, she's 4 and she has school for that. Just an activity that celebrates the joy of being alive and being 4, for goodness sakes.

Don't buy into the activity maelstrom that some parents choose for their children, it doesn't end well. Once your daughter experiences new things, new activities and makes some friends, new opportunities and activities will open up and she'll be a happier little girl for not being chivvied.

Hmm. So the verdict of mumsnet is not that she'll end up as socially uncertain and shy as me if we call a halt to torture-by-music-&-movement...

You'd probably find you drop them anyway in the summer when she starts school.

I was the child cried at other children's birthday parties because I felt embarassed and exposed somehow,all that fun group stuff I was supposed to be enjoying and hated every second of.

I'm still an old hermit now, but happy enough in myself to tell anyone who thinks I should go out and get lammed to do one. What I'm not is socially uncertain or shy. I just like my own company 9 times out of 10 more than the hell that is other people.

If your daughter wants to do an activity, let her.If she doesn't, let her.

who cried.

no, she won't!

older 2 dds- dd1 went to everything, did everything- very confident child.

dd2- hated every single thing- only ever went long enough for me to pay for a term before declaring that she hated it. was a home bird

DD1 is now 17. DD2 14- they are both equally confident. would say that dd2 has more friends and more popular.

i was chronically shy as a child and blamed my parents for not taking me anywhere. have eaten my words.

stop the torture!

with dd3, she has just started ballet at 4- this is literally the only thing she has ever done, and she had to beg me to take her.

OP... Were you made to do activities? Did it help?

Your daughter is only 4, let her blossom in her own time and in her own way, that's my advice anyway. :)

Have you asked her why she doesn't want to go?
Also when does she say she doesn't want to go?

My DD aged 5 will tell me all week she wants to go to her music class. About two hours before we have to leave she'll say she doesn't want to go. I still take her and ask her at the end "did you enjoy it and do you want to come back", she says "yes." This happened for about a month and now she is fine with going. I think it was due to some of the other girls being friends away from the class and that caused some issues.

I'm with Bucharest. Children are, after all, simply small people. Some people don't like group activities. I'm in my 30s, and I have plenty of friends, get on with people at work, like a night out BUT the thought of any sort of organised group activity (e.g. holiday with other couples: SHUDDER) fills me with horror.

Anyway, she's not 4, she's still 3. I think that's really, really young. Bimbling around at home is a lovely thing to do.

I love shy children - they're often also kind, thoughtful and intelligent. Everyone seems to want uber-confident children, these days. My Grandma would have called them "cheeky".

Oh aqua that's me. Always thought my solitary and shy nature was cost of early isolation (my mum is socially v shy), and coupled with desire not to burden Dd1 with effects of pnd may be a bit paranoid about helping DD to be different.

And don't you just hate it when you realise it's not about the DC but all about you...