to dislike passive aggressive comments that people make via children?

[Swankyswishing]

A friend came round yesterday afternoon. My toddler did a poo and I changed his nappy. The entire time I was changing him, my friend was saying things like "Come on mister, you should be using the toilet" and (in a twee baby voice) "mummy, mummy, I want you to potty train me". I have no intention of training DS yet as he simply isn't ready but I wasn't prepared to justify myself to her so I totally ignored the comments and she said them over and over again until I had finished changing him.

I hate those sorts of comments. I'd rather she would have been upfront and said "Are you going to potty train him anytime soon, swanky?".

YABU I think you're massively over-reacting and need to relax more often.

Your 'friend' is just doing what lots of people do, it isn't always easy to know what to say around other peoples babies. If she's your friend give her the benefit of the doubt, or tell her how you feel in a nice way, because i'm willing to bet she meant no harm.

Maybe mummy should tell her friendy-wendy to fuckee-uckee offee-woffee

shineynewthings, how have I "massively over-reacted". I didn't shout or swear at her, or tell her to get out of my house. I ignored her comments. And then carried on chatting to her on a more mutually fun topic until she went home. And have had a slight moan on here about her.

If you think this is me massively over-reacting you would hate to see me when I am well and truly angry.

kill her

JaneBirkin Do please share your preferred method of murder. Boiling oil?

I think you have under reacted. If you don't say anything she willl keep doing it.

Doing the baby voice back is a horrible idea IMO.

I'd like to nominate the rubber band gun (using fingers) as demonstrated on You Tube.

failing that, perhaps some pins and a plasticine statue. My sister did this on me once.

My tack if she keeps doing it, will be to pull her up on it and say "I really don't like it when you keep making comments in that baby voice" and she will say "OK" and then will do it again next time we meet up haha

You could try not meeting up with her? She does stand incorrigible. I am sorry for you.

Btw don't potty train - go straight to toilet if you can, or just let them do it by themsel;ves. I didn't train either of the boys, they got there by 3 and a bit, it's a natural instinct in children. Even if there iS no toilet they find somewhere to do it in private...there are studies about this.

I disagree with teaching them until they ask to learn iyswim.

and frankl;y it's far far better for both, not to have tellings off, disappointment, accidents, reward schemes etc

not worth it, it's a construction by someone or other. We don't need to train them at all.

Laughing at the Lydia

I've got two older children and with both of those I followed their lead. DC1 was totally out of nappies at 2 years, having asked to use the loo, and DC2 at 2 years 9 months, again dry day and night because I waited until she was ready. I would far rather wait until DS (2 years 3 months) asks and is ready and willing rather than have all the accident, extra washing, carting the potty round etc etc.

I tend to find asking people to repeat themselves pulls them up short. I f she's done the baby voice, asking as if she is speaking for your son say " I'm sorry what? Was that you? I didn't catch that. What did you say?" she will feel like a total tit doing it again I guarantee it.

Your friend does sound rather simple.

O.K maybe not massively over reacting, but over-reacting. I like my real friends to tell me respectfully to my face if I upset them, so that I can explain my side and stop doing whatever it is that upset them.

I guess I'm wondering why you didn't give your friend the same chance? Or do you intend to later?

I don't know, shiney. She's not a good friend. I will probably just make fewer arrangements to see her if she does the same thing, or similar, next time we meet up.

What about asking her if she is actually talking to him. Nothing wrong with challenging people on their bad behaviour!

"Are you actually asking him that question?"

Well in that case she should stuff her passive aggressive comments I wouldn't cut down your visits though, because this is just the tip of the ice-berg when it comes to this sort of thing. You'll hear well meaning non-direct advice and/or boasting from loads of people. Some will do it without thinking and others very definitely on purpose. We need a gritting teeth emotion

But if she does it next time I'd put her in her place as nicely as possible. You don't have to tell her you don't like her manner, just reiterate that you'll parent in your own way, but thanks for the suggestions. If you come across as a confident new mum, she'll drop the comments pretty sharpish and think before she speaks.

You've got nothing to lose if she's not a great friend, and you really shouldn't have to put up with it if it really annoys you, although I doubt she she thinks she's done anything wrong and was just thoughtless.