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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want 11 year old dd home before it gets dark?

43 replies

cheesesarnie · 03/11/2011 16:12

or am i being over protective and uncool?(her words,to which she was told she wont go out at all).
shes gone to her friends after school.she does this regulary if she has no homework.but now the clocks have gone back i want her home by quarter to five.theres not many street lights here.

aibu?

i realise theres more/bigger aguements to come as she gets older

OP posts:

SardineQueen · 03/11/2011 16:36

Bit of a bugger for working parents though? Or are people managing OK?

SardineQueen · 03/11/2011 16:37

Sorry head in primary school mode. Of course these are secondary school children!

SandStorm · 03/11/2011 16:37

Blimey - my dd starts at 8.30 and finishes at 4.30, then add on after school clubs, she's often not home before 7pm.

That aside, I didn't expect her to be home before dark when she was 11 but only you know your daughter.

Ephiny · 03/11/2011 16:37

Though if you think 4:45 is a reasonable time for her to be home anyway, then of course that's fair enough, she's only 11 after all.

Original poster

cheesesarnie · 03/11/2011 16:41

well shes just come in.happy not stroppy!

i like that theyre are different opinions on this thread,still cant work out if im being ott.

OP posts:

SardineQueen · 03/11/2011 18:04

I don't know, mine are way way off 11!

GrimmaTheNome · 03/11/2011 18:13

well shes just come in.happy not stroppy!

Good!
There's bound to be lots of views because it depends on (a) what your DD is like (b) what your area is like. Personally I think the time is a bit more important than the degree of darkness, but if I lived on a poorly lit road without pavements I'd have a radically different view.

BarmyBiscuit · 03/11/2011 20:26

If at secondary school and having to be home before dark then YABU. She will get teased. How is she meant to cope in the dark if you don't let her experience it. You are babying her.

I expect to get flamed...

Original poster

cheesesarnie · 03/11/2011 20:31

no thats fine.thats what i wanted was opinions not just for everyone to agree with me.

OP posts:

SlackSally · 03/11/2011 20:43

On the 'finishing at half two' thing, several schools round here do that.

They start at 8:20, rather than 8:45 or something, and have two 20 minute breaks, with no proper lunchtime.

Crazy, if you ask me.

troisgarcons · 03/11/2011 21:02

Whats going to happen in the dark that doesnt happen in the light?

ThingsThatGoFlumpInTheNight · 03/11/2011 21:09

Are you serious trois

Do you really think walking around in the dark is as safe as in daylight?

OP YANBU. My eldest is 14 and quite often wants to see friends/do stuff which involves him coming home after dark now. Thats fine but I insist on picking him up. I wouldn't want him wandering around in the dark anymore than I want to do it myself.

SardineQueen · 03/11/2011 21:12

It's a good question though. What is going to happen in the dark that doesnt happen in the light? Difference between walking home at 4 and walking home at 6...?

Original poster

cheesesarnie · 03/11/2011 21:29

true.we did speak about it earlier and have come to a comprimise,shes got to be home by 5(so not much of a comprimise but shes happy),shes got a mobile.we'll see how it goes.

OP posts:

ChippingInAutumnLover · 03/11/2011 21:36

I think, for me, it would depend on the area, the roads (pavement or not) and how far she was coming. If I felt it wasn't safe I'd tell her to be home before dark, but make other plans to pick her up on certain days or have her friend here or whatever. I think it's fair enough to have these rules, but I also think you have to do your bit to enable them to see their friends and go out.

GrimmaTheNome · 03/11/2011 21:36

What is going to happen in the dark that doesnt happen in the light?

well, that depends what sort of road she has to walk on. The OP said the lighting isn't very good.

We have a cut-across road near us, narrow, poorly lit and no pavement - kids from the nearby school use it rather than going the long (paved) way round. If they've been at an after school club it can be pretty dark and they are wearing regulation dark trousers and blazer - accident waiting to happen.

Seriously, my main concern would be to check out the route and see if high-viz clothes are a necessity.

freedom2011 · 03/11/2011 21:43

I wasn't allowed anywhere alone other than school until I was 12 and then I had to be in by dark until I was 14. And then I was picked up. I think you are the parent, you're responsible for her safety and what you say goes.

EdithWeston · 03/11/2011 21:45

DS arrived home in the dark for the first time today (getting here just before 5 after an activity). It's a well lit route, though, with adequate pavements.

It's going to be dark on the way home even earlier over the next few months. Either you have to accept that some of her journeys will be in darkness (though you can reduce this by insisting she comes straight home, buying you a few more weeks in twilight rather than dark), or you will have to arrange a pick up.

Something reflective might help reduce your worries - I ask DSes to put cyclists slap bands round their arms (and often they remember).

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