About dds behaviour who is right'

[RottenRow]

DD is 3 and will be starting school next September. Yesterday we went on a tour of a school and as we had no childcare and we both wanted to go (it is likely to be the one she gets into) we had to take her with us.

She wasn't naughty as such but was a little too loud and disruptive for my liking. Really just normal 3 year old stuff like talking bit loud whilst head was talking and messing about in the lunch hall but I am of the opinion that she needs to learn there are times when she has to be quiet.

DP thinks her behaviour was ok in the circumstances as she was excited etc and I was expecting too much.

I also think it is not enough to tell her to calm down and then just ignore the fact that she is carrying on the same but have no idea what to do other than keep reminding her what is expected of her and hopefully find some good behaviour to praise. Whereas Dp seems to tell her to behave and leave at that even if she doesn't moderate her behaviour.
AIBU?

YANBU

I find it irritating when parents simply pay lip service to the words "Stop it, calm down, be quiet" etc and then give up when the child ignores them.

Yes she is only 3, but now is a good time to be more vocal with her about the sort of behavior you expect.

Lots and lots of praise for good behavior and consistency in yours and your DH's response to bad behavior will probably help.

I took DD to a school visit in September. She's normally a lovely talkative little girl, but on that particular day she decided she wanted to use a baby voice and bite and suck her sleeve at every chance she got . She then kept pulling my arm "to go home" when I was talking to the HT towards the end . I didn't expect her to concentrate more than an hour at most, so wasn't angry or upset at her and the HT understood too.

Your DD sounds like a normal 3 year old. I think I'm with your DH on this one you're expecting way too much of a little girl that age.

i have had this, tbh what i have always done for stuff like this is be prepared, they are going to get bored and maybe play up so i take a bag with small toys/snacks/drinks etc and that helps.

at three they are very little still, my middle two boys primary had a talk recenlty and they wanted parents to attend, obv lots have toddlers and babies and they simply provided a box of toys and some snacks for them! that was lovely, they were in the same room as us but over to the back and out the way they put donw a run and a bean bag and some toys to play wiht, quiet toys!! and that worked well.

i will say tho that by telling her not to do something and then allowing her to carry on, she WILL learn that she can get away with doing stuff! if my child had done this ie my ds4 who is 3 i would have tried to quieten him down, told him if he was quiet he could have a small toy or snack out of hte bag! and if he didnt do as he was told he would be given a warning and i would then have made him sit quietly next to me, or taken him out of the room, or just ot he back of the room so other people could still hear etc. i also have a pushchair with me normally (for hte baby) and i will use that as a 'threat' that he behaves or i strap him in the pushchair for time out! means iahve to hold the baby but thats fine.

but yes the HT will have been used to it :)

Two issues really - not unexpected that she might play up a bit in the circumstances, but your DPs attitude is one I wouldn't be happy with. If you are going to discipline your children, do it as if you mean it - if you're going to rebuke them and then allow them to carry on as they want, you might as well not bother in the first place.
I don't tell my DD off very much, but when I do, I mean it and she does as she is told. A shush and a raised finger means 'be quiet' and she knows it.

In retrospect we should have provided a distraction rather than having to go straight down the telling off route. Think I probably do expect a little too much at times which is why I ask here. So hard to know at times what is the right thing to do!

It was a totally new, intimidating situation for her, one where adults were looking at her and talking about her in her presence. A lot of adults would be a bit daunted in that situation, so of course a 3 year old wouldn't be on their best behaviour. IMO if it's a once-off, unusual situation (which this was, as actually attending school will be totally different for her) there is no point in going over the top with discipline for a small child. For an older child it would be worth teaching them that in new situations it's best to stay quiet and take your cue on how to behave from adults but a 3 year old just won't get this concept. The school will be totally used to reception children being a bit loud and not having the right skills to cope with school. Practically the entire reception year is geared toward settling them in and teaching them how to behave, so you don't need to worry about it, apart from reinforcing the message at home once she has started school.

And I agree, distraction rather than discipline would have been best.

there is a woman who goes to same Weightwatchers class as me and I always seem to get there same time as she does. She has a little girl about 5 or so and she nags nags nags the poor kid to death. I want to scream at her leave the poor sod alone!!!

Do this, dont do that, leave that, sit down, stand still, dont talk, dont sing! (all she was doing was sitting nicely on the chair humming to herself ffs!!)

Even when someone was handing out sweets to all the kids and they all rushed up, obviously the little girl wanted one but she was still nagging her, making her sit down and wait until she was formally invited. That kid is gonna be sick of it by the time she is 6 - I am sick of it already and I only see her 20 minutes a week.

So my advice is pick the times you need to discipline the child - please dont nag nag nag like this dreadful woman does

God I agree about the nagging Melba. I was chatting to a woman at toddler group who was saying that her 2 year old won't eat at mealtimes. Then the snack was brought out and oh my god the nagging!! The poor child didn't have a second of peace, it was all "Sit straight on the chair, don't drop that, try this, try that, sit straight on the chair," repeat ad nauseum. All I was thinking was that if I was that child, I wouldn't want to sit at the table and be harassed either! I didn't say that though

Oh I agree about the nagging too!

Immediately 3 parents come to my mind (school playground) who nag incessantly and their kids literally do switch off and block them out.

They end up ignoring and doing their own thing anyway, so you have to ask yourself...why don't they just chill out and only chastise them when they actually mean it