AIBU about these weekends as an NRP ?

[MrGin]

Ok, a fairly minor one.

I?m an NRP, I happily step up to the mark, contribute well over the CSA calc, want to see as much of my dd as possible. I?m a decent dad. I hope.

I get on ok with my XP. I think we both probably bite our tongues over various things but manage to remain flexible and on friendly terms. We have the alternate w/e scenario with mum being the RP and I live an hour away from dd.

In regards to the flexibility it?s all mostly from my side in that I will regularly move or extend my weekend to accommodate XP?s work, ex-monster-in-laws birthday, dd?s friends birthday parties etc.

This month XP is away two weekends in a row ( whoo-hoo ! for me and dd ) . So I get dd two w/e in a row and then XP will have her the next . I?ve taken the two Fridays in a row off to make this work and am happy to support XP with her work where I can.

However? rather than me having dd for an extra day ( the Fridays ) XP would like me to have dd the usual amount of time by bringing her back on the Sunday instead of the usual Monday drop-off.

Her reasoning being that she won?t see dd much in the week between jobs ( dd has nursery two days, but XP won?t be working in the week ) .

Although I understood her point , and told her, I was still a little about it as I don?t see much of dd in general being the nrp and an extra day would be golly nice.

But I do of course have dd the next weekend so what am I complaining about ! It?s just that three nights is really good for me and dd to settle into each other IYSWIM and as dd is only 3 I?m trying to do short but often access rather than take her on longer holidays until she?s older. And there was an implication that it was more important for dd to see mum rather than dad in this situation.

XP picked up on my being a bit and asked if I thought she was trying to shaft me with access and proceeded to tell me how fair she was in ?giving? me time with dd. < bites tongue >.

To be honest, and I said this to XP, I do feel a bit put out.

AIBU to feel a bit miffed or should I STFU ?

:o

itsonlymemrsB yep sound advice. thanks

chipping yes to that too.

Bedtime for me

At some point life will move on, you may have a new partner, if you haven't squared up to your ex by then there will be some serious angst happen in a new relationship.

So yes erm "man up" and get contact increased. Some grandparents have their gc more frequently than you are having your own dd! Are you sure your ex isn't concerned about her level of maintenance dropping in line with you having more overnights...

Good Luck with whatever you decide !

Just remember, your DD is just as 'entitled' to a Daddy, as she is a Mummy.

OK, I am fairly well known for championing single mothers on this site and pointing out the ways in which many NRPs don't step up to the mark.

On this occasion, while I do see where your XP is coming from and don't think she's being unreasonable to want it, I think in the interests of fairness and, most importantly, in terms of what's best for your DD, YADNBU in wanting this extra time and if I was your X I would swallow down the disappointment and let you have it. You and your DDs relationship will benefit enormously from this.

As the XP of a man who's never paid a penny in maintenance and seems to think parenting extends to 5 hours once every 6 weeks, I'd like to commend you on your behaviour.

I suspect you'll manage to find a compromise as I seem to remember other threads where you two have shown you behave like grown ups when it comes to what's best for your child.

YANBU

It drives me mad when mothers assume all control and think they have more right to access than father's, and I say that as a mother.

I have 2 children from a previous relationship, we have now been divorced for 5 years. The children spend 3 nights EVERY week with their father, access is split right down the middle with us each having the children for 3 and a half days.

We agree to live close by to each other so that this is workable in terms of school and it works very very well, we made the children jointly and so now we will raise them jointly.

YANBU at the moment, you would be if you took the advice of the macho posturing nutjobs on here. And actually, no it's not unreasonable for your ex to think you should appreciate her facilitating contact- she's the one who suffered physically to produce the child and takes on the greater social and financial (and yes, women who are separated are invariably worse off than their male exes, even if some men like to lie about this- google it for factual information, don't trust idiots who wouldn't know non-anecdotal evidence if it bit them on the arse) hit from having children; you just get to have the child without any of that so IMO all dads should be grateful and appreciative of their childrens' mothers. I get that this doesn't fall in line with current MRA psycho ranting approved speech, but it is a biological and economic fact. Plus you acting appreciatively towards your ex now will mean your daughter is more likely to find men who treat her well in future, rather than the abusive types so many women (read the relationship board) end up with- think how you'd want a man to act towards your daughter in this situation, and that's how you should act towards your ex.

Yep - there's a nutjob on here alright.

i agree with chipping (as usual)

i think you should use this as a way to discuss building up to 50/50 care of your dd.

(oh to have an EXP that cared half as much about seeing his dcs as you do)