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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Young children, food & (sorry) FB

51 replies

SausageGoulsAndFruitSpooks · 02/11/2011 14:55

I did have a friend on FB. We "fell out" over this, I don't think AIBU. Do you?

Basically she put a status up saying that her daughter (not even 2yrs old) had cried herself to sleep because she was hungry, but as DD refused her dinner, mum wasn't "giving in" and letting her have any other food.

In comments to friends under status she said that she had made something new and that DD wouldn't even try it so she took it away and made Dd's all time favourite meal, which she also refused to touch so she went to bed hungry.

I pointed out that if DD had refused the first meal, you could possibly come to the conclusion that she was just being fussy but if she had also refused her all time favourite meal then it wouldn't take a genius to figure out that her DD was probably just not hungry at that time. That doesn't stop her being hungry a hour or so later though and that giving her a slice of toast or piece of fruit before bed wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.

I was told to keep my nose out and that it was none of my business (why put it as a FB status then) and that my boys must be spoilt brats if I give them a bowl of cereal or something before bed if they are hungry.

Other people where saying that she should dish up last nights dinner to DD in the morning for breakfast and every meal after that until she ate it.

We do dinner here between 5 & 6pm. I judge timing on what we have done that day, how much the boys have eaten and go from there. Neither of them where eating much at 5pm but they eat much better if they have dinner at around 6pm. Very rarely they are still not particularly hungry at 6pm so on those occasions they'll have a bowl of cereal or slice of toast around 7pm before bed.

I don't think I'm turning them into spoilt brats by using this method. I just don't understand why parents get so worked up when Dc won't eat dinner at 5pm on the dot but then refuse to give them anything when they are hungry later.

OP posts:

fluffythevampirestabber · 02/11/2011 15:34

I would have taken the dinner away once she refused to eat it and she would have got normal supper/snack/milk at bed time.

It won't do her any harm to learn to eat what she's given.

5ofus · 02/11/2011 15:36

2 seems far too young for this kind of harsh approach?

I agree entirely with putting in place no nonsense policy so your children know how the rules work but to not feed a 2 year old for reasons of principle? Bonkers.

TheScaryJessie · 02/11/2011 15:36

Now we're all on the same page, let's get on with the witch-hunt!

The OP's fb friend needs to stop sashaying between over-soft parenting (making an alternative dinner at 5pm) and plunging back in to the Victorian ages. And just do what normal, loving parents do, which is to offer reasonably palatable food, when their children are actually able to eat.

BeeBread · 02/11/2011 15:37

Don't disagree with your approach, but commenting on another's parenting techniques via FB is always dangerous.

Ephiny · 02/11/2011 15:38

It doesn't sound that unreasonable to me. I don't agree with dishing up last night's dinner for breakfast etc (what on earth is that supposed to achieve?). But don't see anything wrong with saying it's dinner or nothing (until the next mealtime) and not running around making snacks for them instead. I've seen that suggested and endorsed many times on here (and indeed many people wouldn't have even made the alternative meals). A healthy child won't come to any harm from missing one meal surely?

Obviously if it's a frequent occurrence she might want to consider moving dinner a bit later in the evening!

Ephiny · 02/11/2011 15:40

Oh actually though, I just noticed the DD is under two - that's a bit different, I was imagining a school-age child. Maybe a little bit young to be able to learn that kind of lesson then, you have to make more allowances when they're very little I think!

I agree that criticising other people's parenting is rarely a good idea, especially in public on Facebook (assuming that's what you did).

Jbck · 02/11/2011 15:40

FGS! The wee one isn't even two, totally NBU but I wouldn't get into a debate as it's such touchy subject.

I am quite strict, as DDs sit eating Halloween sweeties, but that's beyond the pale at that age.

worldgonecrazy · 02/11/2011 15:42

At that age - less than two years old - yes it's cruel. Children aren't really capable of fully understanding consequences of behaviour. I have a DD the same age and would never treat her like that. Making food a weapon is not a healthy habit to form.

If the child was a bit older, say above 5 then going to be hungry isn't such a terrible thing, though I think she was stupid to make an alternative meal after the first was refused.

HeresTheThingBooyhoo · 02/11/2011 15:43

oh hang on. this child isn't even two yet!! that changes things. she wont understand cause and effect of not eating= being hungry. my ds is 2.5 and if her ever refused dinner (has yet to happen) i would give him toast or something after his bath. he always gets milk anyway, they both do.

eurochick · 02/11/2011 15:46

Some posters here don't seem to realise that being hungry for a few hours is not the worse thing in the world. There seems to be a kind of national terror at letting anyone every feel their stomach rumble. That is probably why we are turning into a nation of fatties.

tearsbeforebreakfast · 02/11/2011 15:50

I've done similar with my 4 year old. He is extremely fussy, argumentative and stubborn. He will refuse to eat food he likes and then badger me for other things later on. I'm not throwing his dinner in the bin and then giving him whatever he wants an hour later, he'd be even worse than he is now!

But not before the age of 3.

umf · 02/11/2011 15:52

Under 2??? That's bonkers. One year olds have very little sense. Couldn't possibly understand that refusing tea would mean going to bed hungry.

Sure, you don't want to start pandering to food refusal, but there are kinder and more effective ways of doing it.

TheScaryJessie · 02/11/2011 15:54

That's your opinion, and you're entitled to it.

I, however, think that encouraging people to eat whatever is put in front of them, regardless of internal cues, has a lot to do with many people's obesity.

frazzlenz · 02/11/2011 15:55

I read that the OP had cooked three dinners for the child who had refused them all. I would offer nothing else if that happened to me tbh. With a 2 year old though, I would re-offer one if the previous meals.

NinkyNonker · 02/11/2011 15:56

If they are not even 2 that is totally out of order. 12, maybe.

Ephiny · 02/11/2011 15:58

I don't think it has to be so much forcing/encouraging people to eat what's in front of them, more saying that if you're not hungry enough to eat your dinner, then you're not really hungry, so you don't get an alternative or a snack. No pressure to eat it if you don't want it, but nothing else if you don't.

It's obviously not a sensible strategey with a one-year-old though.

picnicbasketcase · 02/11/2011 15:58

My sister wouldn't eat a certain food when she was about 4 and was given it at every meal until she ate it (not by our parents but a family member who was babysitting for the weekend). To this day she can't stand the thought of eating it ever again. It's a blood mean thing to do to someone. You wouldn't force an adult to do it, so why a child?

NinkyNonker · 02/11/2011 15:58

I am amazed at some of you, I really am. The child is practically still a baby!

Proudnscary · 02/11/2011 15:59

Why the fuckity fuck do people share these sort of things or engage with this sort of thing on Facebook?

I don't get it at all.

Sirzy · 02/11/2011 16:00

Ds is nearly 2, if he refuses his tea like he has a phase of doing recently I take it away and that's that - i dont do an alternative or puddimg at the time. I will always offer some toast or fruit before bed though, and certainly wouldnt leave him crying with hunger.

Now when he is older and can full understand the idea of if you don't eat then you will get nothing else then that's the principle I will work on.

Rollon2012 · 02/11/2011 16:09

seems rather mean,

HeresTheThingBooyhoo · 02/11/2011 16:12

2 meals frazzlenz

Flisspaps · 02/11/2011 16:13

I feel your pain. I got into a ruck with some friends-of-a-friend on FB the other week. She said her 8 week old was still hungry after every feed, any suggestions? I suggested more milk. Most of the other responses consisted of 'baby rice in his bottle' or just 'baby rice'.

Apparently I knew nothing when it came to advising her that this wasn't the best course of action to take if it wasn't recommended by a Health Professional, or that weaning early (ie before 17 weeks) without medical advice could be harmful, however well intentioned the advice was

nailak · 02/11/2011 16:42

with my 4 year old i sometimes do this, as i know she uses hunger as an excuse to not go to bed or to get out of bed, after not eating at dinner, but i can never stand the thought of her being hungry so will normally give her fruit and milk in the bed.

sabrinathemiddleagedwitch · 02/11/2011 16:50

Firstly I think commenting on people parenting via FB is setting yourself up for a kicking.

I don't believe she cried with hunger at bedtime if she was wasn't hungry enough to eat at all at dinnertime. It seems unlikely she wouldn't have had milk before bed, as she is only 1.

Dishing up old dinners for breakfast seems nutty but I don't do the cook a full range of different meals then give toast anyway thing either. I cook one meal but I don't take responsibility for eating it.

I don't think being hungry, in this sense is a terrible thing. I don't like the constant snacking that lots of people do these days.

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