to tell my Mum not to stay for a week after dc2?

[SadieSoundoftheStreets]

Had dc1 last year had moved with dh 3.5 hours from all friends and family while pregnant. Mum visited for one day to meet dc1 , then returned after dh paternity to help for a week. I was struggling with bf , first time mum etc, I don't doubt I was bitchy, she left halfway through the week suddenly. Jumped in a taxi and got train home after staying in a hotel , I begged her not to but she left me and 3 week dc crying on sofa. She said she didn't feel welcome , and said since she got her cancer diagnosis she is v sensitive ( cancer was 2008 and all clear and fine now).

So I'm having Dc 2 and she has just text me which week should she book off as doing holidays at work. I said a couple of days for fun and cuddles with new baby as last time was too stressful for her. Obviously I would love a Mum that would help look after dc1 and get on with it. She seems to want to be treated as a guest which I know won't be possible for a while. My mum in law seemed able to cope with me and she stayed for a week. The last time I properly bf dc1 was the day my Mum left it really upset me and dc1 lost 12% weight so I expressed milk for 3 months and ff too. This time I want all the support I can get and don't think I will be up to treating people as guests for a while after.

Aibu anyway!?

YANBU - I wouldn't have my mum to stay for a similar reason (she wouldn't actually help and would stress me out).

however, I wouldn't tell her by text (my mum still hasn't forgiven me for "excluding" her from her GC).

Oh you cannot have people staying who don't help out and don't do the house stuff.

My mother and my MIL are the same. I did have SIL to stay when my eldest was a few weeks old and she was lovely and able to wash up without a map or instructions. But she kept making me healthy snacks when I wanted chocolate biscuits..

No YANBU. If people can't understand that you have just had a baby and don't want to be running around after them then they should stay home, mum or not.
I would just suggest she pop over for a few hours, if possible, to see the new baby etc, if not just a day or two. Explain that you would like her to come but won't expect her to stay longer than that as it was quite stressful last time and you would like to concentrate on getting the bf right as you were quite upset about not being able to do so first time round.

Wow thanks for the responses so far, I only said it by text as she text from work and was organising holiday then. I tried to make it as nice as possible. Now I'm feeling guilty but that is often how I feel where my Mum is concerned unfortunately.

My mum stayed nearly 2 weeks after DD was born. She was great with DD (having had 6 kids herself) but absolutely useless to me in terms of helping out round the house and she just wanted to sit in the chair and watch TV. I had to practically do everything myself as she couldn't work washing machine, microwave, hoover and couldn't even hang washing on the line without the line falling down! I am now pregnant with DC2 and DH and I have already said my mum will only be stay a few days.

YANBU at all.

My mother stayed for three weeks - yes, read it and weep - THREE WEEKS!! Booked it, arrived from France, and then told me. After a 17 hour labour and a PPH, I couldn't argue as I just didn't have the energy. By the end of the first week she was moaning because I was coping much better than she expected, and she may as well go home.

She did!

This time round, MIL is coming but isn't staying with us! I've asked her to soley help out with DC1 and do the food shopping for me and she seems quite happy with that.

NoobyNoob that is hilarious!

Of course YANBU.

And whilst it´s probably very nice to have help-it is perfectly possible to cope with a toddler/young child & newborn.

I was horrified when my mum assumed that she would move in for 2wks since mine were close in age (22months) & I would need help.

I had visions of me running about like a blue arsed fly whilst she cuddled newborn & handed it over for feeding.

I told her we would wait & see & as it went, I was fine by myself.

Mine will be 16 months apart, so I can guess it might be tricky at times to say the least , but I will have to cope . I have no family or close friends here and dh is out 7-7 so I will have to manage on my own after the first 2 weeks. The only thing I feel bad about is dc2 won't really get to go to the baby groups I did with dc1 as I don't see how I can do stuff like that , or swimming etc alone. I suppose the dreaded soft play might be ok after a while!

Oh swimming might be hard at first-but you might be able to fit it in with baby´s naps, as I assume you couldn´t take them both into the pool anyway.

Baby groups might be easier than you think-depending on how far away as there´s always someone wanting to hold baby whilst you play with your toddler.

Are there any playgroups nearby that your oldest could go to?

My biggest advice would be sleep when they do & no minimal housework!