to want to throw a shitty nappy at DH at 5.30am?

[AbyCat]

Background - DS is 5 months old, and I had planned to have 6-9 months maternity leave. Unfortunately DH lost his job in August, and as I run my own business, we decided he would become a SAHD while I went back to work (particularly as there wasn't anything on the market for him at the time).

DS has been waking several times a night over the past few weeks (mixture of teething, bad cold etc.) - and it's always me who has to get up & soothe him, never DH. He always murmurs that he'll get up in a minute, but never does, & I can't leave DS to cry. 5.30 this morning, I changed DS nappy, soothed him back to sleep for the 5th time, and was in tears at the thought of getting up for work in only an hour or so while DH snored away. If I was the SAHM still, then there would be no way that I would let him get up every time & deal with things when he had to do a full day's work. I have no problem at all doing it at weekends, but I am getting so sleep deprived at the moment trying to work a 10 hour day as well as this, that I am losing the plot.

AIBU to rub the shitty nappy in his face next time? Asking nicely, telling, nagging & shouting doesn't work!

What has he said when you talk about it in the daytime? I know some people find night waking hard but he is taking the p. "in a minute" doesn't work with a baby.

Maybe you have to prod him awake a few times to get him to physically get up. I appreciate that you don't want to leave your DS crying, I wouldn't either.

I honestley dont hear the twins when they wake (i am mum) it pisses DH off ALOT.

He always says by the time he has woken me up he could have had them sorted and be back down himself. He works full time i am a sahm.

when he is away i wake up eventually to hear them they settle themselves back down but yes he should make more of an effort to get up.

If you are working and he is at home in the daytime he should be doing most of the night time waking. Don't accept no for an answer. If DS still wakes frequently then you might need to do some of the times or give your DH a night off when you're not working the next day but basically he should be doing the majority of it. You need to shake him awake and tell him to get on with it if he doesn't get up straightaway.

Earplugs? It should be DH's job imho; I'd bet he'd get round to it quicker if he didn't know you'd get up first...

Does he use a monitor? (is DS in another room?) If not I'd suggest having the monitor very close to his head if he struggles that much.

If DS is teething & poorly I'd personally say it's fair for you to do some of it in the week until he's better, because it's exhausting dealing with all of the extra wakings alone, but he is being hugely inconsiderate.

Do you have a baby monitor? Crank the volume up and put it under DH's pillow or on his bedside table. Bet he'd wake up then.

Great minds think alike, nmh.

:)

YANBU at all.
I'm a SAHM and did nearly all the night-time stuff with DD who didn't sleep through till she was a year old.
The way I saw it was that I had the opportunity to rest or nap during the day when DD napped and DH didn't have that option as he had to go to work.
Your DH is being very U letting you do all the night wakings.
Short of letting your DS cry until DH has to get up to soothe him, I'm not sure what you can do if asking/nagging/shouting has failed.

Thank you ladies, in my befuddled state, I was starting to think that perhaps it's normal for the mother to do all the night time wakings (my MiL seems to think it is! which is maybe where the problem stems from, as DH does phone her for advice when I'm out at work).
Baby monitor is on my side of the bed, plus I'm closest to the door (DS room is right next door) so I will definitely move that for starters. I think some of it is guilt - I think I have to go to him straight away as I feel so bad for being away from him during the day, & my illogical fear is that he's only waking up so much now because he's missing me during the day! Wrong, right?

Right, you're wrong!

Aww. He's waking because he's poorly & teething. :)

Get that monitor switched now. You'll also have to learn to lie there a bit until he gets up. Try to wait a minute longer to start. That plus the monitor may prod him into action.

P.S. your MIL is wrong!

I am a SAHM and do 75% of the night wakings on week nights, she is 15 mo and only just started sleeping through on occasion, fingers crossed! Dd has never been a day time napper up until recently so I have never been able to sleep when she does. 100% of wakings would have rendered me a zombie which wouldn't have been fair.

Sometimes now DH hears her and I don't, I reckon my body is making up for lost sleep! However if he does it all the time he needs to sort it, it is part of his job ar the mo. (I don't think 0530 is an unreasonable time to be up though, 0130 would be a different kettle of fish!)

Meant to say will he really MOT wake with a solid elbow in the ribs administered every 30 secs?

A little bit radical but how about you tell him passive agressively sweetly if he 'can't' hear DS then you will have to put DS in with DH and move yourself to spare room/DS room. Then get earplugs.

I did all the night time stuff, I still do. I'm good on 4 hours of sleep, dh isn't. But he does other stuff (like cooking and cleaning) that I can't abide, so I can live with it.

YABu- if you throw the nappy sounds like you'll end up cleaning it up too

You shouldn't be getting up all the time. He should do majority as he is SAHD. If he is knackered and can't face another sleepless night, you should help him out of course, like DH does for me.

Really? Our alarm goes at 0630 so 0530 not that bad for us, we always found 0430 was a hideous one...if she took longer than 20 mins to resettle we couldn't get back to sleep again. We both get up at the same time and have the same opportunity for rest during the day (not so bad when she was younger and would feed for hours hence sofa sitting!) so it is hard for both of us, not just the working person. I think also it depends how much sleep you need, I am used to 5 hrs from years of early commutes etc so 0530 not so bad. We celebrate if she sleeps till then!

Anyway, I still agree with the OP, he should be doing more, absolutely.

You need to split the hours. YOU do before midnight, H does after.

Do you know what - I come from your H's perspective. I am a SAHM and I really struggle to get up sometimes in the night because I am a really heavy sleeper, however, DH is a really light sleeper (he works flexible hours from home though). The way I see it is that the minute a child wakes up he will be awake anyway so he may as well be doing something.

The way it is meant to work is that we have a child each overnight, but it rarely happens that way nowadays.

Yes, DH sometimes takes the early shift as he can fall asleep ib seconds, whereas I can rake hours and hours.

Ten hour day is very long ... and sleep deprivation can make everything seem very black

Yes put monitor by his head, get ear plugs, change bed sides, tell him he is in charge during the night, have a temporary move round if need be - put a single mattress for him next to babys bed or move her cot into your room and you sleep by yourself in baby room .

I agree he should be doing the weekday wakes and the weekend wakes should be 50% each.