to think he should agree to help with Christmas?

[newfashionedmum]

My DP has just phoned to talk about christmas leave - he's planning to take a stretch of days from 21st Dec to 2nd Jan which is great :) We have friends (his friends but I love them too, they're great!) staying on the 23rd so the run up to Crimbo will be frenetic as usual.

He works full time and I don't really (just odd bits of stuff and some voluntary work) but have just started a course which will last 12 months full time as well as looking after our DD who is still at primary school, doing the bulk of the house work, organising the household etc. Also trying to get/keep well as I've been really run down over the last couple of years. I average a hospital appointment every couple of weeks and try to do exercise/yoga etc. The time all adds up..

DP works in the city centre so could do Christmas shopping at lunchtime or after work, or online. So I asked him if he would dedicate those pre christmas days off to helping me with Christmas preparations. His response "I'm not promising to do that" in quite a stroppy defensive tone of voice.

AIBU to think heIBU?

No,
he is being an aarese. But if you run around making him feel that anythign you ask him to do is a favour not his responsibility he is going to think that it is OK. How about making a list of Christmas chores, and tell him to tell you which one she is doing. If he refuses then do not do it for him. Also he needs to live up to his responsibilities around the house more. Try not running around after him for a bit, i.e do not make dinner, iron his clothes etc.

that should read arse!!

YABU. He shouldn't "help" you?he should do his share.

The only thing I'd quibble about in what you say is the concept that it is your responsibility - asking him to help you implies that it is your job to do and he'd be doing you a favour. In fact, Christmas is a shared responsibility and he should do his share of it because its his share, not to help you out!

Make a list of what needs done and discuss which parts are his responsibility. Mark them accordingly and stick the list to the fridge so he can't "forget" about it. Then leave him to do his share of the work.

its easy enough if you get organised

order as much as poss online

get friends to bring stuff

make a list of what you want to do on what day

Maybe he's likeme and doesnt want to "dedicate" ALL of the days to shopping etc....I bet if you had put it differently he wouldnt have said that... would sa "We'll have a lot of shopping to do at Christmas so for some of the time you could get things I haven't time for."

As AMum says, give him HIS stuff to do and elet him geon with it as he sees fit.

good points all - i suppose because i'm the household organiser and SAHM i am currently feeling I am the 'lead' on this stuff and he's my less than glamorous assistant.

I think I'll do a list of jobs and we'll agree between us who does what, he can decide when he does them to an extent with the proviso that some (eg cleaning the bathroom before his friends come, sharing cooking, wrapping last minute presents, entertaining our DD) will have to be done in those couple of holiday days.

He came home and apologised for being rude to me on the phone - but not for saying he wouldn't promise to help do his share. Suitably bolstered by my comrade wimmin I will tackle him tomorrow! thanks all.

You know what? leaving aside your DP being arsey over this and getting him to do his share, have you considered just not running yourself into the ground because its Christmas?

You have had the time to do it in previous years and probably just absorb it all and think its all necessary. It isn't, not all of it. Really.

yeah i know what your saying helen - i try and simplify it - we had even less time last year as i was working (part time) but DD is at that magic age (6) where a tree, some presents (many already bought-charity shops ), and crimbo dinner are all part of the package. Sending cards matters too cos we have a massively complicated and widely dispersed family and its a nice way to stay in touch. We won't overdo it though and i will bear your words in mind when i start to get ideas (my problem - i have loads of ideas - then not the energy to make them all happen!)