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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wait to tie the knot or should we just do it now?

16 replies

itsbeentoolong · 01/11/2011 12:41

I'm pregnant with DC2.
We have a 15yr old DS.

DP and I have known each other since DS was 5. Been together officially now for 4 years.
DP has adopted DS and is 'dad'.

I'm 31 DP is 33.

We know we both want to get married. But we have hit a problem

DP would like us to get married before DC2 is born or more preferably in the next few weeks
I would prefer to wait until DC2 gets here, and that has all settled and then get married.

I suppose there are pro and cons to both

So

AIBU to wait to get married?
or
AIBU to not get married in the next few weeks?

OP posts:
featherbag · 01/11/2011 12:44

If you really want to do it, just do it - it'll be a million times harder to plan, organise and afford a wedding once the baby arrives, and for those reasons may never actually happen!

valiumredhead · 01/11/2011 12:46

Do it now for the reasons feather said :)

Ephiny · 01/11/2011 12:47

What are his reasons for wanting to get married straight away? It seems to me that if you've been happily together and unmarried for 10 years, why the need to rush now?

ZonkedOut · 01/11/2011 12:49

I don't think waiting or not waiting is a question of reasonableness, really. It's down to personal preferences. And the two of you obviously have to come to some agreement on it.

In terms of legalities such as registering birth, and inheritance should one of you die, things would be more straightforward if you got married first. I'm also inferring that it would make him more comfortable with his DC being born when you are married.

Waiting would be easier if you want an organised wedding of any sort, or more than a few guests.

But, if you're sure you want to get married, why in particular do you want to wait? It won't necessarily be any more settled with a newborn around!

Ephiny · 01/11/2011 12:51

Sorry, not 10 years, I misread. Still don't see the need to rush though. Or are you planning a very small wedding that wouldn't take much time to organise?

squeakytoy · 01/11/2011 12:51

Have a small quick, registry office wedding now, then have a big party style wedding vow renewal with all the works at a later date.

GreyRosesAreMyFavourite · 01/11/2011 12:54

Do it now. If you do it after the wedding, I think you have to re-register the baby (from another post on here earlier this week).

A wedding is about the marriage afterwards and what better way to start! Having a baby together will be lovely and personally I think waiting (for what???) is silly. But that's just my opinion Grin

MrBloomsNursery · 01/11/2011 12:54

Depends on how far along you are, and how big you want your wedding to be. If you're in your third trimester then you might not want the hassle of organising an event, unless you would be happy with a quickie wedding, and then a party after baby is born.

SazZandASparkler · 01/11/2011 12:55

Agree with squeaky, small wedding now. Paaaaaartaaaay later Grin

Congrats BTW Smile

ChaoticAngel · 01/11/2011 12:56

Why would they have to re-register the baby? Confused

OP neither of you are being UR. I suppose it depends on how pregnant you are and what type of wedding you want as to when you do it.

Original poster
itsbeentoolong · 01/11/2011 12:58

it would be a small wedding. About 4 members of my family about 8 from DPs then 3 close friends with partners.
I suppose we could have a bigger thing when babe is here.
We would have to re-register birth?? hmm

And I'm just 6 mnths - just.

OP posts:
Pudding2be · 01/11/2011 13:02

You have to re register the birth if you weren't married when baby is born. don't know why but that's what the registrar said

I'm organising my wedding for next may, and my DD will be 8 months. Tbh I would of rather got married before because it's a pita trying to organise a wedding while getting used to broken sleep etc

notso · 01/11/2011 13:03

Do it now. I really wish we had got married before DD was born instead of waiting six years and another DC before getting round to it.

The re-registering the birth thing is supposed to be a legal requirement but you only face a £2 fine if you are caught.

Original poster
itsbeentoolong · 01/11/2011 13:05

From direct gov :

The natural parents have married each other since the birth

If the natural parents have married each other since the birth, they need to re-register the birth so that a new birth record can be created showing the child as a child of the parents? marriage.

In these circumstances, you need to complete an ?Application for re-registration following parents? marriage? form.

hmmm - maybe DP will get his way, no point of making more work for ourselves I suppose.

OP posts:
ChaoticAngel · 01/11/2011 13:06

I never knew that but then again my ex and I never married. I wonder how many people never did re-register because either they didn't know or completely forgot.

Sorry OP I'll stop hi-jacking now Blush

Ephiny · 01/11/2011 13:19

I had no idea you had to re-register if you get married - anyone know why? Sounds like some outdated thing about 'legitimising' Hmm the child, though maybe there's some valid reason?

Does it depend how old the child is when you get married - presumably if they're adult by that point it doesn't matter?

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