From LMP, I should be 8 weeks and 2 days pregnant (I think) with dc2, but had a private early scan at what should have been 6 weeks 5 days which showed foetus compatible with dates of 5 weeks 4 days. Only reason I had this scan was because I was going away and had been having some right-sided pain which I was fairly sure was mechanical/hip related but didn't want to find myself having a possible ectopic abroad where I couldn't speak the language. There were lots of things about the scan that were positive - hb of 115, gestational sac 14mm, length 4.6mm.. looking healthy.. but the only possible conception date was CD 13/14 out of a 24 day cycle, so it is unlikely that my dates can be that far out and sonographer said chances were 50:50 that it would remain viable.. I am inbetween scans at the moment, will be rescanned on the 17th of November to see if anything has grown and if this pregnancy is really viable.
Last time on ds I was very, very sick at this stage - throwing up all the time - and I never took a day off. This time, I am suffering intense nausea and tiredness which I am obviously relatively pleased about, as I am hopeful it is a sign this pregnancy is continuing..
BUT
I don't feel very equipped to be at work, to be honest. I kind of have to be at work at the moment as I am being paid to do extra sessions of training, so I know I can't really take time off. I have been off today and yesterday because ds has croup and couldn't go to nursery, and being off has made me realise how low I am physically and, to an extent, emotionally at the moment.
When I had the scan, I went to work straight after it and I ended up getting tearful. The colleague I work most closely with was a bit funny with me about it, pretty much told me just to get a grip and every woman has a miscarriage and it's not a big deal.. but I don't know I am having a miscarriage at all and many people have told me that this dating stuff at an early scan is quite common so am trying to be REALLY positive about it.. but I just feel so much more uncertain. I don't know why I got tearful, to be honest. I just did. I didn't go into work intending to say anything about it.
I would like to be able to ignore the symptoms but I feel dreadful, really dreadful. I have been a terrible mum to poor ds while he is sick compared to how I normally would and I just feel really low and lacking in energy. I wish I could just get sick like I did last time because at least I was doing something. This is such small fry, I know.. there are much worse things that can happen in life and I keep trying to rationalise it, tell myself that it will be fine either way, the worst that can happen is a miscarriage and it would be fine, it does happen to so many people.. but I just can't help myself, I feel awful. I feel particularly stupid to be feeling so down about something that is not at all certain and perhaps this pregnancy is doing just AOK, and if I hadn't had the scan I wouldn't know either way anway.
AIBU to want to take the rest of the week off, hide under a rock? Should I book another scan after two weeks instead of waiting until the 17th? It seems forever away... yet I know there will be no guarantees potentially so perhaps I just need to wait it out? Am I just being pathetic?