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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to take time off for morning sickness even though I haven't actually been sick?

7 replies

working9while5 · 01/11/2011 12:39

From LMP, I should be 8 weeks and 2 days pregnant (I think) with dc2, but had a private early scan at what should have been 6 weeks 5 days which showed foetus compatible with dates of 5 weeks 4 days. Only reason I had this scan was because I was going away and had been having some right-sided pain which I was fairly sure was mechanical/hip related but didn't want to find myself having a possible ectopic abroad where I couldn't speak the language. There were lots of things about the scan that were positive - hb of 115, gestational sac 14mm, length 4.6mm.. looking healthy.. but the only possible conception date was CD 13/14 out of a 24 day cycle, so it is unlikely that my dates can be that far out and sonographer said chances were 50:50 that it would remain viable.. I am inbetween scans at the moment, will be rescanned on the 17th of November to see if anything has grown and if this pregnancy is really viable.

Last time on ds I was very, very sick at this stage - throwing up all the time - and I never took a day off. This time, I am suffering intense nausea and tiredness which I am obviously relatively pleased about, as I am hopeful it is a sign this pregnancy is continuing..

BUT

I don't feel very equipped to be at work, to be honest. I kind of have to be at work at the moment as I am being paid to do extra sessions of training, so I know I can't really take time off. I have been off today and yesterday because ds has croup and couldn't go to nursery, and being off has made me realise how low I am physically and, to an extent, emotionally at the moment.

When I had the scan, I went to work straight after it and I ended up getting tearful. The colleague I work most closely with was a bit funny with me about it, pretty much told me just to get a grip and every woman has a miscarriage and it's not a big deal.. but I don't know I am having a miscarriage at all and many people have told me that this dating stuff at an early scan is quite common so am trying to be REALLY positive about it.. but I just feel so much more uncertain. I don't know why I got tearful, to be honest. I just did. I didn't go into work intending to say anything about it.

I would like to be able to ignore the symptoms but I feel dreadful, really dreadful. I have been a terrible mum to poor ds while he is sick compared to how I normally would and I just feel really low and lacking in energy. I wish I could just get sick like I did last time because at least I was doing something. This is such small fry, I know.. there are much worse things that can happen in life and I keep trying to rationalise it, tell myself that it will be fine either way, the worst that can happen is a miscarriage and it would be fine, it does happen to so many people.. but I just can't help myself, I feel awful. I feel particularly stupid to be feeling so down about something that is not at all certain and perhaps this pregnancy is doing just AOK, and if I hadn't had the scan I wouldn't know either way anway.

AIBU to want to take the rest of the week off, hide under a rock? Should I book another scan after two weeks instead of waiting until the 17th? It seems forever away... yet I know there will be no guarantees potentially so perhaps I just need to wait it out? Am I just being pathetic?

OP posts:
EdithWeston · 01/11/2011 12:55

Oh dear, it sounds like you're having a really tough time and I do hope it all works out for you.

But I do not think you should lie to your work about reasons for time off. This is in your own interests - your integrity would be gone, and if caught out there will inevitably be bad consequences.

That is separate from whether you need time off. I suggest you go and see your GP and say to them what you posted here. See if you can get yourself signed off properly for the time you need. Then you can have the time off with a clear conscience.

working9while5 · 01/11/2011 13:00

Sorry, I didn't mean lie.. I originally meant take time off for morning sickness even though I haven't vomited.. e.g. take it off for the nausea alone though not actually head-over-toilet-bowl. But when I started writing I suppose the other elements came out too! Yes, maybe the GP is the one..

But I still think I am possibly just being a wuss. I might be better off at work.. I guess I am just not really sure what is for the best and AIBU might give me a shaking

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 01/11/2011 13:02

I dont think you will be able to concentrate on your work while your mind is so stressed, so I would get signed off. Hope it all works out ok. :)

MrBloomsNursery · 01/11/2011 13:04

No, take the time off. You don't have to be physically sick to have time off. Take a week off and give yourself time to recover or relax. Then try again. You and your baby are more important than your job right now.

IgnoringTheChildren · 01/11/2011 13:06

My early scans (due to bleeding) at 6 and 8 weeks since LMP both showed the foetus to be smaller than expected (by about 7 days both times I think), however the results from a scan at 13 weeks matched "my" dates. There is quite a margin for error when sonographers are trying to measure such a small foetus - if they're out by 1mm it obviously makes a much larger difference to the EDD than for later scans. Plus not all babies will grow at the same "expected" rate!

I felt sick for ages with my last pregnancy but only threw up once, whereas with my first the morning sickness disappered by 17 weeks but I threw up much more. My second pregnancy ended in miscarriage and the morning sickness I felt early on disappeared completely a week before the bleeding started.

As to whether you should take time off work or book another scan before the
17th - you probably are being a bit pathetic but I expect in your circumstances I would want to do the same thing! As to your colleagues comments - yes lots of women do have miscarriages but that doesn't make it any less of a "big deal" for you if you go through it! Hopefully you won't have to though - I'm surprised by your sonographer's "50:50" chance statement as I was told that even with my bleeding (and I bled a lot) as everything looked healthy and there was a heartbeat the chances were good (and I have my DS2 to show for it!)

Fingers crossed for you! Smile

CointreauVersial · 01/11/2011 13:08

You sound tired, stressed and run-down. Take some time off and look after yourself.

If it's less than five days you don't need a doctor's sign-off, as far as I know, so just take the rest of the week and see how you feel.

Good luck for the scan on the 17th.

spiderpig8 · 01/11/2011 13:09

Take the time off.I once heard an excellent quote
'Nobody on their deathbed has ever regretted not spending more time at work!'

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