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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH and airmiles

40 replies

witchyhills · 01/11/2011 11:39

DH flies a lot for work
Has hundreds of thousands of airmiles, and uses them for upgrades or personal flights for him or his mother
He has never used them to upgrade me or DS.
He got given 40,000 airmiles(complaint about flight we took together, and I wrote the letter) and they have gone into my account. I have a family account
I thought it would be nice if my family could use them. A free flight for them would be a real treat. He goes anywhere whenever he wants.

He actually pulled a face, and said " we should use them on me?"

Am I being so unreasonable to suggest they get a free flight to Spain?

OP posts:

zimm · 02/11/2011 09:51

He has had FOUR trip to aus this year without you? Appreciate MIL is ill but couldn't youhave gone for a holiday?

What are his good points OP?

MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 02/11/2011 09:55

YANBU he needs to be more giving. My DH gets a lot of free things such as tickets to the theatre and hotel and spa vouchers and he takes real pleasure in sharing them with his family and mine. Youur DH needs a lesson in life.

slavetofilofax · 02/11/2011 10:05

I don't see the problem with the soaps, I'd be quite happy to get one as a present and he doesn't mind giving those away, does he?

I think this must be a symptom of some bigger problems, because if your DH flies alot for personal reasons, I don't see why it's that bad that he wants to save some money and use the miles himself. It would be a nice gesture, but to not give them away isn't in itself a horrible thing to do.

I really don't think that using something that is yours for yourself is selfish.

But that said, I do dislike tight, stingy people. Then again, those people usually have a lot more to show for their money that I do, so I'm a little but jealous that they can be so sensible when it comes to saving money!

TheBrideofFrankenstein · 02/11/2011 10:54

I think it's tight- DH gets tonnes of air miles and we normally use them to upgrade anyone who is coming out to see us as it's an expensive route.

We also use them for family flights home. However, I am cunning and have all the passwords so they are basically MY airmiles

TheBrideofFrankenstein · 02/11/2011 10:56

Also soap= toxic gift, whatever the price. Use or chuck. Do not gift.

Ghoulwithadragontattoo · 02/11/2011 11:12

I'm guessing he wants to use those airmiles toward his next flight to visit his dying mother. I can understand that given cost of flight to Australia without airmiles is very high. You need to explain to him why you think your mum should get them. I don't think this is clear cut tightness on your DH's part. Just something you have to talk out as a couple.

WhereYouLeftIt · 02/11/2011 11:35

Ghoul, his mother is "poorly", which is a bit less emotive than "dying". And not so poorly that he visited her rather than the rugby world cup final.

Ghoulwithadragontattoo · 02/11/2011 12:33

You might be right but I have a feeling that his side of this story might be a bit different to yours.

Imagine this post:

AIBU? DW and I recently took a flight aboard where, to cut a long story short, the airline mucked up. DW helped me draft a letter to them and they agreed to give us 40000 airmiles to say sorry to us. I was planning on using them towards a flight to Australia to visit my mum who has been very sick this year and is now pretty elderly. I haven't been able to get to visit her so much as I would have liked in the past due to expense and family commitments here. But DW wants to spend the airmiles on a trip to Spain for her mum (who lives 10 mins away and we see twice a week). This will mean delaying my flight to see my mum by another 6 months (so I can save up the air fare) by which time who knows what her state of health might be. AIBU to insist that we use the airmiles for ourselves rather than giving them away to family members?

WhereYouLeftIt · 02/11/2011 12:50

Fair point, Ghoul. But OP has said that her husband "Has hundreds of thousands of airmiles" and that he "will continue to earn them". Apparently UK to Australia will cost 10,000 airmiles.

EverybodysScaryEyed · 02/11/2011 13:00

I think they are probably BAmiles rather than the Airmiles so to go business to Australia would be 200,000 plus tax which can actually come to quite a lot. So there is a cash cost

My DH is in the same position and we decide how to spend them together. he has used them for his Mum but I know he wouldn't have a problem using them on my family

Ghoulwithadragontattoo · 02/11/2011 13:09

I'm not saying DH is right. I'm just saying this is more nuanced than you might at first think. You just need to have a grown up discussion over how the miles should be used OP.

minipie · 02/11/2011 13:22

IMVHO

He is not being unreasonable if he wants to spend the airmiles on himself, you and the children, instead of on your sister.

He is being unreasonable if he wants to spend the airmiles on himself, instead of on you and the children.

Which is it, OP?

Original poster

witchyhills · 02/11/2011 18:14

Zimm-I went on one of the trips to Aus, that was a family holiday,but no airmiles were offered to buy our flight or upgrade. He didn't even try and find us a good deal, I figured us out a Premium economy seat.
His mother is not dying, she has been over here this year for a month, she is having treatment, chemo and radio. One of the trips he went over for a specialist appt.

Slavetofilofax, I don't have a problem with points he earns, these points were an extra bonus, so I just thought it would be a nice gesture if we treated my family.

A flight to europe is about 15,000 + taxes.
A flight to Aus, I dont know, probably at least 100,000
He has half a million Qantas points, about 200,000 emirates points and now 40,000 BA points which I collect, that's what I'm talking about. It would just be easy, as sis and mum on my account

His point was he wants to spend them on himself, not me or DS or my sis, or brother( who would struggle for a holiday)

He lives in such a different world to my family, it would just be nice if he could share it

OP posts:

Iodine · 02/11/2011 18:30

I have 2 uncles. One is very, very wealthy. Apart from having a few houses around the world (in spectacular places) and driving some nice cars you wouldn't necessarily know. I have never heard him speak about money but will do very kind things quietly- paying for huge family dinners, buying his sister and her sn baby a house etc.

My other uncle likes to boast at every possibility about how much money he has (lives in a 3 bed semi, is hardly loaded) and is as tight as a badger's arse. Never sent us kids birthday presents (when my dad wouldn't dream of not sending his kids one!) and has conveniently forgotten the time he left his wife with 2 small children and refused to give any money leaving my dad and sahm to give what they had left of their money each month so his kids could be fed. He also thinks nothing of telling his family they cant afford a holiday and then disappearing off on one with his friends.

Your husband, I suspect falls in the 2nd category. Selfish bastard.

minipie · 02/11/2011 20:46

witchy while it would be of course be nice if he was generous towards your sis and bro, I don't think you can exactly say he is being unreasonable not to be... it's just disappointing that he's not more generously inclined.

However I think he is being incredibly unreasonable not to share the air miles with you and DS. Which bit of "all that I have I share with you" in the wedding vows did he not understand? Presumably he shares his salary with you and DS, so why not the other benefits of his job? I would be if DH behaved like this.

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