Aibu that dh can also do some of the looking after when ds is I'll?

[ChablisLover]

Basically says it all

Ds is Ill and has been for over a week now with chest infection. Went to doctors today and got more antibiotics and he took it and was promptly sick.

The immediate assumption by dh would be that i would rearrange my days and take tomorrow off. (now i don't mind doing this) but am being a bit off as he never even said he would take the day off just assumed i would.

Is my work not as important? But this seems to be the way? I always have to sort out childcare etc

Aibu or just accept and let my work done twice in a week?

YANBU
He should negotiate with you - even if he starts from a position of "I think you should stay home tomorrow". He shouldn't just assume. Relationship is about communication.

If you both work f/t then caring for sick children should be shared, with the caveat that whoever has deadlines gets dibs on being at work.

If one of you is p/t then you need to work out a proportional sharing arrangements, again taking deadlines into account.

Either way, your DH will have to do his share, whatever that share may be. No excuses, his work is not more important than yours.

YANBU. There should always be a discussion. IMO it depends on several factors, such as the nature of the work, how easy it is to get someone to cover for you or put the work on hold until you return, how flexible/understanding the employer is etc.

YANBU and I don't see why your workplace is the one to have to cope with your absence all the time. Assuming that you're not a bracelet model and he's an A&E surgeon on emergency duty, a bit more parity would be nice. Definitely raise it with him.

YANBU, ofcourse he should take some responsibility too, but having been there, I would feel much much more happier if I was with my DC giving medicine and looking after them, because I'm a control freak like that and would be phoning him every 2 mins from work and piss him off.

definitely should be shared. if I was your workplace and it wasn't I would be fed up!

Take turns, it's the only fair way. Also, as far as your employer are concerned if they can see that you are sharing this with your DH when possible they are likely to be much more understanding about it. It's certainly that way at my workplace.

YANBU he is wrong to assume and taking the piss a little bit.

You can't win the argument though, as he'll accuse you of being precious, as you'd probably agree that you rearranging is more convenient/ plausible as an option anyway?

Feel for you all though, it is horrible when your DC is ill like this for longer than a few days, upsetting for DC and exhausting and worrying for you both too. Hope he feels better soon.

Yes apparently can't win this argument. My work can be rearranged and I have understanding employers but I don't want to push it. His work is after all more important! This last bit should be read with a v heavy dose sarcasm!

But apparently the 2 hours for three days he looked after him before my parents could take him count as sharing responsibility.

Feeling v annoyed this morning. And to top it all cannot even get appointment to see doctor. He will ring instead. Sorry I have a 4 year old who was given an antibiotic and threw up. I would think that was acceptable to be squeezed in.

Without knowing the nature of your work, distance from home, etc., if all factors are equal of course childcare should be divided equally. I'm not even sure why this should be up for debate these days. He's being selfish.

Sorry. Accountant working 25 miles from home. Dh works from home!

Even more annoyed this morning.

The scary thing is that i work 4 days a week soon to be 5. Although these will be on reduced hours. I leave house at 7 to start at 8 and finish at 3 to get home.

I have done a lot of rearranging etc and moved jobs to get hours etc reduced and I have given up any career progression and think I have basically wasted 2 professional qualifications. I had hoped once ds was at school i could increase hours responsibilities with dh help and support but it doen't appear to be occurring. This leads to another Aibu thread but will leave that for another day and argument

YANBU to think it should be shared. If your employers are more fexible it is reasonable that you rearrange more often but it shouldn.t be assumed.

I don't think when some men behave this way it is just being 'selfish'. There is a massive amount of progamming from childhood that tells men, women do the caring. It can be worked around, talked about and pointed out, not agreeing to that would be selfish, but coming from a stand point that is based on gender brain washing is not entirley his fault.

He works from home? I would actually expect him to do at least half of the illness cover then.

My experience of caring for a sick child (I appreciate this is not always the case) is that I mostly just have to be in the same room for them to feel comforted. So well able to e.g. work on a laptop; with DS resting and watching favourite DVD/children's TV, lying on couch with his duvet, bucket by the side for when needed. Springing to attention when he was sick, cleaning up after him, fetching drinks, tempting his appetite - still able to get SOME work done while being "on duty".

Unless his work involves being under a car in a draughty garage, your husband is shirking.

YANBU Your H is being extremely selfish. His DS is also his responsibility.

Sorry, that should say Your (as in your's and his) DS.

All other things being equal, of course the responsibility should be shared. However sometimes it's easier for one parent to take time off than it is for the other - but it should be discussed, he shouldn't just assume that you'll take care of everything!

YANBU!!!

I work with a lot of women with young children and it is always them (not their partners) who take the time off when LOs are ill. It drives me mad! In fact, within a few days of getting pg I told DP that he would be doing at least half of the sick days. He may earn more than me, but his job isn't 'more important'.

If LO is still ill the day after tomorrow tell your H that he is looking after him.

He works from home?

You can SO win this argument

He works from home??? at his shirking now. This will be very hard to do, but I would really consider just getting up tomorrow and getting ready for work and going out, saying 'Your turn today'. I feel a bit double standarded saying that as am furious when I read about men doing this, which they fairly often seem to do but given that you've asked repeatedly and he isn't behaving fairly, I think you need to do something drastic.