Am I being unreasonable to expect DH to "do" something on his day off?

[ilovecake]

Perhaps and i'm just a mean moo? I was SAHM with my DD and DS for last 8 years - apart from making and selling jewellery on a small time basis. Now DS at school have decided I would like to become teaching assistant so am volunteering one day a week with my children's school and undertaking a course, also took on agency home care work to earn some extra money and still making jewellery. Am now doing around 27 hours a week plus all the usual things we all do as mums. DH said he would support my return to working proper but he works shifts and so his days off usually fall in the week so kids are in school. He generally has a lie in, then gets up and plays on his phone or the wii or f*s about doing nothing so when i come back from doing which ever role i am in for the day i get really resentful that he won't think to do anything helpful around the house without me specifically asking. He will do things if asked but i've got enough to think about without planning his days too! It's just doing my head in - am i just being unreasonable or expecting too much?

"Does he actually know what you need him to do? I'm beginning to feel a bit sorry for all these blokes who are expected to see what needs doing and then do it. "

Wicket you have a screw loose. Do you honestly think all men shouldn't be expected to clean up after themselves just because they're men and that us women should happily trail after them doing everything around the house?

I hope your post is a joke but if it isn't then I hope you're happy in your life of martyrdom.

Wicket you have a screw loose. Possibly.

But every second post on MN is complaining about a man not being able to do something that appears obvious. So I'm putting forward the hypothesis that maybe it looks obvious, but it isn't obvious to these men.

And I made the analogy of me being left to look after the cars. Yes, I drive a car every day, yes I get it dirty, I wear down the brake pads, etc etc. But apart from a vague notion of how to check the tyres, and the ability to take it to the car wash, I would be pretty stuck.

I absolutely don't expect women to trail along after their men - but give them a break and explain what's wanted. To go back to my garage - if I'd been in the garage all day, not really sure what to do, worrying that I might do some permanent damage, and my OH came home and was annoyed that I'd done nothing, I might just be a bit peeved. I might also be too embarrassed to admit that I didn't have a clue (better to be shouted at for playing a game than to be laughed at for not knowing something so obvious). And how many women complain, when their man does indeed do something, that he's done it wrong?

I think we do ourselves a disservice if we simply expect them to be able to do it. I was taught how to bottom out a room, do laundry, iron, cook a meal - my mother taught me, and I do it well. My DH wasn't. Keeping a household of people clean and fed is a skilled job, so expecting someone without the 'training and experience' to just be able to do it is unfair on them, and unfair on us as it diminishes what we do.

So, to reiterate - share your knowledge, tell him what to do. Then he'll know.

Well, I was not taught how to clean a house properly, but guess what I still figured it out because it's not actually that complicated.

Running an entire household on your own, and doing it well, is indeed a tough job. Sweeping the floor, washing dishes, folding laundry, making pasta -- these are easy tasks.

If a man can wash his own arse and shave, he can do the dishes and sweep.

Wicked, in the car scenario, rather than ignore the car totally until it broke down, I might a) contact my partner and say that I needed some help knowing where to start b) read the manual/have a look on the internet c) book myself onto a basic car maintenance course. Be proactive basically.