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Original poster

what should I do about this situation, I shouldn't know about what he has done...

21 replies

ImYourDaughter · 31/10/2011 16:06

when I met my bf I knew he had previously dated someone called Alannah & didn't think anything of it.
he's mentioned her a couple times now and also mentioned how pretty he thinks she is and has shown me a photo of her... he told me that I should be aware that he is still friends with her (This made me question things a little bit..)

Last night out of the blue he mentioned that he had invited her to his birthday party (which was a few days ago) but that she reacted strangely when he said he was seeing someone. I said Okay (I don't know why he even told me this..) and asked him if he intended to see her again, he said yes as if there were no doubt about it even after having just told me that.

I've been cheated on before I'm not an idiot, I did something wrong, I looked at his messages between him and her on his phone, I know I shouldn't have but I'm just sick of boys wasting my time. he had messaged her telling her how gorgeous she was, another telling her that he loved her the way she is (?) and another telling her it would be difficult for her to sleep in his room on his birthday because he is seeing someone....

all these messages are within the time I have been seeing him.

I shouldn't have been going through his phone so how do I confront him about this? I'm not even angry I've been cheated on before and don't want to waste any more time with this dude. I just want to end it, how do I explain?

(I'm asking on mumsnet because I find you guys have really insightful answers and I don't want to talk to my mum about this yet)

OP posts:
WestsAwake · 31/10/2011 16:09

Get rid, he's wasting your time.

How old are you, btw? You sound young. Honestly, love, men like this are not worth your time.

ScarahStratton · 31/10/2011 16:10

Just tell him. If you're going to walk away from him, and I would too, there's no point in beating about the bush.

AttillaTheMum · 31/10/2011 16:13

I would be blunt and say what you have said to us, you are well rid

SharrieTBGinzatome · 31/10/2011 16:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

TooEasilyTempted · 31/10/2011 16:15

Tell him you've seen the messages, he's obviously not over his ex and you don't want to waste any more of your time with him. Short and to the point.

GHAHSTLYGHOULYpants · 31/10/2011 16:15

You do not owe him an explanation, just say, you are a loser, I hope you and Alannah are very happy together, she might put up with a cheating fucker, but I won't.

ScarahStratton · 31/10/2011 16:16

Oh you so do deserve someone better, you sound lovely. I would be proud to have such a sensible daughter.

LadySybilPussPolham · 31/10/2011 16:19

poor you. You don't have to explain much if you don't want to - just say you don't think it's working out and you'd rather not see him any more. Don't waste your time

mumsamilitant · 31/10/2011 16:24

Hiya Sweetheart. Yes, you do sound lovely and I'd be proud of you too.

You owe him nothing. Just dump him without any explanation so he never knows why and can't blame you for nosing (which I would have done too)

He'll probably be showing Alannah your photo in a few months saying how lovely you were!

Good riddance to bad rubbish ay Smile

PartyPooperz · 31/10/2011 16:43

He is actively trying to play you off against her against Alannaha (sp?) so he WANTS you to feel insecure. He thinks he is a prize to be fought over. He is not. Just withdraw from the competition.

How about sending a text saying "Listen, probably best we part friends. I think you and A probably need another shot at seeing whether it will work and I would like to see other people so good luck. No hard feelings. Another time, another place and all that. IYDx"

And then refuse all contact, gather your friends, go out do something you enjoy. He deserves no place in your thoughts.

NellyMelba · 31/10/2011 16:46

is his birthday party gonna have jelly and icecream and pass the parcel

when he gets to 15 maybe he will be more considerate

Squitten · 31/10/2011 17:04

Well, you could tell him what you know - if you're dumping him anyway, who cares what he thinks about it?

Or you can just tell him you don't like him anymore, don't see a future and you're off. No argument required, no explanations needed from anyone.

cosmologist · 31/10/2011 17:11

You are clearly young. This will set a tone for the rest of your adult relationships. Don't let some boy play you around, just say no thanks, time to move on. Right now, and forever, you deserve a decent boyfriend and if this one's cheating, lying and generally messing you around you move on and find a boyfriend who makes you feel happy.

You will also be benefiting the rest of womankind as you make a stand and try to get the message across to one more tosser that that kind of behaviour will just see him in dumpsville.

razors · 31/10/2011 17:14

Dump him - tell him you don't think it's working, DO NOT tell him you looked at his messages - deny deny deny! Usually - if your gut reaction is something is going on you are probably right.

Original poster
ImYourDaughter · 02/11/2011 12:21

okay, I'm just going to tell him we are not right for each other, as we clearly aren't lol, thanks guys x

OP posts:
PosiesOfPoison · 02/11/2011 12:23

Brilliant.

WhereYouLeftIt · 02/11/2011 12:29

"I shouldn't have been going through his phone so how do I confront him about this? "
No need to confront. Just ditch.

WhereYouLeftIt · 02/11/2011 12:30

Sigh. I really need to refresh threads before posting, don't I? Smile

OP, glad you've got a plan you're happy with.

gypsycat · 02/11/2011 12:52

I wouldn't mention Alanna when you dump him as it will make you sound bitter or childish. Just tell him you're no longer interested and have a nice life. Poor bloke's obviously still hung up on his ex and shouldn't have been dating your in the first place.

mrsSOAK · 02/11/2011 13:39

why were you not at his birthday party?

Proudnscary · 02/11/2011 13:40

I wouldn't give any explanation either.

It will make you feel and seem very strong, it will make him feel very paranoid!

Far better to leave him thinking you just weren't that into him or thought he was a prick then have a throw down about this other girl.

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