AIBU to get annoyed when people imply that you don't have a 'life' if you're a mum...

[Scarydragontalk]

I often hear people say, 'I had my DCs in my 30s so I'd had a life first' (as if by the age of 29 you've experienced all life has to offer), or 'I had my DCs early so I can have a life once they've flown the nest.'

I'm probably reading too much into it but it seems like such a negative view of what life with children is like, as if being a parent is such an awful slog that they are dying to be free of it. And it's like they feel they can't do anything for themselves while they are raising children, which is surely just going to lead to resentment.

i planned and had my first child age 20 and my second child at 23, i have worked it out by the time my dc2 is 16 i will be 39 and i will still be young enough to have a diffrent sort of live ( no idea what though lol)

i enjoy being a mum, but i cant wait to have the freedom to just pop on my coat and just go to the shop with out packing a giat rucksack of nappies, wetwipes, juice cup, spare clothes ect

I had ds1 at 16,
ds2 at 25
ds3 at 32

I'm sure my life would have been totally different if I'd had them closer together at the age I am now, when my friends went off to uni I had my own house, work and was studying , when they went travelling I was getting married.
Of course life changes when you have children, there are lots of things you can't fo anymore once they come along. I've never resented it though

slinking I never claimed to be having the same type of fun as I did pre-dcs. This is exactly my point - you still have a life with children, it's just a different one!

I agree - different kind of fun with kids. I travelled and lived abroad, moved around a lot in my 20s and enjoyed my freedom. There's no way a baby would have fitted in with that carefree lifestyle.

Of course, I'd still hope to travel with children, but I would put their needs first and not my own, so it would be a different sort of adventure.

I think what people mean is that you can't be so self-centred and independent with kids - yes you still have fun, but IMO as a parent you try to put their needs first, which inevitably means some sacrifice. Especially if like most parents, you're more limited with time and money than before you have children. Few parents have the same lifestyle as childless adults, but you wouldn't expect it either. It's not really a negative comment - it's just an observation.

My old school friends say that to me all the time! I had DS1 just before I turned 20, and DS2 at 22, I am 27 now. On the rare occasion I see my old school friends (none of whom have children) they say 'oh you've missed out on so much life What like getting pissed (which I only like to do once or twice a year) and having sex with random strangers?? I have a great life, just different to theirs! I wouldn't change having had my DCs young for the world!

YANBU

I agree with you and also find it quite annoying at times.

I am a single mum of two girls and had my eldest when I was 19. I never intended to have children but don't really think it has affected my life in a negative way at all. I still finished my degree in a great uni well away from my hometown, lived a pretty full student life, did my teacher training and have always had a full time teaching job that I adore. My oldest girl has toured Southern Africa and accompanied me when working in schools in Africa and both girls have toured South America with me and spent lots of time in orphanages and on the streets with children in the favellas of Brazil. Nest summer we intend to go to India together to work with children in poverty. I am a very active member of an amateur dramatics group and go to the gym several times a week - the children just come along and get involved. I also manage the odd night out, either with or without the girls.

I'm a firm believer in the philosophy that as long as you love your children and provide for them boring things like routine are entirely optional! I could never be a stay at home every night type of parent. I'd be miserable and,as a consequence, so would the girls.

YANBU.

My life is way more fun now I have DS! Before I had him I went to work, had to commute etc, now I get to play in the park, catch up with friends and go swimming, chill out and drink tea.

my life started after I had my DD and I love being a mum. yes, I don't have "party life" like my childless friends do byt imo I'm not missing a thing, I was never party animal anyway so I don't miss it really ;)

ach, sod 'em. Who cares what they think. Also, remember most people are usually more bothered about justifying their own life choices, to themselves and others, rather than judging yours.