To want to know your opinions on what makes a parenting expert?

[FlamingoBingo]

Can someone be an 'expert' in parenting - ie. someone to whom people come to for advice about parenting - if they are not themselves parents?

If so, why?
If not, why not?

Go on - fight it out. Really, really would love to hear your opinions!

I don't think there is such a person as an expert in parenting. Even well seasoned parents don't know other people's children.

Prehaps what is needed is someone with strong listening skills and the ablity to hold back from giving out advice. Reflective listening is a powerful way of helping people to solve their own problems whether its parenting, relationships or emotional welbeing.

Hmm. I think it would involve someone with the ability to retain lots of facts and figures, whilst keeping an extremely open and flexible mind.

So can a non-parent advise effectively about parenting, do you think, so long as they have good listening skills and know a lot of things?

How much would they be able to empathise with parental emotional turmoil, do you think? Is that important?

Yes, but isn't that different? A midwife is dealing with a potentially dangerous medical situation.

I think sometimes it is much easier to advise when they aren't your own children..

I think either can be experts if like reallytired says they listen and reflect well. Sometimes I find it annoying when my nonparent friends or friends with babies tell me how or what to do with my own children. My sil had my dnephew 3 months she proceeded to tell me how he will never have a tantrum its not in his character I refrained from giving advice just smiled and nodded.

I think those will children are better equipped with knowledge of raising children. Despite this I

Whooneedssleep - yes, definitely easier when not you're own children, but do you think it's helpful to have the benefit of experience of the feelings and emotions that being a parent inspires?

I think that if you have children yourself you can draw on your own experiences, but there are so many challenges about being a parent people will have experience in some areas and some others, for example some parents never have to deal with difficult sleepers, some parents' children eat well from day 1...others don't.

We were away with family last week and my DN has v poor eating habits, I could think of half a dozen things to suggest to his mother that would in my view make him eat better (I didn't suggest these as it is a sensitive area) but at the same time my DD2 is by no means perfect in the eating department, I just think it is a bit easier when you aren't so close to the situation.

I think the very reason kids listen to and obey SuperNanny (and her ilk) is because she's a scary stranger lady and not their Mum, whose buttons they know exactly how to push.

Someone who's studied child psychology and family dynamics?

NOT someone who auditioned for the part and relies on a scary black power suit Word behind the scenes is that Supernanny is fed her lines by psychologists anyway.

It is a journo type thread-but I've seen the name about.

Not that that means anything.

I'm not a journo, no. It's a debate I had on twitter earlier based on a blog post I wrote, and I knew MN would have an opinion.

LaPrune - LOL.

What about doctors who are just...um...doctors who've doctored some families with children?

And this is honestly and truly just for my interest - I had assumed most parents thought that parenting experts should be parents themselves, but a non-parent got the hump about it and said it was snobby and that us parents make non-parents feel like second-class citizens

So I wanted to hear what others thought, without having another argument, that's all.

I'd trust a doctor over an actress.

Yeah, me too

OK, how about this for a hierarchy of good parent advice-givers:

1. a parent who understands how to listen and offer non-judgemental evidence based support

1. a non-parent who understands how to listen etc.

1. a parent who doesn't understand how to listen etc.

1. a non-parent who doesn't understand how to listen etc.

Although actually maybe 3 and 4 should be swapped around, as judgemental parents are probably worse than non-judgemental parents...what do you think?

I think someone can have knowledge and experience in a field but by no means does it give them the term 'expert'. I seroiusly distrust ANYONE calling themselves an 'expert' in anything - usually that word is easily substituted with the words 'Bullsh*t merchant'.

I think having children gives people doing jobs (like midwifery, doctoring, teaching) a bit more compassion, but by no means makes them better at their jobs.

Me too, Fleshwound! I do agree with what you're saying, but their jobs are teaching/medicine/midwifery, not parenting advisors...?

Hmmm...I suppose objectively, I think that a person can study and gain experience in anything, and if it is to a level where they are considered 'expert' (although I have problems with this phrase too) then fair enough.

A healthcare professional for example (particularly for example a therapist or counsellor, who don't look after physical conditions so much as emotional and mental health issues) can be an expert on lots of things that they themselves have never experienced. I would say someone who is e.g. a childminder or a nanny might gain a level of experience where they might be considered expert.

But as I said, I don't really like the term parenting expert, but I would say it has to be someone who has experience of a large number of children, so is able to apply and draw from that wide experience in their job, rather than a blanket one-size-fits-all approach.

D

but my point is that not all parents have experienced all aspects of parenting...

I had an awful time with DD2 with reflux and sleep deprivation but none of my friends who also had children were able to give me any advice as they hadn't been through similar, a very good friend just used to bring me round food she had cooked.

I got some good advice from a friend of a friend who had been through similar and also from a childless friend who works with babies with feeding problems.

So I don't think anyone person is an expert in all aspects of parenting.

Agree fleshwound as a general rule, only other can people can call you an expert, never yourself!

So it depends on the thing you're asking advice about?

Delia - what you say suggests that a teacher, for example, would know better how to parent than a parent. Is that what you mean? Isn't it really very different looking after your own children than someone else's? A few of my mum friends used to be nannies, and they all say that, while the nannying kind of helped them, they thought they knew it all and when they had children, they realised they didn't!