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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

to bloody hate it when..

17 replies

YesTisMe · 31/10/2011 11:31

you lend someone something, that you specifically tell them you want back once they have finished with it.
and they go and either bin it, loose it, or give it away to someone else?
and then act shocked when you ask for the items back?

OP posts:

bemybebe · 31/10/2011 11:33

What happened yes?

WhereYouLeftIt · 31/10/2011 11:34

YANBU. But come on, spill - did they bin, lose or give it away. And what was it? [nosy emoticon]

Original poster

YesTisMe · 31/10/2011 11:37

i lent a friend a bag of costumes for their daughter to uss. their child is younger than mine, i have another one younger than theirs so said, dont get rid of it, i want it back for dd to use, so i dont have to rebuy. disney costumes etc.
she said no probs will give it back when she is a bit bigger.
i asked for it back 2 weeks ago and she stalled, sayng it was in the loft.
turns out its not and that she gave some to a friend who has since moved and cant find the rest.

OP posts:

PomBearAtTheGatesOfDoom · 31/10/2011 11:53

Or she sold them all on ebay! Ask her how she plans to replace them, tell her second hand is fine but they need to be the same quality as the ones you gave her, and see what she says.

Scholes34 · 31/10/2011 13:26

I do hate it, but then just kick myself for lending the things in the first place.

colken · 31/10/2011 13:31

I don't lend things any more because of unfortunate experiences and I know that it can be rather embarrassing to refuse, especially if it's someone I've known for many years. But just to be fair, I don't borrow either. If I want, say, a copy of someone's photgraph, I don't borrow the negative, I ask them to get a copy done and give them money in advance so that they don't feel they have to give it to me.

diddl · 31/10/2011 13:38

How annoying, makes you not want to lend stuff, doesn´t it?

I guess only lend if you don´t really care if you get it back?

helenthemadex · 31/10/2011 13:48

I dont lend anything now to anyone even close friends unless I am prepared to not get it back

previously I lent someone my amby hammock beautiful white cotton, they loaned it to someone else, when I eventually got it back it had mildew all over it and was torn

whoneedssleepanyway · 31/10/2011 13:51

I can't believe people lend things on to others that aren't theirs to lend....!

That is terrible about your hammock Helen, I have to admit I do have a few books that have never made their way back to other people but I haven't got rid of them and won't unless told to and fully intend to give them back.

Megatron · 31/10/2011 14:30

I hate this. It makes me feel like just not lending stuff to people, in fact, I don't really anymore. A good friend of mine borrowed our portable DVD player for the car and promptly 'couldn't remember where she put it' when I asked for it back a week later. Turns out she had lent it to her sister who managed to break it. I was bloody livid, asked for it to be replaced but it never was.

HerdOfTinyElephants · 31/10/2011 14:36

I don't lend things that I'd be seriously upset not to get back any more. I still lend things but I have always made mental peace with myself that if they don't come back it's OK because I can live without it or don't mind replacing it; if things don't fall into that category I don't lend them. Similarly I only lend money I can afford to lose.

cat64 · 31/10/2011 14:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MrBloomsNursery · 31/10/2011 14:43

Yes. I gave my brother my FAVOURITE movie to watch once. I waited to get it back...he never gave it back. So when I asked for it, he showed me a PILE OF BROKEN/DIRTY/STAINED CD'S and said it must be in there somewhere, and then said "if its no there then the girls might have broken and binned it"!!!! .

LydiaWickham · 31/10/2011 14:49

....and this is why all DS's stuff just goes up in the loft, packed away neatly. When I have finished having DCs, then I'll give things to people or sell them, I refuse to lend things to friends who've had DCs since I had DS as I know I'm unlikely to get them back in a halfway decent state for the next one.

startail · 31/10/2011 15:04

My kind hearted (bloody daft) DH has lent our jig saw and, no doubt, a pile of blades to the lads next door.
He should know better, they have enough previous to take into consideration!

birdofthenorth · 31/10/2011 15:10

Annoying!! Had a similar incident last year. Grrrr. YANBU.

plupervert · 31/10/2011 15:24

I've just got back a whole lot of baby stuff that I lent out to more than one family (our DC2 is due in December), so it is possible to lend and not regret it! That's at least three separate households which have returned things to us.

However, the fact that it has all worked out for me only underlines how reasonable it is to hope people will not take the piss, will give things back on time and will take care of things (ok, there were a few stains, but condition in general was fine).

Flip