To be upset that no one seems to want to socialise with us

[Thescream]

Just getting a bit upset with fact that everyone I try to arrange outings/playdates/visits with is already busy or doesn't have time for us. Last week I tried to arrange several things and nothing came of it. I don't have much family and it gets me down that no one will do anything. I don't think we're obnoxious people, we try and be good hosts etc so why won't anyone play with us?

Some of the excuses we've had are:

Busy painting house

busy tidying house

if you are a genuinely busy person with lots of family around, do you find it hard to fit other people in?

I suppose the fact that I'm a SAHM doesn't help.

I don't think being a SAHM helps - you will have more time than a lot of other people.

I know that since I stopped working, we all have a lot more time as a family and we are sometimes known to have children over to play after school and go out for the day with other people. My DH and I both have much better social lives. Socially we're a lot richer, financially, well, we're not!

We don't have lots of family around but sometimes when you've spent all week talking to other people and being crowded and clock watching, sometimes in your free time you just want to enjoy the simple pleasures of painting the house and getting stuff done. And we couldn't be bothered spending time with other people unless we absolutely desperately wanted to.

Maybe you're leaving it a bit to the last minute for their schedule? It's not that we have hundreds of friends but if the adults are to be involved in the socialising (rather than just dropping of the children with a friend for the afternoon) we usually need about 3 weeks notice.

Tidying your house sounds like a rubbish excuse but actually when you're really busy in the week and you have a couple of busy weekends in a row, you do need to put one aside for getting on top of stuff and chilling out and doing a big cooking session to stock up your freezer so you can cope with weekdays of rushing home from work for 10 minutes before taxiing various children to activities and then getting in 1 hr before bedtime with homework and baths and dinner to be fitted in.

I have felt like this many times; people just don't seem to have space in their lives for more friends.
Have you tried meeting up with other SAHP during the week (coffee or walk after school drop off or everyone off to the playground or back to yours for a snack after school pickup)?
Sometimes with SAHP NOT planning seems to work better, as in: "My DD just asked if your DD could come round to play, and I really need a cup of tea, do you have time to drop in?" Sometimes people see organized events as pressure, but might enjoy a quick chat on the spur of the moment.
I don't know why I'm giving advice because I have trouble with this myself, so obviously haven't figured it out.

I am sorry you are feeling upset about this. Is difficult to know what to suggest without a bit more info. How old are your DCs? Have you recently moved to a new area? Are you in a town or a village? What about transport?

I am a working parent and if i have booked a week off for half term, I don't think I'd want to waste it going out with people on playdates tbh.

Maybe you're leaving it a bit to the last minute for their schedule?

I think you may have hit the nail on the head! I am exactly like OP (although not SAHM anymore, I have been for 11 years and have kept a very laid back attitude to organising things) and whenever I ask friends to come to mine or to meet to do something out with the DCs they have already organised things and we end up doing stuff on our own.

Before this holiday I was abit more organised and talked to a few people DAYS before being off about the possibility of meeting up and do stuff together and EVERYONE had already organised stuff weeks in advance to entertain their DCs so once again we had a "between ourselves brake". In my case it is not to bad as my DCs seem to enjpy nothing better than just playing outside on their scooter or watch a bit of tv, play a family game...

I think if we want to spend time with other people, we have to start planning the days out with friends for next summer holiday now!

Hehe, it's not quite that bad. We still have free time at the end of November!

Most of my friends work, so we always organise to meet up or go out and ensure that its done with at least a months notice. We al do our own thing aswell, but we are all so busy, that we do have to plan in advance. Maybe you could try arranging things a coule of weeks before and you may get more success.

We have already arranged our Christmas get together, to ensure that everyone can make it.

Thanks it helps to know others feel like that too.

Yes maybe i do need to plan several weeks ahead. I tend to plan activities for the next week. Will definitely try doing the impromptu invites.
Have a dd aged 3 and have lived here for a couple of years. We do know a few people fom playgroups/NCT. I have transport so happy to travel really.

I get a bit frustrated after getting several rejections then think oh well i won't bother but that just leads to more loneliness, so a vicious circle.

Alo don't know many SAHPs. Also it makes me think my life must be so boring if we haven't got stuff sceduled for months in advance. Think not having any family really depresses me but not like i can do anything about that is there.

Will start planning for January activities i think :-)

I'm also a SAHM and if it wasn't for my bestest friend (also a SAHM), I'd feel like a right social leper. Trouble is, when you're a working parent, it is very difficult to fit in your existing friends, never mind finding time for new ones, which may be why you're having problems. Keep trying, just don't look too desperate :)

I have a big family and lots of (old) friends so no I genuinely wouldn't have time to fit 'other/new' friends in - just being factual.
I feel for you though, that's tough and sorry you feel left out re family. I would definitely plan ahead if you can.