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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to fork out for expensive shoes for DD to be a bridesmaid?

25 replies

wangle99 · 30/10/2011 09:12

My sister gets married in two weeks, DD and I are both bridesmaids. It's been specific we need silver shoes.

Sister just phoned up and said we'll take DD shopping, enquired as to who was paying and she reeled off all she has had to pay for so far for the wedding and we will need to pay for shoes. DD has wide feet so is no doubt going to need expensive shoes, Sister thinks this is fine I don't as am broke and had card refused in tesco yesterday. She said don't worry i'll lend you money send it back the moment you get paid.

I thought as a bridesmaid if something is specific they should buy it? I know when I got married my bridesmaids didn't pay for anything (and I was pretty broke then as well lol)

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
MrsCog · 30/10/2011 09:14

Hmm - my bridesmaids all paid for their own shoes, but I insisted they didn't all have to be the same, they just had to 'go' ok with the dress. I also insisted that as they were spending their own money, they should buy shoes they were likely to wear again. Do you think you'll be able to choose something she'll wear again?

ripstheirthroatoutliveupstairs · 30/10/2011 09:15

How odd. Can she specify what colour shoes you wear? I know nothing of wedding etiquette.
How old is your DD? It is doubtful that she'd wear silver shoes any other time unless she does ballroom dancing, so it's your sister's responsibility to pay IMO.

StewieGriffinsMom · 30/10/2011 09:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JosieRosie · 30/10/2011 09:16

YANBU at all. What a cheek! As far as I'm concerned, your sister should be paying for everything to do with her bridesmaids outfits. Especially as she knows your financial situation.

picnicbasketcase · 30/10/2011 09:17

Could try eBay, plenty of people sell different width fittings.

It is difficult - when I've been a bridesmaid, I wasn't expected to pay for anything. And if she knows you're broke, it seems a bit unfair that she'll lend you the money but wants it straight back. Is she struggling to pay for everything herself and is embarassed to tell you?

luckyrocketshipunderpants · 30/10/2011 09:17

I think if she is going to be particular about the colour, she should pay especially if you cannot afford it.

Original poster
wangle99 · 30/10/2011 09:18

She has said she wants bridesmaids in silver shoes. Now I appreciate party season is coming in so more likely to find them but I haven't been able to find any. I've borrowed some off a friend. DD is very unlikely to wear them again as even though she is 14 the kind of shoes she needs are unlikely to worn again.

OP posts:
NinkyNonker · 30/10/2011 09:19

Don't know, for my sister I prob would but if you can't afford it you can't afford it. We paid for everything for our BMs but only had a couple.

picnicbasketcase · 30/10/2011 09:20

What size are your DD's feet? Get the MNers on the case!

eurochick · 30/10/2011 09:29

I've been looking for (adult) silver shoes for a black tie wedding I am going to shortly and there seems to be a dearth of them. I have next weekend to have another look and then I'll have to give up and wear something else!

zipzap · 30/10/2011 09:30

Could you get handy with an existing pair of shoes (or some very cheap ones) and silver foil or silver paint/shoe dye or glitter? Depending on how permanent you want it to be... Grin

VivaLeBeaver · 30/10/2011 09:32

Next have got loads of silver shoes in for about £15 each. My dd has wide feet, f or g fitting but can wear quite a few next styles.

thenightsky · 30/10/2011 09:33

silver spray on a pair of Primark cheapies?

RedHelenB · 30/10/2011 09:35

I would go for silver spray - it will be fine for one day's worth of wear.

TeWihara · 30/10/2011 09:41

I think you should tell your sister to naff off tbh.

LilyBolero · 30/10/2011 09:42

Some here - not too expensive

AurraSing · 30/10/2011 09:54

I'd be tempted to tell your sister to piss off and send dd to the wedding in her school shoes, but fabbys suggestion is good. And slightly less aggressive.

Original poster
wangle99 · 30/10/2011 09:54

To be honest I think my disgruntledness goes deeper than the shoes but this really bugged me. Thank you for the ebay link I might get some of those and hope they fit! DD perhaps could wear them at Christmas.

Thank you ladies I was rather fraught this morning you have calmed me down!

OP posts:
PrincessJenga · 30/10/2011 09:54

What size is she? I bet an MNer would offer you a pair or find you some cheap ones. I'll start... I have a pair of New Look silver shoes, slight heel in a size 5.

trumpton · 30/10/2011 09:57

NEW LOOK ??

Or have any friends got a pair she can borrow ?

pigletmania · 30/10/2011 10:05

YANBU, your sister should pay for them as she asked your dd to be bridesmaid. If you cannot afford to buy the whole bridesmaid outfit, don't have as many bridesmaids. I paid for everything for my 2 bridesmaids, it never occured to me to ask them to pay for things, after all I asked them.

Original poster
wangle99 · 30/10/2011 10:12

I have just bought the pair on ebay, DD said she is now a six (Thank you PrincessJenga for the offer though) hopefully they will fit otherwise she can hobble a bit for a couple of hours then change!!!

I appreciate they are doing it on a budget but so did I when I got married and didn't expect people to pay for stuff! Thank you

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 30/10/2011 10:14

Get her to wear them around the house in the evenings, that should make them stretch if need be.

Theas18 · 30/10/2011 10:52

ballet pumps from a dance shop would do fine and ot very spendy. Or some from shoe value? They always have silver. She might have wide feet but a cheap pair for the ceremony and photos with comfy ones for after wont be a problem.

Mind you at 14 she's unlikely to grow much and I'd splash out on a pair that she'd wear for dress up parties etc

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