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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to not want my dps sister and her husband to come and stay?

32 replies

Iodine · 29/10/2011 21:19

Before I get flamed he has a sister and two brothers. I have had one of the brothers to stay a few times and have driven him to the airport and picked him up again (had come up from the depths of the south west because it was cheap to fly from the airport near me) and if the other and his wife wanted to come and stay I would welcome them with open arms because they have always been very friendly to me.

His sister came to stay a few months ago but only because she had a work conference nearby and work wouldn't pay for her to stay in a hotel. I was working away from home that week and came back on the Friday evening. We had arranged to meet up with some of my DPs friends (so he could introduce them to his sister) for a meal and the sister had been talking about it all day. They were out having drinks when I arrived home so I made arrangements to join them and all of a sudden she started talking about how tired she was (it was 7pm and I had no sympathy for her having just spent 3 hours battling the traffic on the m25!). So she made a massive fuss, insisted on walking home alone and spent the night on her own whilst we were out eating a meal and being sociable. The night before my dp had arranged to take her out for a trial of the hobby he does in his spare time but she had also cancelled and spent the night alone in my house.

This isn't the only time she has cancelled. Whenever we go to visit my dps parents (she lives nearby) she cancels coming to see us or having dinner at the parent's house. We even had a situation where dps mum and dad were taking the sister and husband out for a meal and we happened to be coming down so we were invited along too. As soon as dp's sister found out she cancelled saying she was "ill".

My DP is a dr and he has commented before how much of a hyperchondriac she is and how she will only get in contact with him when she has a question about her various cancers, Cushings syndrome and diabetes that she is always diagnosing herself with.

This woman has never shown me any warmth. I have been kind and open to her and feel like I have been treated badly in return. We already have plans for next weekend and she has texted to ask if her husband and her can come and stay a week in advance (is it cynical of me to think she must have something going on up here and wants free accommodation?). Our plans mean that we would have to leave them at home in our house for Saturday night and the whole of Sunday day.

Before I get flamed I would like to reiterate that I would have no problem with his other 2 siblings coming to stay who have actually made an effort with us!

AIBU to not want her coming to stay at such short notice when we already have plans?

OP posts:
joanofarchitrave · 29/10/2011 22:18

Sounds like anxiety to me as well, or some other kind of mental problem. Very hard to be around, I do sympathise with you. If I were you I would let her come to stay but just get on with your own plans and don't do stuff that makes you feel resentful if she doesn't take part. Stock the fridge, give her a key and say that you have got lots on at the moment and you know she won't mind if you just do what you have to do because she is family?

ToxicMoxie · 29/10/2011 22:30

It sounds like she just wants a free place to crash. I'm guessing if you say you'll be gone, she'll tell you it's no problem and be delighted to stay without you there.

If DP really wants to do something for her, he should agree to another weekend when he will actually get to visit with her.

iscream · 29/10/2011 22:56

Sounds like anxiety over something to me as well. But I would suggest they visit some other time as you already have plans for the week end.

SugarPasteZombie · 30/10/2011 08:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

warthog · 30/10/2011 08:22

i would tell her of your plans and that it's too late to cancel them. she is welcome to come but you won't be there half the weekend. would she like to come on another weekend instead?

sounds to me like she has ishoos, which while they seem odd and made-up to you are very real to her.

fedupofnamechanging · 30/10/2011 08:29

It's your house too, so it isn't a case of dp having the final say because she is his sister. If she was staying in his house, then fair enough, but she won't be. She'll be staying in your joint home. I wouldn't allow her to stay and would just say that it isn't convenient that particular weekend. You don't have to explain or justify why.

And have the conversation that SugarPasteZombie suggests - your dp owes it to you to not allow his family to be rude and then take the piss by wanting to stay in your house!

ENormaSnob · 30/10/2011 08:36

Yanbu

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