Was I BU to say "ok, goodnight" to "depressed" ex?

[HullEnzia]

Ex has been an ex for over 4 years now and not even seen him in 4 years as he lives in another city. He contacted me over facebook about 6 months ago and sends the odd message every now and again - usually about how down and depressed he is, how he desperately wants a girlfriend but will never, ever get on because he's such a loser and he's so down about everything blah blah - I was VERY sympathetic at first but this person has ALWAYS been selfish in that he loves to drone on and on about his own problems but if anyone else has problems he doesn't want to know.
Example: him - "hi, how are you?" me - "a bit stressed, how are you?" him - "YOU'RE stressed?? ha what do YOU have to be stressed about!? you have it made!" he's single, good job, lives with parents still so hardly any bills, no ties, free as a bird - I'm a single parent, uni full time, rented house to pay for etc etc but yeah - I've got it made

But as I say, usually I'm sympathetic and listen like a knobhead while he drones on and on. Tonight however I just couldn't be arsed. We ALL have problems for fucks sake.

So he sends me a message saying: "How are you?" I sent one back saying "good ta, hows you?" (lie, I actually have tonsilities and feel shocking but didn't want to get into the "who's worse off competition" again. So he replies "oh really, really bad. Absolutely shit. I hate my job, I have no friends, I'm never going to meet anyone, if I wasn't here nobody would even notice."

I was just about to reply with the usual "there there dear" response and he added "oh forget it, I'm going to bed". At this point I'd normally start up my councelling pitch but tonight I simply said "ok, night".

Feel a tad concious that if he IS that down and did something to himself it would kinda be my fault? but I'm sick of his fucking whining, I really am.

Yurgh

Unfriend

Sharpish.

You were spot on to just say what you said. Like others have said, he's an ex for a reason. Next time he regales you with a sob story just reply "You've just reminded me why I'm so glad we split up!"

I had an ex who used to kill himself down the phone at me regularly, for six years. Without sounding too cruel, you do not want to encourage that sort of shite. Nothing you say will make any difference- eventually you have to hang up the phone (and let yourself off the hook).

My exH used to regularly threaten to kill himself. He once climbed over the balcony of our second floor flat, and I was about to leave him to it as I'd had enough. We were going on holiday the next day, and I told him I'd go without him if he died.

I only called the emergency services because my mum thought I should. Otherwise I'd have walked off, he'd abused me emotionally for so long that I was burned out.

My ex killed himself every other night for a fortnight when I first left him.

He'd ring me up, saying stuff like "I...I...I love you...b...buh...bye" in a pathetic, faint, quavery voice.

So I'd go "Bye then" (not a my most sunny at 3am) and hang up.

Whereupon he'd ring back, bellowing "YOU FUCKING BITCH YOU DON'T CARE AT ALL, DO YOU???!!!" and sounding altogether quite unlike the poor fragile flower that had been dying by inches just minutes before

is your ex my dp?? hmmm? And while my DP is a grumpy, whinging about how bad his life is kinda man, he is my grump, and I love him :) (Before anyone asks why I am with him)

But in all seriousness, like everyone else has says, de-friend/block him. You don't need an ex like that still hanging around

YANBU, he cried wolf saying he was going to bed. Quite right to say "nite then" imo.

By the by, does he have bi-polar? Not that it has any bearing on your reasonableness etc, just struck me when you said he was down/skint then bought the x box?

If you must stay in contact with a whinyarse like this, you could try planning his funeral for him the next time he rings up offering to be dead. 'Oh, you're going to kill yoursel? Well do you want to be buried or cremated? Shall we have the nearest vicar round or do you want someone in particular? And what music do you fancy>'

Tell him that he sounds very negative and has he considered going to the GP or getting counselling? If he needs help this would be a good start. If not, you've made it clear you are not his counsellor.