To feel utter relief as we drove away but utterly ashamed that i was unable to cope with the majority of this week?

[gigglepin]

Just got back from a holiday with my lovely friend, her dh, her dd(4) and ds (9) who has ADDHD, and is undergoing assessment to confirm that he has AS.
Me ds(8) & dh.

The week has been the MOST stressful and eye opening that i have had in a long time...GOD Only knows how they cope day to day.
In my defence, i have no experience of children with this kind of thing, i had some idea of his personality, but this did not prepare me for what was to come.
Im shattered, and feel so sorry for my friends.
We did stuff separately as she suggested that we would need a break and some quiet time (WTF< poor love, it was her that needed a break and quiet time!!)
We took kids off to the park to give them a break, but while we were all together indoors, it was so difficult.

How on earth do people do it, and do it SO well?
Vodka came into the equasion a few times, and lots of soothing chocolate.
Its just so dominating, every decision, everything said and every discussion is carefully thought out with my friends ds in mind.

phew, appologies, i dont want to offend any one, just wanted to talk about it thats all.

The majority of the huge blow outs were when he considered something unjust. he demanded fairness.
He wanted things done his way, when activities were suggested, they had to be what he wanted to do and had to be stuck to-to by the letter.

He made plans of his own, and would not accept no. Did not seem to accept that there were 6 other people to consider and think about.
This i found difficult.
The easy option would have been to bend to him, but it was carefully explained and we all patiently waited for him to come round to the inevitable, that he could not dominate the plans and dictate things. He did eventually, so all was well.
He took himself off to calm down when he was overwhelmed by his feelings and anger. This was a very impressive skill for a boy with significant anger.

He was like a dog with a bone, absolutely would not let go and went on and on and on and on and on about the same thing over and over.

Anything he disagreed with, he would still be talking about it days later, but get this, his arguments were so strong, logical and adult....he is barrister material for definite
Can i say that for him to hug or smile at you, it had to be earned, so when he did these things it was like the sun coming out. It made my heart jump into my throat.

Not sure if i could do it all again, but i feel privalidged to have been with them.

OP, I sure your eyes must've been opened a bit by this time away with your friends and their kid with SN.

Holidays are hard when there's SN about. In everyday life everything has to be thought through and that is routinised to an extent. This goes out of the window during holidays.

My DS is ASD and keeping on top of his requirements can be exhausting. We choose not to go on holiday at all anymore. It is Not A Holiday For Us.

Your friends doesn't (I don't think) wants you to feel sorry for her. Sympathy is pretty useless in her situation. What she would find useful is empathy and some understanding about the limitations of her life at the moment.

And a friendly ear, wine and chocolate is always nice. You sound like a good friend

molepam, I feel the same. My DS is hard work (understatement) but he is also so imaginative and funny and sees the world in such a refreshing, unexpected way sometimes. He makes me sees things differently and I wouldnt change him for anything.

gigglepin, I am not a professional but your friend's little boy does sound very Aspie! The logical, adult arguments for things. The sense of injustice if things arent done now, quickly and exactly how I want them, with no regard to what pther people might think or feel. God, it is very hard! I cannot just say 'because I said so' or 'because I am a grown up' to my DS. He will argue back until the cows come home and it is always frighteningly logical! This morning he used the word 'preposterous' to describe my explanation of why he should wear his coat. Cheeky (but clever) little bugger.

he is not quite 7, btw!

Yes Vodka, Wine - lots of Wine and if it's before the kids' bedtime, there is a stash of strong dark chocolate in the kitchen. During the school holidays, I often end up breaking up a chunk and sharing it with the kids before we take a deep breath and try to pick up the pieces of a rather unpleasant day. (DS1 is 7 and has ASD and ADHD and DS2 (5) has ASD)

And your friend is very brave doing the holiday thing. We haven't done it since DS2 was a tiny baby and we managed 2 nights. The most we ever manage is a couple of nights staying with my parents, these days, and even then we're sometimes tempted to give up and go home before we've even done 24 hours.

This is such a lovely post :) I spend a lot of time with a child with SN and it is exhausting for families, people usually only see a snapshot of their life and it's usually in tesco or somewhere where there is a meltdown going on over a particular toy or something and they look at you like you are a complete idiot because you are trying to use all your coping mechanisms to avoid world war 3 and still get the point across that we will not be buying this toy and they seem to think that the child is just naughty and make sarcastic or rude comments, they have no way of knowing what goes on the other 23 hours and 50 minutes of the day and if they did they wouldn't be so smug. It is great that your friend has someone so understanding that she can be so honest with, even when times are tough, it will make a huge difference to her

mole I think I love you and your fantastically articulate description of your day

OP, you have a friend who trusts you, celebrate that friendship. Cannot imagine ever holidaying with people outside our family, DS is a little stuck in his ASD ways (understatement of the year)

Lovely post OP, my DN has the same as your friend's Ds and I'm the only one out of the immediate family who my DS trusts with looking after him, word for word "I trust you as you know how to handle him" whereas a lot of the other family members dismiss him as a 'naughty child' even the GP's did for years on end! :( I second the bit about how the lovingness makes it all melt away in a sense too, I about cried when he gave me a hug for the 1st time in 6 years :o x

"He is recieving all the support and care from school, family and becuase of this, needs no medication."

To lead a 'semi-normal' life/independance, my DD (now 26) needed medication. It was after one of her friends was killed that i decided on this, as she had no concept of danger. It is ok when they are little to support them, but at 14 it can be a different matter. That is when the 'risk taking' can become fatal and each family has to decide on this, medication is down to a lot of considerations.

My DD was as described on here whilst under 11, but then seemed to settle more, still with 'problems' and no need to sleep.

She now works stupid hours and has turned the not needing to sleep to her advantage (ADHD).

She opted to stay on medication until 19, as she couldn't have taken part in education without it.