To be so sick of all these so called studies telling us how to mother

[boglach]

I didn't co-sleep beyond a few months

I use a forward facing pram

I let my under two watch TV

I weaned both of mine before six months

Apparently this makes me a crap mum and means my kids will grow up with under developed brains. Just so bloody sick of being made to feel guilty

I think the research has it's place. You can't not do research because you might not like the answer.

On the other hand I frigging resent slebs trying to tell me how to parent.

YABU really because guidelines are just that...'guidelines'. You are free to absorb or ignore them.

It does make me laugh though when people stick to them like they're the Holy Bible and judge others who don't

The research is interesting. Research tells us all sorts - it's just hard to swallow when it's so close to the bone.

Why do you feel guilty? If you've think you've done the right thing, then shrug it off and move on. However, if a part of you thinks that maybe you shouldn't have done something then you should address that. You can't blame the research - it says what it says.

Throw the studies out, the kids don't read them anyway :o

You can choose to ignore them.

Just a thought ...

You also have to seperate the research and not just put it all under one umbrella.

Co sleeping for some is a life saver, for others it isn't needed, there babies are more independant.

Television exposure is a different matter, as is nutrition.

Research points to the ideal and i don't see why you wouldn't aim for that. The good thing is that care is becoming more child centered and children aren't seen to be something to fit in around housework, as they once were.

but on the other hand, I'm apparently a nutter mum cause I co slept till 3 ish with two of mine

I'm letting gecko self wean

they all watch too much telly

they have weird nicknames

we playfight

just keep saying guidelines, guidelines, ingest and ignore if you want

YABU - It's research, it's there for a reason and is very useful. If you don't like what they say ignore it and do what works best for your family.

Everyone should follow their instinct and do what they want. They should however inform themselves first.

Often the cause is bad reporting on studies. Journalists love to screw over us mums, we're an easy target.

The worst thing is when other mums get in on the act and also target mums. that sucks mandingo.

Birdsgottafly - The lot that were cared for around chores haven't turned out so bad though have they...?

A mother's place is in the wrong-once you realise that you can relax and ignore!

YANBU: I did all sorts of things that would have people making cats bum faces now; as the 'guidelines' didn't exist last century when I had ds.

As he's 16, bright, happy and healthy, I obviously didn't do too badly.

Parenting seems to be big business now; it's like education, it goes in cycles. Bottom line seems to be to me anyway that as long as you love them and look out for them, make sure they are fed, clothed and hugged, they should be OK.

It's the media's representation of the studies you should be angry at. The studies themselves are really useful - not so the Torygraph et al using them as a stick to whack mothers over the head with.

Yabu really, studies are studies...just cause you disagree doesn't mean they're not valid.

You also just know for every study an equal and opposite study will come along in a few years.

Apart from anything else apart from those that involve biological facts I tend to think of them as pointers in the right direction. Ie: crying is harmful to babies to me just says 'don't ignore your child for prolonged periods', not 'never let your child whimper for a second while you go for a wee'...if you see what I mean. They are meant to be filtered into everyday life.

I did follow weaning guidelines cause they made sense and I saw no reason not to, still BF my 15 month old cause it is easier than the alternative, co-slept for sleep till she got bored of us (but I was told not to by HVs etc), carry her in a sling, use a rearward facing pushchair etc but then equally I didn't really see any research on it it was just what worked for us.

stripeybumpinthenight is right.

Yesterday I read two articles on the same study. The angle one gave was really scary, the other showed a difference but it wasn't serious concern to anyone.

I'm sure if I read the actual study I'd have a different view on the subject again.

Studies are important, but tbh some are poor in quality (they never state that in newspapers), some draw conclusions that when you read the results they say something completely different (the newspapers don't look very closely at studies), so have very specific agendas (newspapers don't report who funds the study and also have their own agendas too) etc etc.

There are good and important studies out there too that make a huge difference to health and care, but there are plenty of examples of bad science and poor reporting.

I also think its very easy to loose sight of the fact that no one is perfect and no child is the same. Sometimes you have to break 'the rules' because you ARE a good mum and take into account other factors that studies don't take even consider or don't have to deal with.

I brought mine up palaeolithically.

Well, it made me happy.

Oh, I don't know. Research has it's place. I'm particularly keen to stick to the advice that a glass of red wine and 70% chocolate is good for women!

On a serious note. I do worry that all this childcare research goes some way, to trigger PND in some new mums.

I co-slept with DD until aged nearly 4

My baby faced me in the pram for the first 9 months.

I gave DD first tastes at 4 months.

I let DD was Mickey Mouse Clubhouse at aged 3months. She was hooked.

And I'll also admit this on MN...I put baby rice in my baby's milk bottle when she was about 5 months, because she wasn't getting filled up on milk. I got shouted at for that by my sister. Bad mother me.

I work in learning disability services and so many studies come out and, personally, I think it's as much about keeping academics in work as it is about how important it is to help people learn at their own pace/offer choices to people/make information readable and accessible/make links with their local communities blablabla. We know! The NHS spends £££££ on studies when they should spend it on actual front line work, or offering choice or actually making information readable etc. Although they do have some good training

I brought mine up palaeolithically

That was kind of my logic too...babies were designed to survive the stone age, so the rich West in the late 20 th century was not the most hazardous environment.