AIBU To be hating Maternity Leave?

[champagnevanity]

My DD is 4 weeks old, and i'm taking a year out of uni to do an internship type thing.

So, its four weeks in to maternity leave, and im going stair crazy, i love looking after my daughter, but I've got nothing at the minute to make me feel proud of myself, plus being worried to death about actually getting a job, being a success in the future.

I'm a worrier and all this free time is forcing me into madness!

AIBU? Feeling like a very bad mother!

YANBU! It's like groundhog day.

YANBU but its a bit early to judge whether you really hate it yet I think, its a big pace change from working or studying. The book usingapseudonym recommends was nice reading here too and helped when I felt 'what the fuck is the point of me apart from keeping this baby alive???'

But you don't have to stay at home to be a good mum, your baby needs you to be true to who you are.

My suggestion is to buy either a sling or the lightest possible pushchair and get out as much as you can. The early stage is brilliant for being able to go wherever you want to - if you like art or sporting events or the cinema (baby screenings saved my brain) or restaurants or whatever then at this age your baby is totally portable and the only thing they want is you so you can satisfy them whilst secretly doing whatever you want. You can go to the pub, you can go on long train journeys or whatever. Try not to sit at home with the baby but take your baby out with you where you want to go. If you are not enjoying baby things don't go to them - go to the drop in workshops at the art gallery and learn to weave or join a political party or volunteer somewhere you can take the baby. I did a lot of volunteering (in short baby-friendly bursts) and it kept my brain from shrivelling.

I am someone who is genuinely shocked I finally resigned from work - the first few months were gruesome but as my baby got more interactive I realised I was having quite a lot of fun.

And if after a few more weeks or months you still don't like it, then you can always go back to work earlier than you planned.

YANBU. Back to work on Monday after 8.5 months ML. Everyone is asking if I am okay about it and I can't wait. I think I appreciate the DDs more when I have a break from them!

YANBU. I'm really, really bad with small children. If I'm home with DS all that happens is that I get into a downward spiral of feeling guilty for being a crap mother and feeling useless because I'm not achieving anything else (DS is a non-napping baby so I laugh hollowly when people talk about newborns sleeping all the time). I went back to work full time when he was 6 months and felt much better.

YANBU - but those early days with a newborn can actually be pretty boring. My DD slept loads when she was little and I had so much time on my hands that I was always trying to find things to do. When she started getting more interactive it completely changed things - they require your whole attention.

It will get better and soon you will be wondering how on earth you are going to get everything done !

Find your local Children's Centre OP and get yourself along there pronto! You will find loads of free groups, advice on courses and getting back into the workplace when you're ready, a listening ear and a warm welcome anytime. And the chance to meet lots of other parents who are no doubt feeling much the same as you are!

Also, even though your DD is really tiny, she's still developing at an incredibly fast rate and is communicating with you all the time. Learning more about reading your babies cues and tuning in more to her development will help you to appreciate her even more (apologies if you know this already!)

Having had three sets of maternity leave I can tell you that although at the time it seemed a bit boring, looking back it was bloody brilliant ! Staying in your jammies till lunchtime, going for coffee, going to the library, reading books.

I'm almost tempted to have another child to get another maternity leave!

YANBU.

I think a lot of people think Maternity Leave is a laugh a minute, when really for so many people it's a massive life change, on top of the massive life change that is becoming a parent.

You're right at the beginning of your adventure and I was in your place 8 months ago. I hated maternity leave and it made me question my role as a mother, if I hated maternity leave did I really hate being a mother?

I''m back at work in 6 days and despite the hard time I had at the start, I think maternity leave had been worth the slog. My DD is happy and enjoying nursery so far. I've kept in close contact with work and friends (using Keeping In Touch days where possible) and I'm really excited about going back to work.

Good luck with your time off and I hope you grow to enjoy it.

YANBU but don't spend this valuable time whilst baby is still sleeping loads watching daytime TV. Soon enough your baby will be more awake. From what I recall I read loads, studied, had friends round, walked loads (with baby sleeping in pram), napped, watched box sets, wrote, spent time in the garden and in parks (it was summer), ate nice food. It was a real holiday until around 3 months when DD started spending more time awake in the day than asleep.

Find me someone who felt really happy and sorted and normal with a 4 week old baby!!

If you're bored and the baby sleeps all day, I'd try to work ahead for your internship or course -- do as much reading as you can now, because you won't have time when you go back most likely.

I also think 4 weeks is very early. I was a bit lost at that stage but a couple months later I absolutely loved ML. I was also on leave from a course and as long as I could keep up with reading I never felt like I wasn't doing anything.

Thank you for all your advice/stories. It's good to hear other peoples experiences. I think the advice to try and do as much work/reading/getting out and about, etc as i can now while she's little, as i have a mountain of uni work that I've not started, and i can imagine it'll only get harder once she's older.

No more this morning, and im going to try to find something productive to be getting on with!

Thanks, you've really helped!

Definitely get the work done while you can. I ran a business during baby naps until DD1 was 1, but then she needed more attention so I sold the company. You need your degree so use this early time wisely.

lucymr hits the nail on the head - everybody, but everybody is at sea at 4 weeks. Just work through it. And then when you have, you'll start to understand in a few months' time whether you're the full-on stay at home mum type or the full on work outside home mum type. In your situation, I'd definitely be researching childcare absolutely right now - you can always pull out later if you realise you're in the first category, but difficult to organise excellent childcare at the last minute. Both types of mothering are perfectly valid. My Mum is wonderful, returned to work when I was small as she couldn't hack the stay-at-home life, and has been an utterly fabulous Mum. On the other hand, I have gone the stay-at-home route when I've felt it's best for all concerned (me included), and my kids don't seem to have done too badly so far either. The key is to always be aware what works for all of you (you included, and to some extent prioritised), and you won't go wrong.