To think my mother could be a bit more interested in the ds's

[mosschops30]

She moans about never seeing the grandchildren, how she misses them etc and wishes she was closer.
Shes been here all week and hasnt read a story, done a bath, changed a nappy, played a game, anything remotely connected.

She has however, been to the hairdressers, bought a new phone which she has played with endlessly whilst asking the same questions over and over as if she has the memory of a goldfish 'now how do i look at call duration again', been searching for a holiday for her and dd (16), reading her texts out loud to me and chatting to various men friends!

If any of this was mentioned she would be horrified because shes bought xmas gifts and birthday gifts and taken me out for lunch. But i would rather do without all that if she just sat on the floor and did a bloody jigsaw or offered to feed ds2. Even tonight once sh had finished her endless texting and holiday searching, i was on the ipad and she said 'arent you going to talk to me' .

im bloody exhausted, she says things like 'i think i'll have a cup of tea now' which is code for 'go and make me one' if you dare say 'you know where the kettle is' she would reply 'oh after all ive spent this week'!

"If any of this was mentioned she would be horrified"
I'd probably still mention it.

Was she a get on the floor and do a jigsaw kind of mother?

No i dont think so, but youd think a woman who spends most of the year telling anyone who will listen how far away she is from her gcs, and how hard it is, and how lucky other people are and how if she was closer she'd be babysitting every week

she spends 98% of her day here unaware of their existence!

Mosschops, I sympathise, my MIL is like this, she loves the idea of grand-children, and loves to tell all her friends how she never sees enough of them, but can't actually cope with the reality. There's also little jigsaw playing and many cups of tea whilst she talks. She wasn't a great mum herself and I guess she hasn't got any better over the years. It is hard.

How about this OP :

"Mum, you've told me how much you miss your grandchildren, living so far from them. But when you're here, you don't seem to feel comfortable spending "close-up" time with them. I'd be happy to step aside and let you do bathtime and bedtime with them - they can be so cute and funny then, I think you'd like it. And it would help you and them to feel closer."

More sympathy / empathy from here .

ILs come over (rarely), talk inanely about people who DH has not seen in 20 years, whilst ignoring the GC in front of them, and then never speak of them / ask about them until the next visit. Ours don't even live far - only 20 miles up the road.

A few months ago, MIL even said she had better come over to 'do her duty' .

Some people are just not that bothered. Its their problem not yours.

YANBU, but unfortunately there's nowt you can do to make your mum interested in your DC's.

My parents are less than 5mins walk from ours, but they haven't been round to see their GC in more than 8m. I refuse to go to their place to see them simply because they can't be bothered, and coming to ours to help maintain a relationship with the GC is too much like effort for them.

Ah well, if they can't be arsed, then they miss out.