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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be upset by some comments re: gender of my baby

42 replies

Pekka · 27/10/2011 19:56

Hi,

we found out yesterday that we are expecting a boy. This is our first child. When we shared the news with friends, surprisingly many offered slightly sexist comments as congratulations. Comments include: "Boys are the best" "Boys are way easier than girls" "It's best to have a son as a firstborn" "You are lucky to have a boy, girls are difficult".

AIBU to be upset by these comments. I want to shove my laptop up their a*¤e, am I overreacting :)

OP posts:

SlinkingOutsideInSocks · 27/10/2011 20:11

X-posted with your most recent post. :)

callmemrs · 27/10/2011 20:13

Lol swearymary

Seriously though- don't sweat it.
I thought your post was going to be the other way round, because many people these days seem to favour a girl - there have been a few threads on the subject.

They are saying positive things- whats the problem?? If it bothers you so much, why are you broadcasting the gender anyway?
I was fixated on wanting a girl with my first (don't know why, just wanted to have a big sister for any following kids) but I never voiced this while pg.

wonderstuff · 27/10/2011 20:14

I don't think anyone is trying to be anything other than nice and I do think that part of the reason you are upset might be because you are pregnant and hormonal. I do see where you are coming from, but in the grand scheme of things it really isn't worth getting upset about.

If I were you I wouldn't share any baby names you might have lined up - people seem to feel the need to pick fault with every name you come up with before the baby comes. After they arrive they are generally very positive.x

littleshinyone · 27/10/2011 20:17

congratulations on your pregnancy!

Yes, I agree, bit of an overly senstitive reaction!! what else would you want them to say?...

and yes, the comparing weight, height, feeding habits, mobility, smiling, pooing habits will wear you down if you can't start smiling and nodding. See this as a trial run!

SlinkingOutsideInSocks · 27/10/2011 20:33

Oh God yes, wonder is right - whatever you do, keep any baby name ideas to yourself!!

But in truth, consider this an intro into how public parenting is - everyone has an opinion on everything, they're never afraid to hare it, and they're always right. Practice your nodding and smiling routine now.

whackamole · 27/10/2011 20:33

YABU. If you were having a girl they would say the opposite.

Original poster

Pekka · 27/10/2011 20:41

Wonder - we have shared the name with a lot of people already, and everyone seems to like it! I know some people will have a bad memory relating to some names, but I think we might have hit the jackpot with "our" name.

I am starting to agree that my reaction to my friends' comments has been unreasonable. I am glad I haven't said anything to anyone in real life. mumsnet is great for stuff like this :)

OP posts:

RantyMcRantpants · 27/10/2011 20:44

Wait untill you have your 3rd boy, some of the comments then were unbelievable

Oh! and I concur, DO NOT INDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES DISCUSS BABY NAMES WITH ANYONE. And yes I did mean to shout. If you must tell them the most ridiculous names you can think of and when you tell them the proper name at birth they will be so relieved that they will only make 'what a lovely name' noises :)

wonderstuff · 27/10/2011 20:52

WOW - must be great name and great friends! Every name I mentioned to people first time was met by a look of horror by someone - maybe my taste ?

Actually, thinking about it, although we told fewer people the reactions to our boys names were all good (dd first, ds second) maybe boys are easier to name as well

RantyMcRantpants · 28/10/2011 00:33

Sorry cross posted with you there Pekka. Glad you had a good reaction with your name choice, as you may gather not all of us have had a good experiance

foreverondiet · 28/10/2011 07:13

They were being nice..... don't take seriously but actually think comments quite odd.

IME (DD is 8, DS1 is 5 and DS2 is 18 months) DD ws much easier as a baby and toddler than her brothers, but little boys more affectionate. But very hard to generalise as all children different!

FWIW when DD was born my arsehold BIL said, "aren't you devastated not to have a DS as a first born" and when DS was born 2.5 years later he said "I bet you are happy now to have a son to continue the family name". at least your friends said nice things.

happenstance · 28/10/2011 08:20

I love the comment i got the other day
"are you going to find out?"
"no"
"Oh but don't you want to be prepared if its another girl",
" i don't really mind what i have"
"oh i know but in an ideal world you want a boy"
Face palm.

stoppingat3 · 28/10/2011 09:19

Congratulations on your boy! I think that people (including myself) like to offer their experiences, Its sort of like you are joininga club that we have been part of so wish to share it with you. If find myself doing that all the time to my sisters who are just starting their families (I have 3 both sexes aged 4-13 - so feel I have a lot to say) [hgrin]

IME Girls are easier as children but a nightmare at the various stages when hormones kick in. Boys are more demanding and on the go all the time - my eldest is like a bloody labrador puppy. Very annoying but loveable!

Good luck and I bet you find yourself offering the same sort of comments in years to come!

stoppingat3 · 28/10/2011 09:21

Oh and after being quite vocal in the desire to have a girl after 2 boys you can imagine the comments I got after she was born!

coraltoes · 28/10/2011 09:22

In my NCT group none of the boys sleep or eat properly and all the girls are superstars. Wuld you rather hear that?! (it is the case in my group btw but obviously that means nothing...a group of 8 does not a sample make)

LatherRinseRepeatAsNeeded · 28/10/2011 09:27

Congratulations on your great news.

Ignore them, as others have said when you get pregnant people suddenly feel the need to over share.

I've had to bite my tongue on more than one occasion when a colleague ercently got pg and announced she was going to have a pain free birth, totally un assisted and then go off and travel the world with newborn for the first 6 months. She may well manage that, but I sure as heck didn't, matching socks and a shower every day was an achievement in the first 6 months :)

Just learn to take everything you hear for the next 18 years with a pinch of salt, people will always know better, and feel nothing with sharing their knowledge with you. Just smile sweetly and thank them (and make a mental note of who to pass the baby to just when he's about to puke or poo )

DeWe · 28/10/2011 10:40

Having got both I can assure you my experience is that your friends are wrong on all statements.

However I bet they'd have said nice things about a girl if you'd said you're having a girl. Probably exactly the same statements but with girl in instead.

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