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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? First AIBU :)

23 replies

carrieuk · 27/10/2011 13:38

Hi,

Sorry first time posting here... need some clarification.

Am i being unreasonable in this instance? MY OH has a son from a previous relationship. We pick him up on a Saturday and take him home Sunday every evening.

The last three weeks i have picked him up on the Saturday looked after him while OH is at some sporting event or work or something else he has to do. This usually involves me looking after him from 11am onwards right up to about 7pm when its usually bed time.

He's just text to say he's going to a sport event sat and what time am i picking Stepson up?

AIBU to think that the weekends is his time to be spending with his son and not for me to be looking after him?... He won't take his son with him to said sport thing because he thinks he wont enjoy it (he's 3 and 1/2)

He's thrown a complete eppy as i've said i wont be picking him up because of the above....

AIBU???

OP posts:
nickelbabe · 27/10/2011 13:38

YANBU
his weekend with his son is for them to spend time together.

belledechocchipcookie · 27/10/2011 13:39

Now, you know you're not being unreasonable. Poor kid Sad I bet he really looks forward to 'spending time with daddy.'

SarahBumBarer · 27/10/2011 13:41

Yanbu about his son.

Yabu to use the word "eppy" Sad

Nixea · 27/10/2011 13:41

Sounds like he's only bothered about contact to "keep up appearances" so to speak. Poor kid. YANBU at all.

SolidGoldVampireBat · 27/10/2011 13:41

No, YANBU at all, this man is using you as an unpaid babysitter, and presumably only insists on 'access' to his poor DS as a way of punishing the boy's mother for having dumped him.
Now you have a clear indication that this man is a selfish prick who thinks women exist to service him, and he would undoubtedly do the same with any DC you have by him.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 27/10/2011 13:41

YANBU, but I'm a bit Hmm about "complete eppy".

Of course your OH should be spending time with his own DS!

RedOnion · 27/10/2011 13:46

YANBU! At all!

Bloody cheek of the man. Why on earth does he bother having access to his son if he doesn't see him? Poor little boy. I'd show the tosser this thread if I was you.

nethunsreject · 27/10/2011 13:46

Yanbu at all.

Poor kid must feel Sad at Dad never bothering his arse to be there with him.

Icelollycraving · 27/10/2011 13:48

Clearly yanbu.
Poor little boy :( Does he spend anytime on Sunday with him?

OnlyWantsOne · 27/10/2011 13:49

Does his mother know that your DP buggers off and leaves the little one with you?

If it's such an inconveinec for him to spend time with his son perhaps the arrangements should be changed

TangerinePuppet · 27/10/2011 13:49

YABVU to use the term 'eppy' OP.

Original poster
carrieuk · 27/10/2011 13:49

I've told him what I think.

He's taking him to a party this weekend now.

I just wanted clarification that i'm not doing the wrong thing, i didnt want someone to turn around and say to me, you're being unreasonable as he should have a break too at the weekend.

OP posts:
Icelollycraving · 27/10/2011 13:49

Ps yabvu to use the term eppy. That will do you no favours on mn!

Balsam · 27/10/2011 13:51

YANBU - once in a while is OK, several weekends in a row is not. He needs to think about how his DS feels.

Glad he's listened to you on this.

Original poster
carrieuk · 27/10/2011 13:51

Yep, got that, sorry about using that term in my OP.

It's just a phrase of turn.

OP posts:
IndigoSunshine · 27/10/2011 13:52

YANBU.

What an ass. I wonder what his DS's mother would have to say about it? Poor boy. It's like he sees you as the babysitter whilst he goes off and does his socialising. Tell him to take responsibility for his child.

Hmm
Original poster
carrieuk · 27/10/2011 13:53

His mother does know.

She text's me and asks what time i'm picking him up not OH, she will often ask me to pick him up in the morning on the saturday and i've always directed her towards OH as its him that needs to confirm not me.

I've also told him that that needs to stop too.

OP posts:
duvetdayplease · 27/10/2011 13:58

YANBU, and I think you do right to stand your ground. Your DP should find a way to fit his child in or change his activities - it is his child's time with his father, not the other way round.

And I don't want to turn the thread into something else but eppy is comparing having a tantrum to having an epileptic fit, so whilst you might think its just a turn of phrase its not a nice turn of phrase to use.

belledechocchipcookie · 27/10/2011 14:02

The only time I've ever really moaned at my ex was when he decided that he was going to drive ds to his mother's house so she could look after him overnight whilst he went to work in a homeless hostel. Hmm Although his intentions were good, his intention towards his son were not. He only had him overnight once a fortnight.

Anniegetyourgun · 27/10/2011 14:02

Present him with the bill. You can't charge official childminder rates unless you're registered, I believe, but the usual babysitting rates round here I believe are £10 an hour. He owes you 80 quid for last weekend then. Plus mileage!

ScaredBear · 27/10/2011 14:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StaceymAloneForver · 27/10/2011 14:18

pff,t tell him you won't be doing it from now on. Occasionally my Xh DP picks up/drops off kids if he can't get here for the right time, or has them a few hours on a saturday if he works but i wouldn't expect him to bugger off while my kids only saw his new woman. think its a bit Hmm the mother thinks this is ok tbh!

moominliz · 27/10/2011 14:31

Does the mother know you have dss all day or does she think you're just picking him up?

My dp has children from a previous relationship and if their mother found out the children were left all day with just me (which they aren't) then I know she would be livid and rightly so.

Does you dss ask for his dad when he's not around?

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