To force my teenage step sister to fess up?

[LittleMilla]

We've got a bloody good relationship, even though she's 16 and I am 30. Mum and step dad went away for a few days and she was home alone for one night (I stayed with her last night). Parents think that she had a friend to stay on Tuesday, but I managed to get out of her that her new boyf stayed over instead.

She's insisted nothing naughty went on (she's a virgin). And having met him yesterday, he seems like a nice lad. Parents haven't yet met him, but know about him.

I've told her that she's got to tell mum otherwise I will. But she's having a massive huffy melt down saying that no harm's been done and I need to stay schtum. But I'm cross and don't like to lie to my mum.

Problem is, I know that I did a million times worse at her age. But want to do the 'right' thing.

Thoughts??

YABVU - for goodness sake, she's 16, if she's a virgin or not, it's none of your business! What's more, she's over the age of consent, so her sex life is none of her parent's business either!

Why do you want to tell that her boyfriend stayed over? What good do you think will come of it? Because what will happen is your StepMum will get all stressed that she needs to have extra talks about contraception (which will make your sister slightly die inside from sheer horror when - and she will - your StepMum makes some reference to her own contraceptive choices, no teenager wants that information or mental image). Then your StepSister will hate you and won't talk to you again about anything personal, her life is just hitting the difficult age of grown up choices, you will no longer be someone who can help her with that.

And possibly your step mum and dad will ban her from seeing the boy, ground her etc, it'll damage the relationship between them.

Just keep your beak out.

No need to tell your parents - if they ask, tell her that you've no idea what happened and that they need to ask her.

I'm willing to bet they did the dirty deed though

Can't honestly believe you're thinking about telling on her, or making her tell. She's 16, you have a good relationship. What could you hope to achieve by this?

It's really none of your business anyway - you 'managed to get it out of her' which sounds like she wasn't initially forthcoming, so you forced a confidence, then are planning to break it?

Not a nice way to treat your DSsis IMO.

Parents left her alone anyway, they trust her to be sensible, why can't you?

What is the basis for your 'bloody good relationship'?
You have no right to 'manage to get out of her' that her bf stayed and then force her to tell. That is really bullying and untrustworthy behaviour.

Tell her you have made a mistake - you were v concerned fro her, but having thought it over, it is not your business, she's 16, and that you are always on hand - and trustworthy - should she wish to discus anything with you.

Do you WANT do upset her relationship with your Mother?? Because I can see no other reason for doing this. And you know what? Your mother may well not thank you for it, either.

Sorry x-posted with your newer post.

OK, x-posted, and see you have decided not to tell.

Well done for taking the feedback on board.

She isn't you, you know, and you can't make it up to your Mum by making her behave better than you did. Your DSis will make her own mistakes, and her own successes, too, the most valuable thing you can do - and it is VERY valuable - is help her make the best decisions for herself, by letting her talk thigs through, think of all the consequences and outcomes and giving her the confidence to have her own mind and not fall prey to peer pressure etc.

If your Mum asks just say you have no idea. You shouldn't have accepted her secret or asked her if you weren't prepared to keep it - you should have warned her whether you would keep her confidence or not.

OK, so a line has been drawn in the sand. I said that she ought to tell mum and if she does, I'll back her up in saying that it's good she's being honest etc. But if she chooses to stay quiet so will I. Explained that she can always confide in me and she knows that I'll keep quiet, but when I think she should tell mum, I'll say so.

I think that had everything with her best friend not happened so recently, it would probably be different. But with her saying very smugly how terribly behaved her mate was and declaring "I'd never lie to mum", I just feel disappointed.

She's a great girl and I love her dearly. I didn't bully anything out of her and feel happy that she'll decide the best thing.

indie wise words about making mistakes. I think that because I royally f*cked up SO many times, I am probably too hard on her. But you're completely right, she needs to find her own path.

Maisie. Having seen the new BF I can certainly see the attraction - he's a rather fit 17 year old! She's clearly got good taste!

Pleased I read the whole thread. It's good that you aren't going to say anything to your mum, she'd never trust you again if you did.

Why would she want to tell her stepmother about her sex-life? and why would you encourage her to?

She's my half sister - same mum, different dad. I wasn't clear in my OP - always get the step/half stuff jumbled up...

If he's fit then she's definitely had her wicked way with him! What 16 year old girl would have her fit boyfriend over and not??!

Sounds like you're doing the right thing - and it's great that she's got an older sister who cares enough to worry about doing the right thing by her.

If people who have them cant tell the diference its no wonder everyone else gets it wrong. Half is a blood relative, step is not. And it totally changes the context of the question.

Leaving aside the step/half issue, it'll be one of these secrets that you two will have over them, and one day she'll cover for you, you can count on it! In later years you're both going to have a good giggle at this