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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish my DP would learn to say no

23 replies

SacreLao · 27/10/2011 01:00

Ok quick background.

Me and DP live together, have 2 children (one with severe SEN) and am currently pregnant.

Kids are on half term at the minute (driving me mad).

Friend asked DP last week if we would watch her 3 children ALL BLOODY DAY while they are off school.

DP being a COMPLETE DOORMAT and not knowing how to say no agreed to this. Wasn't too impressed but fine it's done now.

Now I have just found out that it's not only this week but next week as well as they go to a different school and have 2 weeks off for this term?

That means as well as doing school runs we will have 3 extra children. When our children are at school it's OUR time, now we will have 3 children to occupy all day instead.

I want DP to go back to friend and say no way ain't happening, but apparantly she can't do that, as it's what friends do. No it isn't!

It's what childminders do and they get paid for it.

She just can't say no to people :(

OP posts:
NorfolkBroad · 27/10/2011 01:05

Oh my god you are so NBU! I would be livid about the week when your own kids are at school. At LEAST get her to agree to cancelling that week. I would not eben consider doing this and I am not pregnant!

xxmush1983xx · 27/10/2011 01:06

Can you say no to her instead? Just wondering how the school run will work with the 3 extra kids, can you fit them all in your car? Or are there numerous buggies to push. Or simply, it doesn't fit into your schedule and you have prior commitments!!

Your DP needs to say to the friend that they should have consulted you first and should't have agreed to it without asking

Original poster
SacreLao · 27/10/2011 01:09

I could say no yes but than i'm the bitch arn't I?
Especially when DP agreed to this last week apparantly, now I feel bad that there isn't much notice for her to find something else.

I walk to school and all children are walking age so no a problem there, they are well behaved children and whilst I was a bit annoyed at having them this week I thought 'oh well, we are doing kiddy stuff all week anyway and my children will enjoy the company'

Now it's eating into MY time.

Have warned DP now to even THINK about asking me to be running around after them, it wasn't me that agreed to this.

Now DP is all sulky as I said 'why the hell didn't you speak to me first', the response was 'why do I need to ask your permission'

Arggh it's not about bloody permission, it's common curtosy!

OP posts:
NorfolkBroad · 27/10/2011 01:17

No it isnt about asking permission its about considering your dps feelings and to be fair very few people would relish the chance to look after 3 extra kids when yours arent even there! Seriously say no. Am frankly amazed your friend had the cheek to ask.

Original poster
SacreLao · 27/10/2011 01:27

Not my friend, strictly DP's friend.
I do think it's bloody cheeky however.

Apparantly childcare was too expensive, it is for most working parents but it's part of being a parent. I'm planning on being out as much as possible next week, let DP suffer.

OP posts:
NatashaBee · 27/10/2011 02:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Andrewofgg · 27/10/2011 07:40

Is there a long Greek name for being too nice for your own good?

Original poster
SacreLao · 27/10/2011 17:55

Yes partner works but not during half term (works in a school luckily) and so will be off the same weeks.

Andrew - I may look that up, that is the problem, she is just so nice, I am a complete bitch of my own confession :o

OP posts:
ENormaSnob · 27/10/2011 18:01

Yadnbu at all.

Friend is a cheeky fucker to ask in the first place.

IndieSkies · 27/10/2011 18:07

Bloody hell.
I would be stratospheric.
Take your children to school, then do your own thing and leave your DP to undertake the obligation she accepted. NO-ONE I know leaves 3 children with friends for 2 whole weeks free child care.

DoMeDon · 27/10/2011 18:15

Friends do help each other out and, if she isn't expecting you to look after them too, she should be allowed to decide how she spends her time? Surely you don't need to spend every day she has off together?

I do agree about the common courtesy of P's checking with each other about stuff like this though. She has every right to do it but should've chatted it over before a yes.

Can she not learn to say 'I'd love to but I need to check with P first, I'll let you know later'? It's not saying NO, it's saying 'WAIT'

DoMeDon · 27/10/2011 18:17

Ooooh I read it as one day, one week and one more day the next!! In that case - aarrrggghhhhhhhh

LydiaWickham · 27/10/2011 18:23

So NBU - get your DP to say, sorry, now she's checked with you, you already have some things planned and can't accomodate 3 extra children for the whole holidays, you can do only days A and B and not at all the following week when your DCs are back at school. If DP's friend is really stuck you are happy to ask round a number of childminders you know to see if any have spare place at short notice.

Original poster
SacreLao · 27/10/2011 18:28

domedon I wouldn't mind that, it's 2 bloody weeks!

Mon - Sat, 8am - 6pm, FOR TWO WEEKS!

I don't mind this week as much as like I said my children are home so not really bothering me or stopping me doing anything, next week it will drive me mad.

OP posts:
NorfolkBroad · 27/10/2011 18:33

Bloody hell!!!! I also thought it was just 2 days! Please let me call DPs friend and say no. What a flaming cheek!

Original poster
SacreLao · 27/10/2011 18:57

Lol norfolk

Feel free to tell her she is a cheeky cow.
I am so shocked she asked, DP dosn't see the huge problem however and keeps saying 'it will be fun' Hmm

I have a less enthusiastic attitude to other people's children than DP however but I seriously begrudge giving up my lying on the couch doing nothing time, especially now that I am humongously fat and get exhausted just trying to lug this baby bump to school and back.

It seems to late to back out now as she would be stuck and that's a bit unfair, especially as DP should never have said yes in the first place.

BUT I have told DP if she ever asks again then she is to be told no!
Just praying that DP now has the strength to stick to it as I can see us ending up as regular babysitters for her.

Her sister used to do all holiday care for her but has now moved away you see, but by the next school holiday we will have a newborn and there is NO WAY I am having anyone else's children at the same time.

OP posts:
TadlowDogIncident · 27/10/2011 19:01

YANBU, and she's being really cheeky, but I can see that now that your DP's said yes it's a bit tricky to back out of it. So I think you should tell your DP that you need your lying on the couch time, and it's up to her to entertain the three children - not your problem as you weren't consulted. Then hide in your room with DVDs / MN and don't even think about lifting a finger.

NorfolkBroad · 27/10/2011 19:05

"it will be fun"!!!!!!! Hee hee! Mind you your DP sounds like a very nice person...not that you don't, you sound more like me! However, you are pregnant (congratulations!) and probably knackered. My DP is hilarious when we have other people's kids over, she IS kind and lovely but she is extremely intolerant to excessive noise or rudeness so one misdemeanour and she comes over all "Nigerian parent"! I'm not being rude, she is Nigerian and loves to regail our dd with shocking stories about her African upbringing! Actually it is she who has taught me to say no, I used to commit myself to all sorts of ridiculous things!

ChaoticAngelofSamhain · 27/10/2011 19:07

YANBU As your DP has agreed to look after them it's up to her to do just that. You get to do nothing other than rest and mn all day if that's what you want to do. It might help your DP to say no in future if she has to look after 3 DC all by herself for a week.

Original poster
SacreLao · 27/10/2011 19:23

My DP is lovely, one of those 'see's the good in everything' people who likes to help where she can.

She just dosn't quite get that some people take the piss and that sometimes there is no bloody silver lining.

I am way too cynical and miserable, would try blaming pregnancy hormones except i'm always like this :o

Oh well it's done now anyway so let's see how it goes.

To be fair they have been very well behaved this week whilst they have been here and DP is doing most of the care, although I have had to take DS out lots of times as he wants to kill the intruders other children.

OP posts:
LydiaWickham · 27/10/2011 20:29

Can you be cheeky back, could piss taking mum take 1 precious day off work to look after all the DCs, including yours, so you and DP can have a nice day together before the next DC arrives?

levantine · 27/10/2011 20:34

So your DP will be there too?

The best you can do I think is just opt out when you feel like it - go and do some nice things for yourself, try to get some rest etc

I would be pissed off too, it was kind of your DP to say yes, but not actually that kind of her not to consult her pregnant partner. I'd say that was pretty thoughtless actually

levantine · 27/10/2011 20:34

Oh yes, DEFINITELY ensure that the favour is returned

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