To hate my fil

[iambach]

My fil is a total control freak. We have a 'difficult' relationship given i can't be controlled!

My ds(7) is not his biological grandchild and so hardly sees him as he is often at his dads when we see them, just the way it works out.

So they are visiting us at the moment, staying nearby. We were all over at their place having tea, all 3 kids having a carry on around the table. Next thing i hear my FIL saying to my son, 'do you want to stay here?, do you want to apologise?' In a really stern voice whilst staring hard at my ds. Ds looking confused at the question says 'em yes' fil says 'well apologise' ds says 'er i just did' (because he clearly thinks saying yes was apologising) and i can feel my ds squirming. He then says 'sorry' but in a 'im guessing this is what i have to say, not sure what i did wrong sort of way'.

It would seem he was repeating what my fil said, in a mocking way, as kids do, they do it to me, it is irritating. BUT given they hardly see him and they don't really have a great bond with him, i felt he was completely ott. I wanted to scoop my ds up and take him home. FIL finished off by saying 'one thing i cant stand is 'dumb ignorance'.

One thing i cant stand-him.

He was all jokey and full of fun with them, encouraging them to say 'right away' instead of please etc and then turns on ds when he was in his head just continuing with the fun.

AIBU feeling really uncomfortable with this??? I dont condone my DC's being rude but this was completely inconsistent.

[MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll]

I am not going to say your FIL sounds nice...he doesn't. But a 7 year old knows an apology...and he sounds like her was cheeky.

[whatacrapstressfulday]

Sounds like my FIL and the way he treats our eldest who is not his biological grandchild, I cannot stand him either, you have my sympathy.

[AgentZigzag]

I love your proof of God bach

Can you understand just a little bit why your DH might not be willing to take on his FIL?

This isn't excusing him because ultimately he's responsible for his own behaviour, but I can imagine how he might have been conditioned by his dad to fall into line over the years, breaking down any resistance he might have had at some point (rightly so to a point).

It's a little easier for you because you only see the dad as another adult would, but to your DH, it could time warp him back to when he was 7 and under his fathers control and therefore powerless?

I'm massively reading between the lines on that But I've seen it in other people, and myself, and it can explain some of the diffculties of standing up to your parents.

[fedupofnamechanging]

I think there are some things worth falling out over and an adult being a mean arsehole to a child is one of them!

Your ds looks to you to defend him and do right by him. That means not letting your bully of a fil speak to him like shit. If my 4 year old had been asked to ask 'grandpa' directly for something to eat and then 'grandpa' said no, I would over rule him and say 'of course you can have something to eat, sweetheart' and would go and get something for my child. If fil objected, I would up and leave, taking the kids with me. But you've let this pass and now your child is 7 and has had 3 more years of this crap.

Someone can only bully you if you let them, and I think you are letting this wanker get away with being a bully.

You should have intervened today and let the chips fall where they will. You owe it to your child to protect him. You've married into this family - your child didn't choose it, so put him first, whatever the fallout.