To expect MIL to at least be civil.

[loopsylou]

Ok, so won't bore you with the all details of our relationship, but basically, over the course of the past year MIL has told DD that she will most probably end up working in ASDA and nothing better because she's not very bright (she's effing dyslexic!) , told me she'd look after DD so I could go out for an evening then called to say she was 'too tired' literally 15 minutes before I left (had reserved tables at restaurant and booked cinema tickets already!) And Has accused me of being an alcoholic and told entire husbands side of family that I was out of control and an unfit mother. So FINALLY, 2 months ago, I told her enough was enough and gave her a piece of my mind. So she refuses to come over to ours any more and won't see her grand daughter unless DH takes her down. So i outright refused to let her see DD. Now I've just recieved a very angry phone call from FIL, accusing me of bullying MIL, and saying I've been trying to seperate them from their son and grand daughter ever since I'd met them. AIBU to just want to tell them to P**s off and not allow them to see DD at all?

It's so sad to hear that she has lost so much confidence, and in something so important. My brother is dyslexic, and didn't really find his way in school until about 14 or so, but graduated in mainstream education, went to university and works in insurance, earning megabucks. He even reads for interest (if not for pure pleasure).

The process of getting him to have that confidence was one of years, but very much came from home: support and boundaries. (Although it was probably hampered by our parents' divorce - see? emotional issues are powerful!)

Putting boundaries on this horrible woman's behaviour - even if only one parent is doing that - could be enough to help your DD regain the confidence she needs to win through this.

Go to dyslexia.com/famous, print, shove under MIL's nose and tell her to piss off and belittle someone who doesn't have the gift of dyslexia. To be an abstract thinker, and to have determination and the strength to work 10 x harder than peers to achieve the same results.
When she is willing to recognise how amazing your DD is she's worthy of a relationship with her.

Your dh's response to all this is atrocious!

Grrrr, MIL's. Mine does NOT see my DC any more after she attacked my DM at DD1's 5th birthday party. My DD's luckily did not see the attack, but saw the aftermath and we deeply upset. This way in May and she is still to apologise. She is a bitter, twisted, vile woman and I will not have her influence in her life. I always said I would never do it, and I was probably being unreasonable, but the attack was just the tip of the iceberg and I gave DP and ultimatum, her or me and the kids. We are still together. And DP's DB also hasn't spoke to her in years. Don't think it's me being unreasonable then, she's the only common element in it all!! She needs told, and I'm sorry so does your DH. My DP wouldn't stand up to her but when he realised I couldn't take her in my life anymore and that I was willing to split up with him to get her out my life, he pretty sharply did something about it. Good luck x

Yes, I would. I strongly believe in maintaining family relationships even tenuous ones. In this situation, the whole family would visit for no more than 2 hours every 2 to 3 months or so. If DH wants to see his parents more often, he can do so. If DD wants to go along, that's fine, but I would rather be there at the same time.

If in the future, the kids want to see their grandparents less, that's fine, too.

I am no doormat but I have a strong belief in family. They are not perfect and some will undermine you or dislike you but I don't have to spend alot of time with them. A few times a year isn't going to kill me.

Oh, yeah, OP, cos it would be DREADFUL to work in Asda, right? Must let my friend who does that for a job know.

Your MIL DOES sound poisonous. But so do you, to me.

Forgot to add that I expect the same from my DH about my family. Seeing them a few times a year isn't going to kill him or my kids.

I don't know, Cathy, you sound pretty poisonous to me...

Er, Cathy, I think your beef is with the MIL here. The MIL is the one who said "working in ASDA and nothing better because you're not very bright". That's the judgement call, right there. Or you could skip along merrily missing the point, up to you.

OP, I am appalled that your MIL is insulting your daughter, and calling you an unfit, alcoholic mother, and your partner thinks you should be apologising to her. I say ignore your MIL, and have a very, very serious chat with your husband, because that's disloyal, awful crap.

Cathy, I have no problem with people who work in ASDA. Many people are struggling in this day and age, and are having to find work where they can. That's just circumstances right? And I know some amazingly clever people who work in sainsburys and and tesco, so I am NOT suggesting that if you work in a supermarket, you're thick. My MIL is. All I'm saying is that I can think of no one who goes in to life thinking, you know what, my great life's ambition is to work in a supermarket. :L

My ex boyfriend was dysexic. He went on to work in the city and last time I bumped into him he had a feckin great house in Surrey and was jetting all over the world on business trips. Please reassure her that she can be anything she wants to be.

Thanks Balloon Twister XD

I would text back and say 'are you aware MIL's negative attitude has seriously undermined DD's confidence. MIL has dug her own grave by making false accusations about me but we can slowly move forward once she has appologised to me and promised to build DD up instead of knocking her down'.

List of people diagnosed with dyslexia

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

The following is a list of notable people who have been diagnosed with dyslexia, or who it is commonly believed suffered from dyslexia.
Hans Christian Andersen, Danish writer[1]
Louise Arnold, English author[2]
Michael "Atters" Attree, English satirist writer and comedian[3]
Abhishek Bachchan, Bollywood actor[4]
Michael Bennet, United States Senator from Colorado[5]
Orlando Bloom, actor[6]
Roberto Bolaño, Chilean novelist and poet[7]
Jeremy Bonderman, baseball player[8]
Richard Branson, entrepreneur[9]
Marcus Brigstocke, English comedian and satirist[10][11]
Erin Brockovich, legal clerk[12]
LeVar Burton, American actor[13]
Octavia Butler, science fiction author[14]
Stephen J. Cannell, creator of shows such as The A-Team[15]
Charles "Pete" Conrad, Jr., astronaut and third man to walk on the moon[16]
Carl XVI Gustaf, king of Sweden[17]
Dave Chalk, Canadian broadcaster and technology journalist[18]
John Chambers, CEO of Cisco[19]
Cher, singer and actress, and Chaz Bono (formerly known as Chastity)[20]
Jason Conley, American basketball player[21]
Anderson Cooper, American journalist[22]
Tom Cruise, actor[23]
Leonardo da Vinci, Italian inventor, artist[24]
John de Lancie, actor[25]
Samuel R. Delany, science fiction author and literary critic[26]
Patrick Dempsey, actor[27]
Michael Dudikoff, actor[15]
Thomas Edison, American inventor, scientist[24]
Albert Einstein, German theoretical physicist, philosopher and author[28]
Alexander Faludy, youngest Cambridge undergraduate for 200 years[29]
Trevor Ferrell, advocate for the homeless[30]
Steve Fielding, Australian politician[31]
Fannie Flagg, comedienne and author[32]
Richard Ford, author[33]
Noel Gallagher, musician[34]
Whoopi Goldberg, American actress, comedienne, TV personality[24]
Terry Goodkind, an American writer[35]
Mike Gravel, former United States Senator from Alaska[36]
Susan Hampshire, actress[37]
Salma Hayek, actress[38]
John Hickenlooper, American politician[39]
Jack Horner, paleontologist[40]
Anthony Hopkins, actor[41]
John Irving, novelist[42]
Bruce Jenner, athlete[43]
Ingvar Kamprad, industrialist, founder of IKEA[44]
Dean Kamen, inventor, Segway human transport, Luke arm, FIRST Lego League[45]
Paul Kanjorski, Member of the U.S. House of Representatives from Pennsylvania[46]
Cath Kidston, designer and businesswoman[47]
Mollie King, singer and songwriter[48]
Keira Knightley, actress[49]
Willem Johan Kolff, physician[50]
J. F. Lawton, writer, producer and director[51]
John Lennon, musician, songwriter[52]
Jay Leno, talk show host and comedian[53]
Kenny Logan, rugby player[54]
Dan Malloy, Governor-Elect of Connecticut[55][56]
Mireille Mathieu, French Chanson, singer[57]
Kendrick Meek, US Representative from Florida[58]
Mika singer-songwriter[59]
Alyssa Milano, American actress[60][61]
Dorrit Moussaieff, First Lady of Iceland[62]
Shlomo Moussaieff, jewelry businessman and Bible expert[62]
Don Mullan, Irish author, producer and humanitarian[63][64]
Jaime Murray, English actress[65]
Paul Oakenfold, a record producer and trance DJ[66]
Olav V of Norway, reign 1957?1991[67]
Jamie Oliver, chef and television host[68]
Paul Orfalea, founder of FedEx Kinko's[69]
Ozzy Osbourne, musician[70]
Diamond Dallas Page (Page Falkinburg), professional wrestler, actor and author[71]
Theo Paphitis, businessman, panelist on Dragons' Den[72]
Pablo Picasso, Spanish artist, sculptor[24]
Ferdinand Piech, Austrian business magnate [73]
Scott Quinnell, rugby player[74]
Daniel Powter, singer and songwriter[75]
Keanu Reeves, actor[76]
Iwan Rheon, Welsh actor and singer/songwriter.[77]
Guy Ritchie, film director[78]
Richard Rogers, architect[79]
Lee Ryan, singer and songwriter[80]
Rex Ryan, head coach, New York Jets[81]
Bryan Singer, film director[82]
Charles Schwab, founder of U.S. brokerage firm[83]
Jo Self, artist[84]
John Skoyles, neuroscientist and evolutionary psychologist[85]
Jackie Stewart, racing driver[86]
Joss Stone, singer[87]
Helen B. Taussig cardiologist[88]
Bella Thorne, American actress[89]
Kara Tointon, English actress[90]
Butch Walker, singer and record producer[91]
Lindsay Wagner, actress[92]
Ben Way, entrepreneur[93]
Bob Weir, guitarist[94]
Henry Winkler, actor, spokesman for the Dyslexia Foundation[95]
Benjamin Zephaniah, poet[96]

XD Thanks for the list. I printed it off and slipped it under PIL's door with a note explaining exactly why they were not to see DD until MIL has apologised. :o

Loopsy, I'd like you please to tell your DD that despite being dyslexic my cousin left a Russell Group University a couple of years ago with a first class honours BSc. Tell her that dyslexic does NOT mean stupid, poor little love.

And I'd like you please to tell your MIL to piss off! Horrid woman!

Well done Loopsy!

Chances are you'll get a nice respite then.

Personally I'd think about insisting that that apology is real - no excuses, no "I'm sorry if you were upset but I meant well, now forget about it and give me what I want" rubbish.

A true apology says "I did this, it was wrong, I am really sorry, I will not do it again - but I understand that you can't trust me straight away".

Make sure the visits are at your house with you and dh present all the time.

TBH OP, you chould just let you MIL get on with spouting her rubbish about your DD and you. Eventually your DD will see your MIL's true colours and see her for who she really is, a horrible woman with nothing better to do than find fault and put people down.

You don't need people like that in your life and all you could tell your DD to watch and listen to what her gran says about her, you and others to see the kind of person she is.

As for spouting about you being an unfit mother and an alcoholic, well, has she called SS about you?

OP YANBU. Kids with dyslexia often suffer from low self esteem without having themselves further undermined by a family member who should be encouraging and supporting them. Yes, your PIL apparently don't like you, and are now transferring this onto your DD. It is your DH problem because its his mother, his wife and his DD.

Do not engage any further with her. Tell your DH if he wants it resolved to speak some sense into his parents.

Tell your daughter she can be anything. I am dyslexic and I have 2 degrees and a rather nice teaching job. Honestly, Dyslexia makes you work harder but the rewards, when you get what you aim for.... well the feeling is brilliant!

Your PIL are poison, OP, but you've dealt with them very well.

But what are you going to do with your DH?
"DH is just saying it's nothing to do with him ... In regards to how MIL treated DD he said, and I quote; "well she's allways been a bit OTT, best just to ignore it and let her be!?!?!?!?!?!" ... He's very close to his mother "
I would have to have WORDS with him about this.

I would get my dh to lay down the law and make his support for you clear. DH needs to grow some and get you and apology!