To send XP & his family school photo despite no contact and court proceedings

[fallenninja]

Sounds simple ... but

XP (father of oldest DS) is a prize twat. He has had no contact with DS since last year. DS does not want contact. Supported contact failed. Supervised contact failed. Counselling failed. XP refused to do indirect contact. Currently waiting for review of CAFCASS involvement before anything further is tried.

Understandably relations between the 2 families have got more and more hostile. No communication has taken place now for 6 months. All communication was done by Social Worker who is now no longer involved.

Every year (to date) I buy and send a copy of DS school photo to XP. However every other year whilst we might have had contact difficulties he has at least been having contact with DS. He obviously isnt now.

I feel that I should be the bigger person, despite the way he currently responds to anything I do, and send the photo. However its been suggested this might be making matters worse.

So AIBU to send the photo or is it more unreasonable not to?

I would do so TBH because as you say - it is time to be the bigger person.

However a covering note explaining (in better wording) that you aren't sending it to gloat over your contact and his lack of it woudl perhaps be a good idea.

I can't come up with any clever wording (sorry).

If he wants a copy he can buy one himself surely.

if you have sent it every year so far then continuing to do so isn't.... what's the word? gloatey? ??like it would be if it was something you did out of the blue IYKWIM

I would probably leave well alone. Let any contact come from them now.

Why not build a memory/lifestory box?

You don't know what will happen in the future and you can show your DS that you did value the relationship that he could have had with his dad. It is always there, if dad gets in touch.

You may trigger your DS being let down as you initiated contact, if your ex really wants it, he should now show willing.

Is the picture from a company that lets you look at the picture and buy online? If so, i would email him the login details. If not, I would buy an extra copy of the picture and then offer it to him when he finally gets his head out of his arse.

Unmm a difficult one!
I understand totally that u want to be the bigger person.... It's how I operate too but in this instance I would not send the photo. If he was interested in his child he would be in contact....I would leave him to sort himself out tbh

Don't send it.

Ha yes you can do it online, never noticed that before idiot. I will email him the info and he can do what he wants with it. I am sure it will end up being the wrong thing, but it would be whatever I did

If your ds doesn't want contact then I wouldn't send photos.

I think leave well alone. Your XP is missing out on a hell of a lot more than a photo so it is very small fry really and what matters most is your relationship with your son.

I mean your XP is missing out thru his own actions eg. refusing indirect contact btw, am not blaming you.

What mummytime said..