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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Help! Should I get rid of "my" cat?

24 replies

TotallyKerplunked · 26/10/2011 17:54

Help me make this decision.

I've got 5 cats, 4 are my housecats (2 persians, 2 moggies) and 1 is a typical indoor/outdoor moggie that belongs to my brother.

My brothers moggie I agreed to look after when he had to move back in with parents for a while, that was 2 years ago, he has made no attempt to sort his life out and have her back or even pay me a penny for her upkeep, hes disinterested in his cat but forbade me to get rid of her.

I dont want to look after her anymore, she regularly brings home fleas, yesterday it was a tick, often she is dirty and has clearly been fighting, she is often unpleasant to my cats when indoors and sometimes attacks them (but loves the house humans). I've tried to train her to be an indoor cat but she wont have it, my old persian is allergic to fleas and i've got an 8 week old baby, I dont want her bringing in whatever with my baby here.

I've tried to rehome her with family/friends (parents dont "do" pets so thats a no) and offered to pay for everything for a while but got no where.

She is only 3 years old and would make someone a lovely pet, DH wants to keep her in case the sanctuary put her to sleep as they have so many to re-home, DM has insisted I get rid of her and is coming tomorrow to take her to a sanctuary, I dont know whether to let her or whether my DH is right, what do I do?

OP posts:

DooinMeCleanin · 26/10/2011 17:57

Your baby cannot fleas. Unless you have given birth to a kitten?

Get a bit more vigilant with the Advocate and problem solved. Invest in some Feliway for the attitude problem.

I'm with your DH on this one.

PrimaBallerina · 26/10/2011 17:58

Is your brother still living with your mum?

Take the cat round and let them fight it out. You've done your bit for him.

HeresTheScaryThingBooyhoo · 26/10/2011 18:00

treat the cat for fleas!!

Trish1200 · 26/10/2011 18:01

Please keep her, poor kitty. Have you tried frontline for the fleas, it is very effective.

grovel · 26/10/2011 18:04

Let DM take the cat away. It's not as if cats like people.

ShriekingLisa · 26/10/2011 18:05

Errm its YOUR brothers cat who is living at home, its tough if your parents dont 'do' pets, its his problem, drop the car at your parents and tell them to tell him to either find a home for him and his cat or rehome the cat himself.

I used to like cats - well the cat my dad had at his house that i saw every 2 weeks as a child, she was a very timid cat but i was allergic to her and for that reason i hate cats. nothing but hairy stinky things.

RedHelenB · 26/10/2011 18:08

If dh wants to keep her why not (do treat the fleas though) but make it clear to your brother that it is now your cat. If he wants her he needs to come & get her immediately.

DooinMeCleanin · 26/10/2011 18:10

Have you rang the 'sancutary' btw? You might find they turn your DM away anyhow. Most rescues are extremely short on space, you can't just rock up on their doorstep and expect them to be able to sort out your problem for you.

Fiendishlie · 26/10/2011 18:17

I'll have her. Poor thing :o

Original poster

TotallyKerplunked · 26/10/2011 18:19

I've treated all the cats for fleas several times, all now also wear flea collars but she somehow keeps losing hers, it does my nut in. I'm also worried about other diseases she might bring in and infect the other cats or scratch DS, she scratched me last year when I split up a fight and I ended up on antobiotics.

I've asked bro to do something but the reply is usually a grunt, cant drop her off at parents as DSF absolutely hates cats and would probably kill it on the spot, he has a garden full of anti cat devices.

If I didn't have baby i'd keep her and carry on trying to keep the peace when she is indoors as she is so loving to us and i'm a sucker.

OP posts:

nightowlmostly · 26/10/2011 18:20

Our cats are treated every six months with the 'Program' injection, they really don't have fleas and they are out all the time. If that is the main problem that is bothering you it is fixable.

If it is the other behavioural issues then that is trickier. Does the cat have her own space in the house? Maybe she is hostile to the others because she lacks a territorial space of her own, especially if she was last in to the house.

If your DH doesn't want to get rid, maybe tell your brother that the cat now belongs to you as RedHelenB suggests, try the flea treatment and see how you get on. If you are really at the end of your tether then I still don't think taking her to a shelter is the way to go. Is there a board in your local supermarket that you could put up an advert for her to go free to a good home? Or even try using facebook or something to find someone willing to take her. If she loves the humans in your household she sounds like an affectionate animal, surely someone will want her.

Good luck, I know it must be difficult.

HeresTheScaryThingBooyhoo · 26/10/2011 18:23

several times??

flea treatment isn't a random thing you do. you have to apply it every 4/6 months depending on the brand. .

DooinMeCleanin · 26/10/2011 18:24

Flea collars are shite, as are over the counter products. Advocate/Advantix etc are the best atm. You need to see your vet to get them and they need to be applied monthly, without fail.

Feliway might help calm her in the house.

If she is regularly flea'd wormed and her vaccinations are upto date then it is highly unlikely she will bring any infections into the house. Even if she is not it is highly unlikely any infection could be transferred to human babies.

Please do ensure she is vaccinated, wormed and flea'd. I have a dg who is allergic to fleas so he is treated monthly. I use a reminder alarm on my phone which goes off on the day he is to be treated. I do the same for worm tablets. The vets send me reminders for vax.

MonstrouslyNarkyPuffin · 26/10/2011 18:32

Strong frontline/spot on type stuff from the vets. Gets put on the back of the neck once a month. Makes cats toxic to fleas and ticks - ticks may latch on but die as soon as they try to feed.

As for the future, contact a rescue place and get them to take her details whilst you keep her at your home. She's 3, housetrained and likes people. Hopefully they'll find somewhere for her, but if they probably won't have the space to take her in because of all the fuckwits who don't neuter their cats.

DogsBeastFiend · 26/10/2011 18:33

Get the poor bloody cat into a NO KILL rescue ASAP and allow them to find her someone who will love her, care for her responsibly and who actually WANTS her.

ZombiePlan · 26/10/2011 18:36

This cat is clearly not fitting into your household - it attacks your own pets (and even you on one occasion), it regularly brings home fleas and it is costing you money that your brother appears to not feel the need to reimburse. Plus you are stressed about how it will act towards the baby. You have already been very very accomodating to your brother and his cat. If you don't want the cat in the house anymore, you are not obliged to keep it. You clearly want to ensure it goes to a good home, which I think is fair enough.

I think I would give your brother a set amount of time to sort out an alternative (maybe he has friends who would keep it for him?) otherwise you will either take it to a rescue place (I think there are some with a declared no kill policy - some of the posters in the pets' section might be able to help you find one, as there are a couple who do a lot of animal rescue work) or bring it round to your parents' house and leave it with him for him to sort out.

I do think your mum should butt out though - it's not up to her to "insist" that she will give the cat away.

DogsBeastFiend · 26/10/2011 18:49

"I think I would give your brother a set amount of time to sort out an alternative (maybe he has friends who would keep it for him?)" An unsuitable, irresponsible solution - what happens to the cat when THEY don't want her, for a start?

"... otherwise you will either take it to a rescue place (I think there are some with a declared no kill policy - some of the posters in the pets' section might be able to help you find one, as there are a couple who do a lot of animal rescue work)" Yes, I'm one of them. I rescue and rehome cats here, I secure rescue places for dogs and have a TOTALLY no kill policy, as do those I work alongside.

hiddenhome · 26/10/2011 19:26

Your brother is not paying for the cat. It is therefore your cat now and you are free to do with her whatever you feel is best. If you really feel that you can't keep her then you need to find a rehoming centre, but don't tell them that the cat belongs to your brother otherwise they'll probably refuse to take her.

suzi2 · 26/10/2011 21:33

PMSL, "brings home fleas" sounds like she's some sort of slag.

All of the things you mention can be solved with the right products, treatment and advice. But it sounds to me as if you have a general dislike to her so she's probably better off rehomed. Many centres are no-kill (I've replied to you on the litter tray) and offering to support her upkeep might help. However many are more stuck for space than anything. If you could offer to keep hold of her until they can take her, or find her a home, then that might help. But they'd probably want all her treatments up to date so she goes to a new home in a nice condition.

Sandalwood · 26/10/2011 21:39

What are these 'other diseases' you're worrying she might bring in?
It sounds like you're scared of the outdoors.

mummymccar · 26/10/2011 21:46

All of the things you mention can be solved with the right products, treatment and advice. But it sounds to me as if you have a general dislike to her so she's probably better off rehomed.
Completely agree - sounds as though you don't want her in your home and are just looking for an excuse to get rid to be honest.

Original poster

TotallyKerplunked · 26/10/2011 22:17

Please dont misunderstand me I dont dislike her! Shes a sweetie. I've taken care of her for 2 years, regular flea treatments (yes frontline and collars), jabs, worming, neutering (which bro didn't do or contribute to btw), you know like a responsible pet owner, i've turned my house upside down trying to cater for all the cats differing needs giving them there own sleeping/feeding space but she wants to be boss cat and bullys the others even after everything i've tried, if in she sleeps on my head FFS.

I've just reached the end of what I can cope with, i've been in/out hospital for 2 months with pregnancy problems now with an 8 week old i've got her still being angry and aggressive with the others (around DS, he has been "run over" by warring cats) and now i've got a flea infestation, a hairless persian who has reacted to the fleas and costs for extra medication plus random trips to the vets.

My 2 existing moggies were rescue cats so i'm not a heartless bitch

OP posts:

soaccidentprone · 26/10/2011 22:49

Have you tried Feliway?

skybluepearl · 26/10/2011 23:13

I'm always getting bitten by feas. Love cats but in your situation (new baby and in need of a stress free life) would get rid. Brother has had two years to sort things out. I think you need to tell brother that on xx date you are taking cat to sancturary unless you collect cat before hand. It is really his responsibility to sort the cat out and you should give the responsibility back to him.

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