to send dd to party if I haven't RSVP'd

[Increasinglydesperate]

Obviously I am on the face of it. I'm right behind those people who complain when invitees turn up expecting party bag etc when they haven't bothered to reply. But I'm in a pickle over this...

DD (11) has just finished her first half term at secondary school. Last week she received a party invitation from someone she has got to know slightly, who went to a different primary school, mixes with a different crowd etc. Good, I thought, she's making new friends. Unfortunately DD managed to leave the invite in her locker until Friday so we didn't get to check it against the calendar (we're pretty busy that weekend) but the timings were fine and she could go. She had of course missed four days' worth of opportunity to RSVP in person to the party girl.

Now it's half term and we have been ringing the number provided at least five times every day. Nobody ever answers. Tomorrow is the 'deadline' stated on the invitation. I am worried they may have written the phone number down wrong by mistake. Unfortunately the telephone directory has turned up a blank, as has Facebook, and asking around dd's friends (none of whom have been invited).

I don't know what the protocol is in this situation. The party is this Saturday in the local Guide Hut (so presumably parents have not had to pay-by-numbers). Would it cause less offence to turn up without having RSVP'd ('cheeky mare') or not turn up at all ('couldn't give a toss')?

I have told dd she ought to go, and try to explain/apologise on the door if possible. Obviously she ought to have replied last week while still at school so feel the fault is still with us. She says she ought not to go. AIBU?

WWYD?

i'd turn up and say 'oh i tried to call but couldnt get through' whats the worst they can do, they won't turn her away. DD's party is on sat and 2 people haven't replied, i have catered for them anyway and will be if they turn up for dd

You have tried lots, I would send her and explain the situation.

I think you're right, she should go but apologise/explain when she gets there. I'm sure it'll be fine, and hopefully will teach her to be more prompt with RSVPing in future to avoid similar awkwardness :)

Its likely they will be there early setting up so go and explain /ask then and offer to help!

I would send her and explain that you tried to call, but there was no answer. As long as your dd wants to go, of course. It sounds like extras won't be a problem.

Please tell me 11 year olds don't have party bags - my oldest is only 7 and I'm sick of the sight of them. I don't think I could cope with a further four or more years of them.

I think she should go too - you've tried really hard to phone, they're not answering, what else can you do? Unless there is an address on the invitation as well, in which case can you drop a note in through the door?

These party threads have all firmly convinced me that whenever DS starts school, I will be making certain that there is a full list of contact details for every parent in his class available to every other parent! I know it's not applicable in your case here, but it's just a mental nudge for me.

Thzumba we have awesome class reps in our reception class who put a form in bookbags for each parent to fill in contact details, made an excel spreadsheet and circulated it :) absolutely brilliant

If I have to, I will be that person, Stacey - I'm getting hives just thinking about it already and he's not due to go to school for another 16 months!!

I think it's just fine to go, given what you have said. I'd go with her and explain adult to adult that you tried to contact them but couldn't.

Thank you all for your replies. I was pretty sure turning up was the right strategy but nervous about it!

AurraSing - I hate party bags too, never sure what to put in the flipping things that won't either rot their teeth or get thrown away. I'm hoping they get phased out after age 10

Just are thought but are you sure your DD is not being set-up here?
Odd the number just rings, odd no-one else she knows had been invited, even a bit odd having village-hall type party at age 11 - is it some sort of disco? am picturing balloons and party games for tots.
Is the hall near enough to do a reccie half an hour or so before its due to start, then if its a pratical joke your DD will be protected, if its genuine then they'll be setting up and you can just nicely explain and ask if its' OK to come along.

I would do as Rosemary says

Is there a contact number via whoever has the caretaker role for the Guide Hut? This would enable you to confirm that the party is genuine, and you could ask them to pass on an RSVP for you.

Your thread title comes across as YABU, but reading through your post, YANBU. It seems as if you have done everything you can and I hope your DD enjoys the party.