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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not give me XH his post?

21 replies

macdoodle · 26/10/2011 13:26

A bit of backstory. He has not lived here since Nov 2006 (yes 5 years). He has lived in his flat since then.
We have been divorced 2 years. The financial court settlement was in July.
I am getting my name back to my maiden name and his removed from everything.
A lot of post still comes here. Car and bike MOT/tax/insurance. Mortgage statements (for his flat, it used to be in joint names), stuff for a Spanish flat I know he is trying to sell/stop being repossessed, and other odds and ends.
Some if still in joint names and relevant to me I open. Most I give to him when he has the DC.
But am well and truly sick of it. He is either just lazy and disorganised, or he is still trying to control and annoy me. We don't get on brilliantly, he is a dick.
AIBU to just send them back maked "not known at this address"?
Or is it just petty?
I have pointed out to him that it is illegal and would invalidate his insurance to have the car/bike still registered here. The SPanish stuff is likely important but he is now working away, and buggered if I am going to drop them off at his flat so his girlfriend can deal with it.

OP posts:
LittleMissFlustered · 26/10/2011 13:28

Send it back. The best and legal way to do it:)

vincentvangogh · 26/10/2011 13:29

It'd be a bit petty to send them back with "not known at this address". More effective would be to write on the envelope "mr doodle no longer resides here. Please use xxxx address for future correspondence." and then return to sender.

LydiaWickham · 26/10/2011 13:30

Well, I'd be uncomfortable with him using my address for mortgage things etc. Is it obvious that's that is what's in them?

I also wouldn't go over to his GF to drop it off, could you text him to say there's post for you, would his GF like to come and pick it up or should you return it to sender? You could also say, "I'm assuming you'll have anything important sent to your flat, so I'll just put 'no longer at this address, return to sender' on everything so they take you off their junk mail lists."

Original poster
macdoodle · 26/10/2011 13:31

I could do that but he has "threatended" me if I tell the Spanish lot his address.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 26/10/2011 13:31

Every month put everything into a big envelope, no stamp, and post it to his address. You shouldn't have to do it too often.

slavetofilofax · 26/10/2011 13:31

I would warn him that anything that comes to him after X date will be binned and after that, do as suggested above.

StaceymAloneForver · 26/10/2011 13:33

i'd send it back' not known at this address' after 5 years tbh

Original poster
macdoodle · 26/10/2011 13:33

We're talking a fair bit of post, probably a dozen a week or so.
Yes its obvious the mortgage stuff, vehicle stuff etc. The flat used to be in joint names and with our address for the mortgage. I actaully suspect he is just too lazy/cant be bothered than any actual malice.
The story of our marriage was me having to do everything.

OP posts:
Original poster
macdoodle · 26/10/2011 13:35

The thing is now we finally have a court ordered settlement. The house is now finally mine :):) I have taken his name off the deeds and mortgage and I really don't think he should be using it for anything anymore.
He wrecked my credit rating once already.

OP posts:
purpleknittingmum · 26/10/2011 13:36

Can you contact your solicitor about it?

jasper · 26/10/2011 13:37

You are not his secretary. Ask him to change the addresses on his official stuff. Set a date ( say , first Jan 2012) beyond which you will not pass on mail.

jumpingbeans · 26/10/2011 13:41

Tell him to redirect his mail while he changes his address, if anything else comes just burn it, when he asks if you have had any mail for him, smile and say no.

DorisIsTheDarkDestroyer · 26/10/2011 13:48

What did he "threaten" you with?

5 years after leaving tere is no reason why he should be usiong your address I would give him a date and tell him folowing then you will be returning to sender.

It is up to him what address he wishes to give...

LydiaWickham · 26/10/2011 13:49

He threatened you? Right, tell your solicitor. See what they say, or the police.

You can just inform him that you are sending items back to sender saying "no longer at this address" and it's his responsibility to tell them his new address.

As you said, he's ruined your credit rating once, don't let him do it again because you don't want fuss.

If it stuffs up his financial situation if he fails to tell people his new address, that's his problem, he's no longer your problem (yay!)

plainwhitet · 26/10/2011 13:53

I think jumpingbeans has a great idea. If I were you (I am too nice too, and do everything) I would pay for 3 months redirect then tell him after that everything, but everything, addressed to him will go in the bin. In those three months he will see everything he needs to change the address for and GF can alter address if he cannot be arsed. You can specify Mr and Mrs still coming to your address if you want, btw.

ScaredBear · 26/10/2011 14:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ConstanceTenchOfZombies · 26/10/2011 14:03

Junk mail & insurance renewals etc just write 'not known, return to sender' and bung them back in the post.

As for things you know are important, I like Imperial's idea - send them to his address postage unpaid - he will have to collect them from the PO, pay the postage plus a fee on top.

He gets his mail, you don't have to pay, and at least you haven't revealed his address to anyone else. It should hurry him along with getting his papers in order.

Thzumbazombiewitch · 26/10/2011 14:05

"Unknown at this address, return to sender" on everything and send it back. He'll soon learn.

TalesOfTheUnexpected · 26/10/2011 14:10

I had this problem with my ex and his post. I'm with scaredbear

The only thing that solved it after 3+ years was marking everything "not known at this address, return to sender". I did this with his bank statements and they froze his account [evil emoticon].

Don't enter in a discussion about it. Just do it. His post is his business and his problem, not yours. That's what divorce is for...they are meant to take all their shit with them so you don't have to deal with it anymore.

catsrus · 26/10/2011 14:13

the crucial thing is that those sending the mail decouple it from your address - whilever you accept the mail you are pretty much saying he still lives there! and it WILL affect your credit rating if you're not careful.

You can't pay for redirection for someone else as the named person has to sign the forms - return to sender is the way to go with "not at this address since Nov 2006" on it - tell him you will do this from 5th Nov - which gives him 10 days to sort it out. Another thought - how much would it cost to get a simple solicitors letter sent to him, stating all this? might be worth doing - You must be careful not to be implicated as an accessory to anything dodgy he might be up to.

Ghoulwithadragontattoo · 26/10/2011 14:23

Print off a few sheet of stickers with "Not at this address. Return to sender". Have them in the hallway and just stick them on as mail arrives for him and return when you happen to be passing a postbox. I also found with some persistent people it can help to write "Sender: Remove details from database" on the envelope. They'll mostly dry up in a couple of months.

If you're kind you'll mention to him that you'll be doing this in future but not to worry if you're not feeling kind.

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