about not wanting to commit to something so far in advance

[Cazm2]

i am currently 19 weeks pregnant with first baby after having mmc with first pregnancy.

SIL phoned DH yesterday and said would we want to go to concert on 2 june next year. baby due 24 march. DH called me mentioned it didnt say i needed to answer yes or no there and then he would speak to me lunchtime he didnt mention lunchtime so didnt think anymore about it. he has just recently had 2 knee ops so i have been run ragged as he hasnt been able to do much apart from resting.

i got home last night and said to DH was thinking about concert not sure i want to commit yet as not really sure with baby could be late could be young etc etc not sure if i want to leave baby so young dont get me wrong its all up in the air and i might get to that time and think i need a break.

anyway i text SIL to say have tickets been bought as DH thought they had been, she said yes asked how much she replied saying MIL has bought them for our bdays which are both in june. i replied saying oh ok its just was thinking about it and just not sure about committing etc with baby. she replied saying oh it will be fine do you good to get out etc etc. 27 lives at home with mil no worries or outgoings you get the picture. i said ok we will just see what happens next year i am sure they could be sold if it came to it. nothing more was said

DH gets a msg this morning from SIL saying why am i unsure basically moaning at him as i am being difficult etc. DH is really stressed first week back at work after 6 weeks off very busy job he calls me up moaning about it. i get upset yes probably hormonal baby is now doign somersaults in tummy. i just cant understand why we are getting so much hassle about a couple of concert tickets so far in advance.

a bit of history his mil and sil are both very attention seeking. every months or so sil has a fit at DH as he hasnt been seeing or speaking to her often enough. last week for example he had to visit her as she had got upset as he wasnt repling to her text msgs quickly enough. DH generally rubbish at texting would rahter phone. i find it all silly and very selfish.

i just am being made to feel bad about something that i just dont know about yet. i know i am probably being silly but i cant help it. what do you reckon?

Somone has bought you the tickets for your birthday in approx 9 months time.

You don't need to do anything except say "thanks" and then see how you feel at a (much) later date.

Don't worry about it.

Concert tickets can always be re-sold, but these days they are so bloody expensive that if you can get them early and cheap, well in advance, it is worth doing.

If it comes to it nearer the time that you dont feel up to going, you will easily be able to find another buyer for them.

stop stressing about stuff that doesnt matter

dont think about it anymore. The tickets are bought. You can go or not go, nearer the time. It doesnt need to be thought about or discussed further.

If you are going to stress over every silly little thing, you are going to lose a lot of hair very quickly

Are you planning on breast feeding? Would you need to be away for more than 4 hours in total for this gig? then it's probably not going to be possible at that stage - if she's still at home and no repsonsibilities, esp with no friends with DCs, she might not get it, send a message: "Hi SIL, I would love to go to that concert, but if I'm able to breast feed this baby I won't be able to be away for more than 3 hours at a time, fine for dinner or drinks close to home, but this won't really be possible. I'm sure DH will love it though and I'll be suitably jealous of you all!"

i think yanbu and it is a bit of a silly present from them really, knowing your situation. i would just do as you said and sell them nearer the time if you dont want to go, and try not to worry about it for now. they are bu giving you so much trouble about it already though. maybe they feel its a nice gesture but how are you supposed to know already about how you are going to feel about leaving your baby who has not even been born yet!! so it is a bit pushy

Dh's moany demanding sister is his problem, if her ringing him up about something so unimportant when he is stressed at work is part of a pattern he either needs to tell her where to get off or stop moaning to you about it. You don't need to do anything. Just say "thank you" and say no more about it.

Bit harsh, those replies.

I agree you shouldn't worry but it does need to be clear that you are not committing to going, you just can't plan ahead. Can you email them and say thanks, lovely thought, you are looking forward to it but just don't know what the situation will be and of course cannot be 100% sure you will make it?

In my family, unless I made that clear at the outset there would be hell to pay later on if I said no, so if the OP's family are the same it is worth saying it now!

hi thanks for your replies.

i did email her this morning and just reiterated what i said i wasnt sure about how i was going to feel and just see what happens at the time. i am not stressing about the concert so far in advance just upset and stressing because such a fuss is being made about me being undecided when it could just be accepted and left. also why she has raked it up again with DH and then caused a row with us. i guess i just dont see why we should be getting hassle about it or why its even caused a hassle just by me saying i am not sure now see later. we have had so much going on with his knee and operations and me being terribly sick with pregnancy and not once has she offered to help. i just feel she could think actually thats ok they probably dont need the hassle at the moment about concert tickets.

DH is not very good at sticking up to them. SIL can be difficult even by his own admission but FIL in died 7 years ago so feels guilty if he upsets them and responsible. i have been with him 15 years and lots and lots of things have gone on.

Oh, glad you emailed - at least then at the time you can refer back to it and point out you did say how you felt (assuming you're not ok to go).

Back away then, I would. She's his sister and it sounds as if she is being very self-centred/unthinking. The family dynamics will all have to change when you have your baby - your and your DH's focus will be on him/her - so she won't be getting it all her way forever.

Congratulations on your pregnancy, btw.

DC1 born May 1997. Had tickets to see Oasis at Earl's Court for September 1997. My ticket was sold to a tout as I was stuck at home with my mum and her friend who had come to babysit, and with a baby refusing to take anything but the breast. I do like reminding DC1 of this.