Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU To feel a little put upon every Christmas?

17 replies

ramblinrose · 26/10/2011 10:45

Here's my situation.
I live with my partner and our 3 dc.
For a good many years now we have had my mum and db spend Christmas day at our house.
Every Boxing day we have my mum,older db,my other db,sil and their dcs here for the day.
This does make sense on Boxing day as we don't have a car and middle db and sil live around 40 miles away.
Anyway,my lovely sil (bless her) has asked mum and older brother to spend Christmas day with them this year.They would stay there overnight and all come back down to spend Boxing Day with us.
(last year was pretty stressful due to certain circumstances,and I think she feels that this year we should have at least a day to relax)
Anyway,the thing is,my mum and ob have decided that they would rather spend Christmas day 'at home'.(we live in the same village)
'At home' would mean spending Christmas day at ours.

So,AIBU to expect them to visit my db and sil just for this year (as they have been asked)
I do love my family,but it would be nice just to have a Christmas day to ourselves to relax and go at our own pace.
Can I just add that my DP is always back at work on the 28th december,so it's not as if we have loads of relaxation time afterwards.
thank you

OP posts:
slavetofilofax · 26/10/2011 10:49

I think your Mum is being selfish, but that could be because she genuinely doesn't realise that you would prefer her to go to SIL's.

Have you had an honest discusion with her about it? She might feel like she is snubbing you if she goes elsewhere.

You need to have a chat and tell her that you would prefer to have Christmas with your nuclear family, it's not like you won't get to see her at all.

MoaninMinny · 26/10/2011 11:03

say you are going away/out for christmas lunch

clam · 26/10/2011 11:13

Or say that you know she's told SIL she'd like to stay at home for Christmas Day, but is she really sure she'll be up to all that cooking?

ImperialBlether · 26/10/2011 11:19

Yes, say "It'll be nice for you to spend it quietly at home. That's what we're doing this year, just the five of us. I can't wait - we've never done that before. What are you going to cook?"

AnyPhantomFucker · 26/10/2011 11:20

I feel your pain

I feel put upon/enraged/pissed off/upset/wanting to run away every fucking Xmas

I have had enough of Xmas now. It's about time it was cancelled.

LemonDifficult · 26/10/2011 11:21

Imperial's suggestion is tactful. YANBU.

What a shame they won't travel, they might enjoy it.

WitchOfWoo · 26/10/2011 11:25

I'm with you AnyPhantomFucker.

When the clocks change, we should all be issued with bear suits and stuff ourselves sick with cake then hibernate until spring. Christmas issues sorted.

OP, be firm. You can make it clear to your dm/other family that you are having a Christmas day with your immediate family.

Original poster
ramblinrose · 26/10/2011 11:42

Thank you so much everyone.
It's hard when you want everyone to be happy over Christmas.But sometimes I just end up being completely exhausted with it all.(sure lots of people will agree)
I may ask them if they'd like to come round for a couple of hours in the afternoon,and not do the whole day thing (they only live 10 mins walk away).
x

OP posts:
Ghoulwithadragontattoo · 26/10/2011 12:57

I think that sounds like a good compromise. However, could it be that they didn't want to upset you by going to your SIL's? They may think you'd be put out. Tell them that you think they'd enjoy it and so will you. You can always see them on Xmas Eve or Boxing Day.

cookcleanerchaufferetc · 26/10/2011 13:01

Do what imperial says .... yANBU

Original poster
ramblinrose · 26/10/2011 13:44

ghoul
I have told my mum that maybe it would make a nice change for them to go up there on christmas day and I wouldn't mind in the least,but it has made no difference.
I don't necessarily think that they are being selfish,just that they don't realize that just once in a while we would like a christmas day to ourselves .

OP posts:
DorisIsTheDarkDestroyer · 26/10/2011 13:51

Ramblin tell them that's what's going to happen!

They don't have to realise they just have to make other plans! (but then I'm fairly blunt in these situations)

Original poster
ramblinrose · 26/10/2011 21:40

I know Doris
Think I need to toughen up a bit.

OP posts:
OddBoots · 26/10/2011 21:47

You do need to have a discussion before this gets too deep, explain that much as you love them you are looking forward to having a Christmas with just you dp and children. That's not unreasonable, you don't need to feel bad, you don't need to make excuses or explain yourself.

Maryz · 26/10/2011 21:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

skybluepearl · 26/10/2011 23:20

Just expalin that you want a quiet Xmas as you feel exhausted and can they pop round for a glass of sherry and a pork pie at 7pm.

Original poster
ramblinrose · 27/10/2011 09:06

Some VERY good suggestions here.
Thank you all very much.Now I know I'm not BU,I'm going to say something (tactfully).

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page