to dump this friend

[beatenbyayellowzombie]

Went out for my birthday on the weekend. Friend (X) is pretty controlling and so we ended up at his favourite bar, which I don't like.

Left early (1.30am) with another friend as we didn't like it, and were tired. The plan was that we were all staying at X's as it was close, so all our stuff was there. X became annoyed that we were leaving early, and told us to go home and not stay at his. I explained that our stuff was there - he reluctantly handed over the keys and then said not to drink the beer in the fridge. I had no intention of doing so and had never done so before, so no idea where this came from.

We used to do a few drugs in years past but I don't like it anymore and haven't liked it for a few years now. He keeps saying he's over it (got arrested a few months ago and cautioned) but he was clearly on something or looking for something when we left the bar. Then he and his husband got home at 11am after H rushed to hospital after ODing on GHB and passing out in the bar.

I just don't want this lifestyle anywhere near my life. I don't really want to bother explaining why I find him controlling, he'll just disagree with me and tell me to stand up for myself (which I did when leaving early, only to get a bit of an earful so why bother?)

AIBU to cut him/them out?

get rid

YANBU. Dump him.

Don't see them again. That guy sounds like he's on self-destruct.

get rid, you're better off out of it

Wow. With friends like that.........
Dump dump and dump!

Get rid he is no friend

I have had my doubts for a while about this friendship and how genuine it is. I don't want to be a snob, but equally I want people in my life who are real and enjoy doing more things than drinking/clubbing.

I never contact him but he does me. So do I explain I'm going to distance myself, or do I just not ever return contact until he pesters me so he can tell me I'm wrong insists we talk it out? Or ignore it even then?

Sounds very controlling indeed - dictating where you have to go drinking on your birthday! I agree with others - life is just too short to keep people around for their sentimental value if they are bringing you down. I think whether you talk it out or just leave it depends on whether you think it would do any good - is he self-aware enough to think about his behaviour and take what you say on board? Sorry for you - it's a rubbish situation

I think he'd be hurt if I just pulled away as he'd think he has a right to talk it through.

I can see that.

But I can't help thinking that having a talk would just be his opportunity to tell me that I'm wrong. Which is his usual approach if I disagree with him. Other friends in common think he's controlling too, but just go along with it and don't bother trying to stand up for themselves unless it really matters.

But I just don't want this pressure in my life anymore.

'But I just don't want this pressure in my life anymore'

Nothing wrong with you putting yourself first! He sounds like quite a bullying character, and there are always plenty of people who are happy to go with the flow for a quiet life around people like this. Breaking ranks can be daunting. It's a tough one, but I think you need to do what works best for you at this point. Good luck

you can distance yourself without ever having to have a show down - be busy when he asks you to go for a drink. Eventually people like this find someone else to control/bully.

Do you have DCs? this isn't someone you'd want round your family.

Thanks for your responses.

LydiaWickham I don't have DCs. But I'd like some, and I'd like to find a decent man to be the father, but I don't think I will with people like this in my life.

I think I'll take your approach re distancing myself. And if he does want to talk, I'll just quietly say that I think we've grown apart.