Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh and his "have we got"?

80 replies

mrsshears · 23/10/2011 19:51

Dh drives me insane with this,he is physically incapable of looking for anything and before making/looking for/doing anything must say "have we got"
and has just said it about bread!!!
When the hell we wouldnt have bread i really dont know but thats besides the point anyway because he knows where the bread bin is anyway.
When doing the washing "have we got fabric conditioner"? eerrr have a look?
when helping dd2 dress after a bath "has she got any pants" eerr yes a draw full,just go and get some.
He has also just come into the lounge and said "is there anything else on" to what is on tv at which point i just handed him the remote whilst thinking yes probably as there are hundreds of channels on this tv!
I do love him to bits and this thread is slightly toungue in cheek,but he needs to stop looking for me to have a part in everything that goes on in this house!>>disclaimer

OP posts:
BagofHolly · 23/10/2011 20:11

YANBU. DH rang me the other day knowing full well I was in a meeting and asked "Where's that steak I bought?" Where the feck does he think I'd have "hidden" a steak? Airing cupboard? Sock drawer? He found it when I suggested it might l

TheLaminator · 23/10/2011 20:11

My husband asks if we need anything from the shop everytime he leaves the house, helpful yd think. But irritating as hell as we have a rolling shopping list on the kitchen cupboard and have had for 6 years, LOOK AT THE BLOODY LIST! Ditto with asking where things are, sometimes I spend so much time remembering where everybody elses stuff is I lose my own stuff. Many a time Ive packed evryone off to school/work etc then found myself locked in the house unable to find my own keys. Of course its everyone elses fault :)

BagofHolly · 23/10/2011 20:12

look different to how he expected if it was placed at a different angle.

And breathe.

TalkinPeace2 · 23/10/2011 20:12

"yes"
"but we don't"
"bilge question bilge answer" "yes"

but actaully I think I'll switch to Hilda's approach - SO much cooler

"where is my homework?" "not sure but the bird seed is in the utility room"
love it

TheLaminator · 23/10/2011 20:14

haha - Tonks

on a reasent holiday husbands comment was oh, we forgot to pack.....
my responce being...... no, you forgot, I remebered its in the draw/bag/hallway` gggggggrrrrrrr.

Mandy2003 · 23/10/2011 20:16

Having worked in retail a fair bit, the one that drives me psycho is when someone comes into a shop and says "You don't have..." as a question, meaning DO YOU HAVE. If I'm having a bad day I really want to say "Well you seem to know, why the fuck are you asking me?" Angry

Sparklingbrook · 23/10/2011 20:19

So glad it's not just me. When we next go on holiday I might suggest DH writes the list of what 'we' need to take. Then every five minutes on the journey I can ask him! It was me that didn't pack DS1 any pyjamas this year though Blush

mummyandpig · 23/10/2011 20:20

Aaargh yanbu!

My DH does this all the time. Sometimes I ignore him and he stands there for a bit, then goes to find whatever it is himself.

When it is his day at home with DS and I have to get up for work, he asks me to lay an outfit out for the baby so he doesn't have the "stress" of finding one [hhmm]

MrHeadlessMan · 23/10/2011 20:30

Sounds like there are a lot of DHs out there who are dependent on their aware spouses. You notice, they don't have to, and you grow into your roles.

Question is when will you decide to stop feeding his dependency and let him grow up?

CurlyBoy · 23/10/2011 20:31

Hahaha! I do exactly the same thing, but mostly about the contents of the fridge/freezer and cupboards. I figure that since my wife does 98% of the cooking she'll have a constant tally of what food we have left in the house.

Yeah, I know I'm talking rubbish but that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it! :)

allagory · 23/10/2011 20:34

Ooh.. big annoyance here too. This is an example of brain leeching. So not only do you have your tasks to do but you also have to join in on his tasks too. And he makes you do 100% of the difficult bit: thinking, remembering and knowing!

So I would say that you will help him but only after he has answered 3 questions which involve a bit of mental heavy lifting (eg what is 1422 divided by 9? When is your Mother's birthday and what star sign is she? What is the Marxist definition of alienation?) He'll soon catch on that it is easier to answer his own question than answer 3 of yours. After all, he's not stupid, just lazy.

MrHeadlessMan · 23/10/2011 20:35

Curly

And why does she do 98% of the cooking?

lynniep · 23/10/2011 20:36

oh I hear ya. I get 'does DS1/2 have any pants/socks/pjs/trousers/tshirts' on the odd occasion I suggest he get the kids dressed. Like they have moved from the chest of drawers that each of them have in their room.

They invariably end up with the wrong clothes on. DS1 had on (fleece) trousers that reached to just below his knees this morning. When I suggested he may have put them on the wrong child he just said 'well DS1 said they were his'. Yes they WERE his, two and a half years ago. Now they belong to DS2. The fact he relies on the word of a literal 4 year old speaks volumes :)

I asked if he didnt think it odd that winter trousers didnt reach his ankles. He just said 'no'. Right then...

Hardgoing · 23/10/2011 20:36

I am not sure if it is dependence so much as attention-seeking, just like children do. My husband does this, constantly asking for things that he knows perfectly well where they are, or asks me to get things he can get himself. I find it incredibly irritating as I feel fairly self-contained and as he is only here on weekends, he obviously manages all week by himself as do I. I have come to the conclusion that it is attention-seeking more than anything, it's 'I'm here, I'm here' type behaviour. Knowing this does not make me more sympathetic though or stop me shouting 'FGS find it yourself'

Sparklingbrook · 23/10/2011 20:40

Grin Lynniep. My DH has no clue as to what goes with what either. We often got winter on the top half and summer on the bottom half when the boys were younger.

EndoplasmicReticulum · 23/10/2011 20:41

The one that gets me is "we're out of...."

especially if it's something that I don't use. Like beer, or marmite, or bread flour. Does he think the pixies bring stuff?

And "we need more...." at 10pm on a Tuesday - there's an ongoing list by the kettle. All he needs to do is write it down.

lynniep I get the clothes thing, too. I have told husband that if boy 1's trousers appear too short, and boy 2's too long, then he's made an error.

Oh and on holiday "did you pack my contact lenses?" Answer was no, why the fuck would I have packed your contact lenses? Cue emergency trip to optician (he wears daily disposables). He hasn't made that mistake since though.

HecateGoddessOfTheNight · 23/10/2011 20:43

I get this too. Drives me bonkers.

I have taken to saying "If you don't know, why do you expect me to? I'll only have to go and look, same as you."

Finallygotaroundtoit · 23/10/2011 20:43

It's to make a point out of the 'helping'

There's a fabulous Royle family episode where a contrite Jim makes an enormous performance out of making the family a cup of tea.
He asks Babara where every, single, everyday item is - the whole family is in no doubt that Jim is making the best cup of tea they ever had

MrHeadlessMan · 23/10/2011 20:50

Ermmm....

I know every item of clothing for DCs (for that matter, which ones are dirty, which ones are drying, and which ones are in their closet). also know exactly what we have in the fridge and freezer.

Can't be that uncommon?

Original poster
mrsshears · 23/10/2011 20:56

Marry me mrheadlessman Grin

OP posts:
IndigoSunshine · 23/10/2011 21:00

Oh, I understand your frustration!

If I ask DP to look for something in DS's bag or a drawer, he will ask 'where'? I'm like 'well with my x-ray vision I can see X item at the back on the right under...STFU and look. Using eyes, not questions.' Men...

MrHeadlessMan · 23/10/2011 21:03

Oh no mrsshears. I am way too compulsive

I got real joy today from finally organizing the spice rack Smile and rehanging some lopsided curtains Grin

boohoobabywho · 23/10/2011 21:04

Its not becuase they are men, its because they dont put anything away, so when ladies tidy up, things go mysteriously missing.

i dont have that problem i dont tidy up!
where is...? where you left it...!

ReebleBeeble · 23/10/2011 21:04

Monday mornings;
DP- Do I have any clean boxers and work shirts?
Me- (still buried under duvet) That depends.
Dp- On?
Me- Did you wash any last night?
DP- No...
Me- Theres your answer. Now jog on.

...Im not friendly in the mornings.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 23/10/2011 21:09

Sighs and signs DH's name to list of lipsmacking-StupidQuestionAsking-muppets.... but I am fond of him. [hblush]

Have we got Indiana Jones on dvd?

  • I wouldn't know, I'm not a fan, and he's standing in front of the dvd shelf.

Are there peas in this?

  • Looking at bright green garden peas bobbing around in a curry

Are there clean socks in my drawer?

  • Standing in front of said OPEN drawer which is bursting wth clean socks.

[hconfused]