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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect a 7yr old and a 45 yr old to get on

25 replies

queenebay · 23/10/2011 15:50

At the minute they are screaming at each other. Does anyone have a father/daughter that does not get on?. They are like siblings at each others throats.
I'm at my wits end and getting ready to walk out and leave them to it

OP posts:

LeBOOOf · 23/10/2011 15:51

I'd expect the 45 year old to behave better, certainly.

crazynannawitchbitch · 23/10/2011 15:53

Blimey if he's having trouble getting on with her now...wait until she's 13!

Mabelface · 23/10/2011 15:53

I would expect the 45 year old to not argue with a child as if they're the same age. The 45 year old should act as a parent.

Original poster

queenebay · 23/10/2011 15:54

Not sticking up for dh but she is a gobby wee bum at the minute-gawd knows what has got into her but the cheek and the backchat is getting beyond a joke.

OP posts:

MonstrouslyNarkyPuffin · 23/10/2011 15:55

A 45 year old shouldn't be screaming at anyone, particularly not a 7 year old child.

MonstrouslyNarkyPuffin · 23/10/2011 15:56

But shouting/screaming back doesn't work. As you said, it makes them seem like siblings - it removes all his parental authority.

workshy · 23/10/2011 15:57

my ex was like this with our daughter -same ages

was actually part of the reason that we split up because he was constantly needling her, and I spent most of my time trying to get her not to wind her dad up when really he was in the wrong and he was just teaching her how to argue!!!

crazynannawitchbitch · 23/10/2011 15:57

She's just pushing her boundaries is all...totally normal. maybe he could just walk away when she's on one...and come back and talk to her about her behaviour when she's a bit calmer...and he too is a bit calmer.

Original poster

queenebay · 23/10/2011 15:59

Shes away up to her room still gobbing off and hes outside doing some jobs. he said he will go and speak to her in a minute and de-fuse the situation.
Hes a really good dad but this arguing just isnt funny anymore.

OP posts:

crazynannawitchbitch · 23/10/2011 16:00

Must be driving you mad Queen

AnyPhantomFucker · 23/10/2011 16:03

the 7yo has an excuse

what is the grown-up kid's excuse ?

OldGreyWassailTest · 23/10/2011 16:41

If the cheek and backchat is 'getting too much' then come down on her - hard. I expect your DH has had enough!

AnyPhantomFucker · 23/10/2011 16:46

yes, I would be coming down on her hard too

but not by shouting

and by presenting a united front as parents

SaffronCake · 23/10/2011 17:06

He screams back? Oh God.

Parenting classes.

nenevomito · 23/10/2011 17:08

What are you trying to stop the arguing? Are there any other sanctions happening?

Takeresponsibility · 23/10/2011 17:08

Is the 45 year old her Dad or your Dad?

Groovee · 23/10/2011 17:08

My 41 year old husband and my 11 year old daughter are like this. MIL says DD is the exact replica female version of DH at the same age. I think they're too alike and wind each other up and it results in the clashes. Ds usually disappears outside and I disappear upstairs.

squeakyfreakytoy · 23/10/2011 17:08

I remember having some humdingers with my mother.... from the age of about 6 onwards.....

When my dad stepped in we would both shut up!

MonstrouslyNarkyPuffin · 23/10/2011 18:38

Silence is incredibly powerful. He's the adult. If she is shouting/arguing then she can go and shout in her room and stay there until she calms down and can be civil.

MrBloomsNursery · 23/10/2011 18:40

Errm...Why are you letting a 7 year old backchat and be gobby to her Dad? Where is the respect? Someone needs to lay down the law here - and it's YOU.

diddl · 23/10/2011 18:50

"Errm...Why are you letting a 7 year old backchat and be gobby to her Dad?"

Why is it OPs fault?

Her Dad should be able to sort her out without screaming.

exoticfruits · 23/10/2011 19:15

I think that he needs to be the adult and not descend to 7yr old level.
Sit down together calmly and discuss it starting with backchat isn't on.

MrBloomsNursery · 23/10/2011 19:17

Because her Dad is obviously not doing a very good job is he? So this is where mother steps in and tells DD that she must not talk to ANY adult like that, especially her parents. Then Dad could take lead from there.

Original poster

queenebay · 23/10/2011 19:20

I'm not the parent to the 2 of them though MrBloomsNursery-I'm an equal parent!!!

OP posts:

Oblomov · 24/10/2011 17:46

I have a 7 yr old, in Year 3 currently. He is so cocky, snotty, arrogant, answering back at the moment, its frightening. Many of the mums have said the same, in the playground. My closest schoolground mum is despairing at her ds at the moment. Nothing seems to make any difference, no punishment, no stern talks, nothing.
"Yeah, what you gonna do 'bout it" ? ds1(7) said to dh.
Dh went white. Stood up. And said "I don't know who you think your talking to young man, but don't you ever speak to me again like that." and left the lounge.
Tis a hard time, this 7 to 8 business.

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