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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To budget Dps xmas presents

18 replies

teenagedirtbag · 22/10/2011 21:15

First post so if I do anything wrong, I'm sorry now.

A bit of background. I love my Dp but I can't afford all the presents this year. We have our year in November, Christmas then it's Dps birthday in January.
In Dp's family their presents are about price and value rather than if the gift is useful. Dp's family does have lots of money and it's just how the world works for them. It took me ages to get used to this set up cause my family buy gifts based on how much they are going to be liked.
I'm a student (again Hmm ) and I'm not working so my money is tight and even though I've been saving I can just about afford everything for Dp. But I have nothing for my mum,dad or brother. My Dp has of course said don't get me anything. But if I don't it will NOT go down well. [hhmm]
Help or advice or something please

OP posts:
2rebecca · 22/10/2011 21:21

This makes no sense. What do you mean afford "everything" for DP and "nothing" for your family or get your partner nothing? Why can't you get your partner and your family all smaller things. Your boyfriends's family are his concern. He can buy them presents from him or the 2 of you depending on how partnery you are, so I don't see why them expecting stuff matters to you. You can make presents out of very little. Is it your partner or his family that wants lots of money spent on them? If you are really partners I would have thought money was joint, but lots of people call boyfriends partners now so it all gets confusing. What about presents for your kids?

DorisIsTheDarkDestroyer · 22/10/2011 21:22

What do you mean by everything for DP???? I think if you have a budget you share it out between those you love (using all the tricks you can think of to make it go as far as possible...

troisgarcons · 22/10/2011 21:22

Well, TBH, Christmas is for children, adults who still want presents do my head in.

I suggest you take a tip from the Royal Family and limit the gift value to £10 ... that way its the thought that counts, and imagination into finding something that the person likes.

GruffalowsMammy · 22/10/2011 21:24

If he said not to get anything I would do the opposite. But I would buy something small (perhaps something he will actually receive on his b'day to give time for the January sales, which also gives you more time to save). And can you pretend to forget family xmas presents when you give them and buy them in the sales as well? If your parents are easy going you could even tell them you need to wait for the sales.

HowlingWereWolfBitch · 22/10/2011 21:26

A nice pen?

DorisIsTheDarkDestroyer · 22/10/2011 21:30

JUst had a thought why do you need to get anything for a year anniversary? I get a card and a bunch of flowers (if I'm lucky) or something low cost but meaningfull.

RandomMess · 22/10/2011 21:34

Do you live together? If you do why aren't you pooling your resources more?

If you don't, it is about the thought and sentiment, a token gesture that is most of your disposable income is a whole more expensive and valuable than someone with lots of disposable income spending very little of it...

floweryblue · 22/10/2011 21:37

I really don't understand your post. Are you worried that between you, you and DP won't be able to afford all the gifts you would like to give?

WhereYouLeftIt · 22/10/2011 22:19

"I can just about afford everything for Dp. But I have nothing for my mum,dad or brother. My Dp has of course said don't get me anything. But if I don't it will NOT go down well."
Who will it not go down well with? His family? Tough shit, not their business.

I get very annoyed with the farcical idea that people should be scrimping and saving to afford ostentatious presents. Why the hell are you letting his family's habits usurp those of your family? That's ridiculous! Stick to your own preference, which I presume is about getting the present-receiver something that they will like rather than something "for show".

As for those for whom "it will NOT go down well" - I fart in their general direction.

EllaDee · 22/10/2011 23:00

I wonder if your DP isn't as fed up with his family as you? It might be he genuinely is a bit sick of poncey presents and welcomes to opportunity to get nice stuff that will be liked - after all it's one of the nice things about getting together with someone, that you get to make your own traditions and lose those of your family's traditions you don't like.

I don't quite get how your DP's family will be so able to judge - do you visit them for Christmas? I'm just trying to get a sense of the relationship - obviously I may be jumping the gun here, but at some stage of seriousness, you'd expect to share finances, right? Personally, if a relative of mine were financially well off while their partner was not, and they didn't share finances, I would be very judgy about anyone saying mean things about the cost of gifts bought! It's very rude.

EllaDee · 22/10/2011 23:01

Sorry, my post wasn't clear: I mean your DP's comment saying not to get him anything could be because he is actually no keener than you to continue his family's way of doing things.

squeakyfreakytoy · 22/10/2011 23:06

Just because his family have money, doesnt necessarily mean that they expect to receive lavish gifts in return for the presents that they give to others does it?

If it does, then bollocks to that... if you cant afford it, you cant give it.. I will never understant people who put themselves into debt for the sake of something that is one day of the year.

If your partner knows that you have very little money, then he is being fair by saying do not waste money on him when you do not need to.

AgentZigzag · 22/10/2011 23:48

I have a very good friend who didn't let even a little bit of her disappointment out, and made me feel she was grateful and loved the shitty tea light holder I gave her for Christmas once when I was Very Very Poor yonks ago Grin

I would have been mortified if I was made to feel crap for not having any cash, it can be humiliating enough as it is without other peoples expectations.

What makes you think you not buying him something will NOT go down well, you sound very sure of how he'd take it?

ShellyBoobs · 23/10/2011 00:12

Well, TBH, Christmas is for children...

Only because it's been commercialised beyond all recognition.

I detest the theory that Christmas is all about material possessions for children.

FredFredGeorge · 23/10/2011 08:18

You're a non-working student and your DP has said don't get him anything so don't get him anything, seriously don't waste your money, if your ideas of the gift are brilliant and he can afford them, tell him, if he really wants them you can buy them together with his money. If he's a bit oh my god that's hideous meh about them then everyone is happy.

You can then spend the saved money on DP's, although they'll probably also be happy with out.

Mind you, I never want presents (if I want stuff I want the pleasure of choosing and buying too, and I mostly don't want stuff), tell everyone who might get me one this, but some people just don't get it, so I realise for some people not buying presents is just seen as odd.

fuzzysnout · 23/10/2011 09:34

TBH Christmas is for children
Er, no... It's for Christians.
OP - budget sensibly & buy what you can afford. If your DP makes you feel bad about it then they are not very nice & you should consider exchanging them in January [hgrin]

Adversecamber · 23/10/2011 10:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rowgtfc72 · 23/10/2011 10:19

Dp and I are spending about twenty quid on each other. Its not the gifts that make Christmas what it is .

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