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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be grumpy about having to host dh's friends with kids

43 replies

Rhubarbgarden · 22/10/2011 13:12

Dh is going to a stag do for an old uni friend in a few weeks time. He asked me if some friends of his, a couple in Northern Ireland, could stay at ours that weekend as they don't have much money and London hotel prices are beyond them. Fine, I said, no problem. But now it has turned out that the couple intend to bring their two children, aged 4 and 7, and that the wife isn't going to the stag do, and she had suggested we go Christmas shopping while the boys go on the stag thing.

Now, I've never met this couple. They didn't come to our wedding two years ago because they couldn't afford it. The last time dh saw them was years ago when the group of friends went over to NI to stay with this couple and I wasn't invited because dh's ex was (which is all water under the bridge, but worth mentioning to illustrate that these are hardly close friends of dh's). We have a 16 month old and I'm pregnant with dc2. Christmas shopping on Oxford Street (presumably where she wants to go) would be pretty pants for dd, and not exactly my idea of fun. I don't know these children, but if they are of the variety that get up at 6am and run around in an excited state all day then go to bed late, the prospect of hosting them simply fills me with dread. I don't have much energy at the moment with being first trimester and I'm finding dd exhausting as it is. I've never been around older children much, so I find interacting with them doesn't come naturally and is hard work.

Obviously it would be mean to say no to this couple, as we have the space, and if we don't host them they probably won't be able to come, so I've said ok. But I can't help feeling grumpy about it, and dh clearly thinks I'm being mean and antisocial.

OP posts:

HumphreyCobbler · 23/10/2011 09:09

God I would hate this.

DH going on a stag do with his mates. I get to entertain a woman and children I have never met when I am 12 weeks pregnant. A whole weekend of my precious time. It would piss me off almightily.

I realise I have not been constructively helpful like everyone else has, but I wanted to say YANBU in being grumpy about it.

Anomaly · 23/10/2011 09:13

YANBU and I would be furious with my DH for agreeing this. I would make your DH do all the sorting out of the spare room and making up the beds and he can also be the one who sorts it all out afterwards. In fact I would suggest you make sure you ask them to bring things like sleeping bags and towels to save you having loads of extra washing.

Original poster

Rhubarbgarden · 23/10/2011 09:20

Humphrey, I think I love you... I was beginning to think I was being a right old cow!

Zipzap top tip about breakfast, thanks. You see this is part of the problem; I know nothing about kids. I'm learning as I go along with dd. I'd never really come across kids till she came along and didn't find them terribly appealing. I think I'm pretty good with babies now, but 4 year olds? Bit scary...

OP posts:

Original poster

Rhubarbgarden · 23/10/2011 09:22

And Anomaly, x post, thank you also for your understanding!

OP posts:

Tryharder · 23/10/2011 10:03

I think you sound a bit miserable and antisocial (sorry). I am sure you are not but that is how your thread comes across.

I though you were going to say you were 39+5 weeks pregnant or something not 12 weeks. I mean, come on.

Take her shopping, you never know you might enjoy it. The DCs will love the crowds and the lights. You can do Hamleys and Harrods and get a decent lunch somewhere. It will be fun. You don't have to stay out all day. Can't you do a London bus tour as well?

HumphreyCobbler · 23/10/2011 10:30

I felt like absolute shit when I was 12 weeks.

I like to socialise with MY OWN FRIENDS. When I decide to do so. I consider myself a very social person actually, I would still hate having to entertain someone I don't know, in my own house, over an entire weekend when I am knackered, feeling ill, and during my precious free time.

diddl · 23/10/2011 11:38

God I´d say no!

OK if the bloke needs to stay over because of the stag night.

But the wife wants a virtually free trip to London?

Bugger that for a game of soldiers.

Why would it be mean to say no?

longjane · 23/10/2011 11:44

can I make one suggestion as well re lunch
if you are sending them out alone in london and they dont have much money lunch is very expensive.
so to be nice I would have stuff like bread butter cheese ham and whatever else you eat that goes in sandwich.
so the mum can make them stay out longer.
they will more than likely go to cafe for a drink toilet break rest but food can cost so much they might have to come home early.
You can eat sandwiches in museums. i would also suggest drinks but some one has said about juice carton for breakfast so you might have those in already

Gigondas · 23/10/2011 11:53

I am puzzled/amazed at people talking about enjoying crowds on Oxford street. We are not talking the odd person milling about looking at window display but pushing crowds with no room to move (and certainly little room for pushchair). To add in at certain times you get crowd control...

I must be soft but I would avoid that let alone taking kids into it .

GhoulieGussets · 23/10/2011 11:56

OP, you are much more socialble than me and I agree, early pregnancy is much worse than late pregnancy in terms of nausea/tiredness etc.

My DH would have been phoning right back to cancel all those not going to the stag do I'm afraid. I am polite, but can only spend extended periods of time with friends of my choosing and family, so it would be a no-no from the outset for me.

By the way, I think, now they are coming, it is ok when they get there to warn them DD is a light sleeper so could they keep the noise down if they get up before 8 as you aren't feeling too good/haven't been sleeping well recently.

Aren't I an inhospitable old bag?

LydiaWickham · 23/10/2011 12:13

Oh god, people who think christmas shopping on Oxford street in the run up to christmas is anything other than a horror to suffered due to failure to save a day's holiday allowance for shopping on a weekday are just odd - who are these people who shop for fun?

Quite frankly, why bother, everything she could buy on Oxford street is available to be purchased on line and she won't then have to lug it back to NI.

I'd be having words with DH about dumping you with another family and expecting you to entertain them. That's not reasonable, his guests, he should entertain them. Why the hell should he expect you to do this? At the very least, he can tidy out the spare room and change the beds.

Give them details of the museums, say you have plans for the day and can't join them. Sandwich stuff is a good idea.

LydiaWickham · 23/10/2011 12:15

Oh, OP, could you have "prearranged" (as in, today) to go visit a friend/distant family member that weekend, so they are welcome to use your house, but you wo'nt be there?

pigletmania · 23/10/2011 12:37

Well mabey you could say that you haven't been well lately, and you would rather stay at home, give her map, directions and tell her to have a good time, take away for the evening.

DownbytheRiverside · 23/10/2011 12:43

'I'm feeling so crappy/nauseous/exhausted at the moment that the last thing I need is to have to clear out the spare rooms and entertain people!'

You don't have to. Yes, I think they should come as it's been agreed, but your DH does the preparation and shopping before pushing off on his jolly, and the wife entertains herself and her children however she chooses to that doesn't impact on you or your DD.
When me and mine freeload, we do all the cooking. Or if we visit my aunt who is a passionate cook, we buy the ingredients.

Original poster

Rhubarbgarden · 23/10/2011 14:52

Tryharder - I'd much rather do something like this at 39 weeks than during the first pukey and knackering trimester! And as for I might enjoy Hamleys and Harrods in the run up to Christmas - no, I wouldn't. I'd rather poke myself in the eye with a sharp stick. The older kids may indeed love the crowds but dd would find them overwhelming and she would hate being confined to a pushchair for hours when she's at the age where she just wants to run around.

Sandwich stuff, yes good idea. Will do that.

Riverside - you are my kind of guest. Would you like to visit instead?

OP posts:

zipzap · 23/10/2011 16:30

Absolutely with you op, not least because at least at 39 weeks people can see you are heavily pregnant and therefore making allowances for it whereas before 12 weeks you feel completely pants but you don't want people to know so can't explain and it makes it just difficult when you feel rubbish it's just one more thing you could do without.

How has your dh responded to the fact that if he wants his friends to stay he'll need to sort out stuff for his friends? Does he get how horrible you are feeling at the moment?

iskra · 23/10/2011 16:40

Had to read this thread to check it wasn't about me, as we have just invited ourselves plus kids to stay with Dp's friends in London!

(it's not me)

VelvetBag · 23/10/2011 19:54

I like having guests who want to go places. Better than the ones who lie all day on your sofa watching tv. She will probably be all day out, Oxford Street is not something you can do in an hour. If you don't fancy it you dont have to go. I would cook but nothing fancy. Just boil some pasta and serve with salad and garlic bread, it takes 10 minutes.

Tell your dh to do the spare room.

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