to think I will make up my own mind about private vs gvt schooling?

[letmemakeupmymind]

I have name changed for this.

We have two groups of friends. One group are all absolutely convinced that if you can afford to send your children to private school then you should. They act as though anyone who actively chooses a comprehensive over an independent school when they could afford private are mad. They go out of their way to get the funds to send their kids to private school including borrowing money from their parents.

The other group are of the opinion that even if they could afford to send their children to private school, they wouldn't because the local comp is good and for about a million other reasons, seem to think that private school is a bad option. They are incredibly vocal about this and if in the course of a conversation about schooling I suggest private I am shouted down. I feel almost ostracised for considering it as an option.

I am firmly on the fence. I can see the arguments for and against both. Mostly I want schools that suit my children best.

I am getting heartily sick of being preached at by either group. What's more, when I raised the subject with my child's teacher at parents evening saying that we were considering private schooling for secondary school, she couldn't have been more disapproving. In fact, the anti-private school brigade seems to be even more vocal in their points of view than those advocating private school. It's like snobbery in reverse.

Am I being unreasonable in thinking: sod off the lot of you, I'll make up my own mind and stop being so judgemental either way?

YANBU... but don't most people make up their own mind about everything to do with their lives? I certainly do. Doesn't matter what the topic is. If you don't want other people's opinions on your private decisions, don't tell them your plans and definitely don't ask their opinion.

I don't think it's unreasonable to want to make up your own mind.

Private schooling is however a major source of inequality in this country ( see the billions of mumsnet threads over the last 10 years)

Can I liven things up by suggesting parents who privately educate their children are all stinky poo poo heads?

If you search MN, you will find posters who say they are against private schooling and would never use it, a few who are totally set on private, and a vast majority who will use the best school they can secure from either section in the interests of their child.

So a quick bit of searching of old threads will show you that not only are you NBU, but that you are in the MN majority.

Either ignore them, or be really argumentative and play devils advocate whenever they mention the subject!

But no yanbu, unless it's just a general discussion or you ask for advice I don't see why it should be mentioned and certainly not in a way to pressure you.

I have never heard anyone putting the private view in that way - that is fairly rude and hurtful for those who can't afford it. What we have heard is lots of people telling us that their local school is the best state school and we would be mad to send dcs elsewhere. It quite threw my dh and another acquaintance who are unfamiliar with the area. The truth is most of the schools, state and private, in our area are good schools and fairly similar. People only know their school though and they like to promote it.

Agree with Cogito. I send my DD to a private school. My choice was to buy a top floor, 2 bed flat in the catchment area of a good primary school and saddle myself with a mortgage on a low salary (one could get mortgages for the asking in those days) or buy a small, cheaper house in a less desired area in order to free up money for schooling. I opted for the latter. DD is now in her final year at school. I wonder if the anti private school people you know would have any qualms about living in a "good" catchment area or would be completely OK with their DCs going to a local school with below average results and poor Ofsteds. Whether or not DD has better results and is better educated in the school she has attended I honestly don't know.

Bit of a post, OP.

Who's stopping you from making up your own mind?

Why raise the question with others if you don't expect an opinion?

Or do you expect no opinion, so why raise it on AIBU?

Pot. Shit. Or get off.

You only have to read MN to hear how vocal people get about it! It is like all parenting-people make their decision and are insecure about it so they want everyone to agree and then they will know that they are right!
Just ignore-don't discuss and do whatever you want to do.

I think schooling is a bloody obsession on mumsnet. Bordering on neurosis.

My DS is at a state primary who are in favour of him transfering to private at secondary level.

Schooling bloody should be an obsession. Perhaps we'd have less angst about the whole state/private thing if there weren't such disparities in schooling? Not trying to start a big row or anything. Wrestling with the "choice" of primary school right now and am not overly impressed thus far.

In my experience, you can discount the teacher's disapproval. I've heard of a number of primary school teachers doing this and claiming that a DC will struggle at the private school being considered because it's such a competitive and academic environment.
All have thrived and two have done brilliantly.
It says more about the teacher's prejudices and poor understanding of their pupil's capabilities than it does about the private schools.

I don't know why it is state v private. In my experience people do both at different times e.g they may have state primary and private secondary or one DC at a state school and one at a private school.
All you need is the best school for your DC and that isn't necessarily a school that suits his best friend or even his brother. (of course money gives you more choice so not everyone gets the full range)

I'm not saying you shouldn't care what school your childgoes to but people act like the 'right' school is a passport to success, and your child is doomed if consigned to the local satisfactory comp.

Most children go to their local school. And most are fine. They go to
University/college etc etc

And only a tiny fraction of the population choose private schooling anyway.

Only a tiny fraction can choose private. Of course people care, but there is no need to discuss it to death with others-just get on and do what suits you. Whatever you do there will be people who disagree.

Fair point, NT.

For me, the "stress" is finding somewhere I'm happy for DD to go. I think she'd be fine whatever!

Indeed, I think finding a school that fits your child and in which you think they will be happy is more important than swimming pools, tuba lessons or A* grades.

Some children will be miserable at fiercely academic schools - I've a friend with late diagnosis Aspergers who was bullied relentlessly by staff and pupils at a very academic, top performing state school (this was in the 70's) and is still suffering nervous tics as a result.

I have always found that "sod off the lot of you" is a good starting point for sanity :)

People get awfully wedded to defending their decisions / justifying their lifestyles / reinforcing their rightness and then tend to avoid contradictory facts, denigrate alternatives etc etc.

I have found that there are a lot of people who unashamedly judge you for sending kids to private school. Never met a private school parent who openly disapproves of state schooling.