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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask ex husband to pay this fee?

13 replies

SixStringWidow · 21/10/2011 22:16

Got a letter from XH today.

'SIXSTRINGWIDOW

ACKNOWLEDGE AND SORT

XH'

Enclosed was a payment reminder for an 'option to purchase fee' on car finance £135. I have the car, the finance is in XHs name, he signed the contract and I have paid £160 per month every month for the past 5 years. The final payment was 1st October which I paid, and then they tried to take the additional £135 by direct debit, luckily as I was not expecting this my bank returned this money to me (and glad they did or I would've been skint).

My initial reaction was to pay this next month and be done with it but after receiving the snotty scrap of paper mentioned above i'm considering telling him to pay it or keep receiving debt letters. Afterall, it's his credit rating not mine.

I would never have agreed to this fee had I known about it.

The reason I feel so bitter now...

I walked away from XH with nothing but debt, an £18k loan which paid for our wedding, bought the car he drives and paid off some joint bills. I will be paying this loan back for sev eral years to come. It was my choice to walk away from an abusive relationship, he kept the flat and everything in it - I wanted a clean break and to forget the past. I did not bring any of this up during the divorce because I just wanted it over and done with, I did not want to drag the divorce on forever. Silly I know!

Now, I struggle to pay bills, have payment plans with all creditors and simply cannot afford to pay this additional fee. And as I did not agree to it AIBU to ask XH to pay it?

I can't help feeling that after all the shit he put me through, all the emotional blackmail and the beatings he shouldn't continue to get away scot free.

He agreed to this bloody fee without my knowledge I am considering asking him to pay it. AIBU?

OP posts:
DoMeDon · 21/10/2011 22:19

Is it really worth the effort? You want a clean break - have one.

MissMunsterMogwi · 21/10/2011 22:22

I'd pay it, then you have no ties of any kind to him. (apart from any DC of course)
I've been in a similar position and it is very satisfying to think all bonds are broken and you are free IYSWIM.

Kayano · 21/10/2011 22:23

Really? He pays for the car but you have it?

I would pay it

Kayano · 21/10/2011 22:24

I may have totally not
Understood this, I have confused myself

FabbyChic · 21/10/2011 22:25

You have the car pay it.

Don't shirk your responsibilities and fuck up his credit rating, he done you a favour if you couldn't get the finance yourself.

Original poster
SixStringWidow · 21/10/2011 22:30

I have paid for the car every month, on time with no problems. It's this final fee that I would not have agreed to if I had known at the time - he obviously did not read the contract properly.

I am also still paying for our wedding (on my own) I also bought his car - I suppose I just feel that he owes me.

I know it's stupid but I can't help feeling that he's come out of this smelling of roses and I'm up shit creek struggling to feed my family.

XH and I have no children, we divorced years ago.

You're all probably right, one last payment and its done. Doesn't stop me feeling shitty about it though.

AIBU to resent this.

OP posts:
mich54321 · 22/10/2011 11:36

The 'option to purchase fee' is standard at the end of all car finance payments. As you have the car, then you should really pay it to keep it. However, something that isn't clear and you need to check, is the car registered at DVLA in your name already / or xh's name (as person with loan) or even in the name of finance company (depends on how the loan was structured which would be applicable - some finance packages have the car in the name of the finance company until this option to purchase fee has been paid). If the car is in xh's name or finance company name, you need to make sure DVLA are going to have you as the registered keeper once this fee is paid.

Gonzo33 · 22/10/2011 11:45

OP I feel for you, I really do. My exh left me in a similar amount of debt and I am just getting to the end of the last loan now (should be paid off next year if I can save enough). It is a shitty situation, but if I were you I would pay it. wonders if op married her ex

Gonzo33 · 22/10/2011 11:45

Should say I left the exh 10 years ago

Original poster
SixStringWidow · 22/10/2011 11:52

I spoke to the finance company this morning.

The car is registered in my name and if the option to purchase fee is not paid then it will never fully be mine and it could likley be taken off me if the fee is not paid.

I'm going to pay it, I'm annoyed about it but I'll pay.

Thanks for your comments, I suppose I was just pissed off at his shitty letter and wanted to be a bitch :)

But why cut my own nose off to spite my face?

OP posts:
BarkisIsWillin · 22/10/2011 14:10

YABU to be annoyed about it but you have done the right thing by checking that the car is now in your name and clearing the fee. It must be a really bitter pill to swallow to have to continue clearing the £18k

HerScaryness · 22/10/2011 15:05

Try not to confuse the shitty letter with the final payment.

They really are nothing to do with one another. You said yourself you'd have paid it if not for the letter from X.

Karma will bite that f*cker one day, you don't need to lose the head space it'd take up to deal with him.

Release, detach and live well!

DoMeDon · 22/10/2011 19:32

YANBU to resent this btw. well done for taking this all so well. he sounds like a tosser.

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