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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fed up sitting in a hotel on my own, 200 miles from home, because DD is in hospital and having an operation tomorrow?

30 replies

Downnotout · 19/10/2011 22:39

ok, I'm fed up. I've had enough of going into restaurants and saying "table for one, please" of sitting alone in my room (currently in deserted hotel bar). I've walked round this beautiful city, seen the roman stuff, art galleries, tourist traps etc. Till my feet hurt.
Nothing left to see/do.

DD1 has been in hospital and is having surgery tomorrow. I've driven here to be with her and left the DH and other child at home. (DD1 in first term uni here)

So apart from 2 visits to the hospital a day and having done the sightseeing I have plenty of time to think. And that's not good. DH is not usually involved in day to day childcare, school run, activities. Love him to bits but he's rubbish at all that stuff so I feel guilty even being here. Yes I know it's his children too but all that stuff Is MY JOB.

Also, am worried about DD1. She is having surgery tomorrow and am trying to support her, whilst fending off calls from DD2 ( I need help with my homework/where is my sports kit/someone bit me at school) and from DH ( what time does she start school/what time do I pick her up/ what does she need on Thursday.)

Anyone else feel torn to bit by their family? Is this normal? Is it ok to be thinking "what about me? " could do with some support. :(

OP posts:
pithedmyselfwithfear · 19/10/2011 22:43

well you need a hug and or a Wine .
Which city are you in?

Original poster
Downnotout · 19/10/2011 22:46

Bath.

And I have the Wine

OP posts:
pithedmyselfwithfear · 19/10/2011 22:46

And yes if I left DH to deal with all the stuff I normally do I would be inundated with texts/calls regarding the wherabouts of homework/field kits etc. , think that's quite normal Hmm

GleamingHeels · 19/10/2011 22:47

Totally normal to feel this way, DD2 and DH will cope/muddle through and DD1 will be soooo glad of the support - hang on in there, you've made good choices about how to manage this situation

Hassled · 19/10/2011 22:48

You poor thing - what a shit time for you. "What about me?" is absolutely fair enough - if you're the person who juggles all the balls, it's very hard when you have to stop for a bit.

But it will be character-building for your DH - he'll cope, as will your DD2. Hope DD1 is OK tomorrow.

MissIngaFewmarbles · 19/10/2011 22:53

can any of us local lot meet you for a coffee or wine? Would that be any help for you?

MissIngaFewmarbles · 19/10/2011 22:54

sorry bloody phone sent post too soon. Hope it all goes well for your DD tomorrow.

ajandjjmum · 19/10/2011 22:56

Roll on this time tomorrow for you all. Hotel room the night before surgery is a very lonely place.

How long will DD be in hospital after her op?

upahill · 19/10/2011 22:58

Hope everything goes well.
Sure everyone feels torn but at the moment it's not about everyone else.

Dh and DD2 will manage. come on the world is not going to spin of its axis because they can't find a p.e. kit is it?

Have a bevvy of your choice and re gather your thoughts.

Soon be done x

onetoomanytoo · 19/10/2011 22:59

hi op,

your bound to be fed up, i would be too,
but you're doing the best you can in a tough situation,

i am doing similar, my mum is in hospital having suffered another stroke,
my dad is at thier house recovering from a hip op,
i am driving over a hundred miles a day seeing both of them,
i see my dh to sleep with, as for my dd, i see her at the hospital when she pops in to see her grandma. when dd is home for the weekend, i see her for about half an hour.

trust me, your dh will be coping, even if it is in a haphazard way,
your place for the moment is with your dd,

meantime, take care of yourself and, be kind to yourself.

EightiesChickOrTreat · 19/10/2011 22:59

Hope it all goes well and don't feel guilty. Your DD1 really needs your support right now from the sound of it. Your DD2 may not find all her school stuff etc is completely in order but she'll survive that. Plus it may be a good opportunity for DD2 and your DH to, erm, come to a new domestic understanding (ie he learns where stuff is and what time stuff happens) and for him to appreciate the level of work it takes. And I would book yourself a night out/ weekend away for some me time when things are over this point.

Andrewofgg · 19/10/2011 23:01

Good luck. There is a forum-load wishing you and the whole family the very best.

SmethWitchBelle · 19/10/2011 23:01

Hope the surgery goes OK - you being around will mean an enormous amount to your daughter - that's the important bit, your other daughter and husband will be fine, and will learn lots about each other in a very improving bonding exercise Grin . You have to focus on the "job" you have in hand.

I only have wee babies (2 and 4) but have seen my own mother - and father - having to step in over last through years to "mother" my 38 year old sister who's a single parent with cancer then complications following on from cancer. Parenting doesn't end when they're 18. I see that, and it makes me respect other mothers more. You're bloody brilliant!

springydaffs · 19/10/2011 23:05

wel, you've got the worry about tomorrow and it's not easy to relax and enjoy your 'you' time - it's not exactly you time is it, more like ticking off the hours.

I'm your way and Bath is a beautiful city - though I'm sure you won't be appreciating it all that much, not really, under the circs. What I found when I had a break from my kids was that the first few days (4 or 5) were a mess of worry and disorientation.. then I gradually acclimatised and started to get used to it to the point that it was hard to go back to the sheer hard work of being a mum

I hope it goes well tomorrow - how long is she going to be in hospital? I know there are some Ronald McDonald flats in Bristol linked to the children's hospital - do they have something like that in Bath? I've often thought of offering a room to people who are stranded hundreds of miles from family when their kids are in hospital. DS had a fair bit of heart surgery when he was younger and I was just so grateful we lived in the same city as the hospital.

Give me a shout if you would like to meet up or need somewhere to stay (though I'm not in Bath). In the meantime, get thee to the Roman Baths and have a soak Wink

Original poster
Downnotout · 19/10/2011 23:06

Ah. I knew I could count on you all.

It's just this GUILT! It's been a really rocky year. Lost my dad, health problems with DD1, panic attacks DD2.

I just dread picking up the phone anymore. It's always someone wanting something ( and I know DD1 can't help being ill) but I just think "oh no.. What now?" then I feel bad for thinking it.

OP posts:
pithedmyselfwithfear · 19/10/2011 23:08

Hope all goes well with your DD, and try not to stress about what's happening at home, they will be fine and it's a necessary learning curve for them, however steep. Enjoy the Wine Smile

Original poster
Downnotout · 19/10/2011 23:09

Thanks springydaff, but she is an adult now, 18, ( still needs her Mummy though) so you can't stay with them in hospital.

OP posts:
pithedmyselfwithfear · 19/10/2011 23:09

ah, x posts.

upahill · 19/10/2011 23:09

Turn the phone off for a couple of hours.

The world won't stop. People will have to use their own initative and you were
'in a poor service area'

Don't let people give you more headaches than you have ( I know they don't mean to but sometimes it's easy to pick up the phone for a quick answer rather than work a way at solving the problem without realising it creates worry and stress for you)

Leave the phone in the hotel - you forgot to pick it up, it died - whatever- just give yourself a break.

pithedmyselfwithfear · 19/10/2011 23:15

Good advice from upahill there, though obviously leave mumsnet on!

Original poster
Downnotout · 19/10/2011 23:24

Well, big day tomorrow.

Maybe I will turn my phone off for a while. Thanks for giving me a half an hour boost. Am going outside for a cigarette now. More guilt but needs must.

OP posts:
nickschick · 19/10/2011 23:25

Good luck for tomorrow x

GleamingHeels · 20/10/2011 00:00

Try not to get locked out of hotel ( or is it just me that pops outside at 4 am for a smoke when I can't sleep)

God Luck for tomorrow - hope it all goes well

ajandjjmum · 20/10/2011 09:37

Thinking about you and your DD - hope it goes well today.

ShroudOfHamsters · 20/10/2011 10:02

What upahill said!!

YOU need a break too... you're under stress as well. Look after yourself and give yourself a bit of time to breathe.

All the best for your DD's swift recovery