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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to feel DD should have been invited to her BF's b'day party?

16 replies

flower68 · 19/10/2011 19:27

My six year old daughter has a great friend - they went to nursery and then reception together. I am, or so I thought, great friends with DD's friend's mum, and my son is great friends with her younger daughter. Just over a year ago we moved house, about fifteen mins by car away from where we used to live and the kids changed school. We kept in touch, did a lot of play dates (I did most of lifts) and the kids all went to each others' birthday parties. Y'day my friend rang me up to say DD was not invited to her friend's seventh birthday which was smaller than usual but we were all invited round to a pasta supper instead to celebrate. I don't know what the party involves or why DD hasn't been invited but I can't help feeling that we have been relegated in the friend stakes since moving. My friend always does swanky, fun parties for her DD - and I'm sure my DD would have loved whatever was on offer. It feels a rather chilly decision. Part of me wonders if it matters as kids all love each other and will have a great time anyway. But I know we will be inviting DD's BF to her seventh party no matter how big or small.

OP posts:

pigletmania · 19/10/2011 19:29

YABU you were invited to a pasta supper to celebrate so were not forgotten at all! Mabey she is just having it for a few friends in her class.

usualsuspect · 19/10/2011 19:31

children just tend to want school friends at their parties as they get older

so yabu

Nanny0gg · 19/10/2011 19:31

Won't the pasta supper be more 'intimate' and give you all time for a proper catch-up?
Sounds better than an afternoon with hundreds to me.

ScaredBear · 19/10/2011 19:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

said · 19/10/2011 19:33

YABU Oversensitive. They're at different schools now so she's probably keepng that as the criteria. WOuld your daughter really enjoy a party where she doesn't know anyone else and the birthday girl might want to play with someone else?

pigletmania · 19/10/2011 19:33

I agree the pasta supper is more special, probably reserved for those who are good friends of this little girl

BsshBossh · 19/10/2011 19:34

YABU. She invited you all to what I imagine is a more intimate pasta dinner instead, where I imagine you all can spend better quality time together. The party itself would be filled with children your DD wouldn't know so your friend probably thought your DD would feel a bit on the sidelines.

Why don't you ask her her reasons?

squeakyfreakytoy · 19/10/2011 19:34

YABU, your daughter would only know the party girl, which would possibly make her feel a little left out, and your friend is aware of this, which is why she has done something else especially for you and your daughter.

catsareevil · 19/10/2011 19:36

It's probably to do with not being at the same school, and propbably not having the same group of friends. Maybe numbers were limited, and because you are also friends with the mum they decided to deal with that by having a family thing for you all?

Blu · 19/10/2011 19:37

YABU.

Whether you like it or not, it is a truth that friendships amongst children change once they are in differnt schools, different groups. There must be some reason for a small party and it has worked out that your DD has been invited to a DIFFERENT but equally celebratory party. Be happy to see them all, enjoy the invitation, be gracious, and of course invite her DD if that is what you and your dd wish to do and it fits your plans!

Don't lose a good friend by being huffy about this.

QuintessentialShadyHallows · 19/10/2011 19:39

Yabu.

Your dd seem to have gotten the MOST special invitation. Proper time and a celebration for just your two families.

This is much better and much more intimate.

Original poster

flower68 · 19/10/2011 19:40

Thank you all for setting me straight! Will do as you suggest.

OP posts:

piratecaaaaaaaaaghhht · 19/10/2011 19:40

no yanbu to feel she should have, if you are close enough to be invited to an intimate pasta supper, then your dd sounds a close enough friend have been invited to a kiddy party.

well weird imo. esp as you mention she hosts swanky fun parties.

I don't get it really. UNLESS she has asked her dd to invite her closest say 4 mates to some fairly unique experience type celebration, plate painting or the like.

exexpat · 19/10/2011 19:45

DD changed schools a year or so ago, ut her best friend is still a girl at her old school. Both birthdays since then we have had a special treat for her and her best friend, and then a separate party for all the friends from the new school.

My reasoning is that her best friend doesn't know all the girls from the new school, which could make her feel a bit isolated at the big party, so instead they get to do something really special together - this year, build-a-bear and pizza (couldn't afford to do that for the big group from the new school).

Sounds like your friend has come up with a similar solution.

EverybodysScaryEyed · 19/10/2011 20:05

YABU

her mum might be concerned that since your DD left her DD has struggled with friendships and doesn't want her spending the party with your DD when she could be bonding with the other girls

special meal sounds lovely though!

redskyatnight · 19/10/2011 20:30

I've done similar with DD's party. She had 1 friend at a different school - I felt it would be awkward for the friend with being outside the friendship group, so invited her to celebrate at a separate event.

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